How to Get Rid of a Loser Date - For Him
You weren't expecting your date to be such a loser! How do you dump her without making a scene? Make it her choice. Disclaimer: Actually following this advice could make you feel like a loser yourself. If you want to be classy and kind, this may not be the best strategy.

Steps:
1. Be strategic - different losers require different techniques. Some take more time than others to get the hint.

2. Read poetry to her - get emotional. T. S. Eliot's "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" is a good place to start because it isn't very long, yet quickly becomes annoying.

3. Bore your date. Talk about sports, cars, video games or your job. If she shows even a remote interest after five minutes (you have to allow for politeness), switch to another topic on the list. Talk about your ex, even if you don't have one.

4. Discuss only yourself. Monopolize the conversation, and if she offers any personal information, brush it aside and say, "Oh yeah? Well I ' "

5. Tell jokes. Tell them so that she isn't sure they're jokes. If she laughs at any of them, switch to offensive jokes. The idea is to make her question her decision to go out with you. After all, you seemed like a nice guy.

6. Call her Toots, Babe, Mamma or Chickie. Drop Cheerios in her purse when she isn't looking.

7. Demonstrate your worst table manners. Ask, "Do you want that?" and take food from her plate before she answers. If she protests, point out that it's your food - you're paying for it, after all.

8. Make her uncomfortable. Stare at her neck. Smirk at her. Tell her, "I had this scaly thing once, but they removed it."

9. Embarrass her. Scratch yourself with abandon. Belch loudly and with great gusto. Fan the air and say, "Whoooee, Baby, you need to lay off the dairy products!"