"I came to US 6 years ago. All that started at the hospital I worked at. My friend brought me a medical newspaper where we saw an advertisement of America Family International that introduces American men to the women from former Soviet Union. She told me to write them. But I refused it at first saying that this is impossible, my letter will not even cross Russian broad. I did not believe that something like that can happen. It was a year of 1994. And back then it was something unheard of. But she stayed on me about it and I decided to give it a shot. For the sake of a joke I wrote. And still did not believe in it. I sent a letter with my picture to this agency and forgot about it.

In a little while I've got response from the agency saying that they will publish my picture in one of their brochure and I should get a letter from somebody. I was shocked. And still did not believe anything. Soon enough I've got a letter from my future husband Matt. We started correspond. Then he called me. Boy was that interesting. I did not really understood what he was saying just a few words. Then he came to Ukraine and we met. After a week he proposed to me. My mom was crying saying that I've gone mad. And what in the world am I doing? I said I don't know myself but he seemed like a good guy. So we married on January 21, 1995 in Nikolaev. Boy was that a mistake. It took us 7 months before I was able to get to the US. I saw for the 1st time unbelievable INS beaurocracy and red tape. But I am the only child and my parents would not let me go to US and married over there.

But I finally got to US and in 3 months I had my beautiful daughter Masha (Anna Maria). It was hard. I can tell you that. Have a baby, not a good language, no job, no mom beside. But his family especially his mom helped me a lot. Here I guess I was lucky. And at first we were so much in love it scared me. We never argued about anything and Matt was so sweet and helpful. Trouble started when he told me that his son from his previous marriage wants to live with us. I did not react the right way. And everything cracked in our relation
For me being from USSR and knowing that our children staying at their mother's house till they 18, it was something unreal. But here at 14 they can decide who they can live with. I could not agree with that. And Matt started to see me as an evil woman who denies his son. And let me tell you there was a lot to deny. I learned also that American do not teach their children to be organized and clean behind themselves. They make a horrible mes! s everywhere and have no respect for somebody's hard work. They do not know ethic and do not know how and to whom they can talk to. I could not make a piece with it.

My husband started to spend less time with me, was very irritable with every word I say. Blamed me that I do not like children etc. One time he said he will divorce me. That was the darkest day of my life. I got scared. Where will I go and what will I do with small child in my hands. Even though he said he will make sure that I have been taken care of. But the only thought kept me and made me to fight for our marriage is that my child needs father and mother together. I did not want her to go from house to house. I had to make myself to live with mess that his son was making out of our house. But my husband started to help me with that. Here I got lucky again. Matt doesn't like a mess in the house either. So here was a little relief. I started work. Then I went to college and studied programming.

That is when I have got real respect from my husband. That is when I got on the same scale he was on. We separated our bills. I pay some and he does too. I am more confident in what I am doing. My language is improved big time. I feel relaxed and free in this country. I can get into my car and go wherever I need to. I can talk to people freely, I got my citizenship and have all the rights American do. Now I am working on bringing my parents to live with us. And my husband knows, that with or without him I am gonna do it. So he is not against it. I am able to support myself. Plus I will never let him say anything against me anymore. I told him that if he doesn't like something, he can leave. I am more independent. I see that American men do not really like weak and crying women. You have to show them that you can accomplish anything, no matter how hard and impossible it might seem. I guess this is their cultural thing. They have been raised that way.

What girls need to realize is that they can not really rely on husbands a lot. They have to take any opportunity that this country has to offer and make it on their own. Get language worked on first, then car ( you have to learn to drive). Without car you will stock in the house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That is crazy. Then go and get an education. Check the market and see what is in demand. I can tell that computers always will be in demand. This country can not function without computers.

You girls out there. Be strong. Do not show your weak side. Otherwise men will step all over you and tell you that you can not make it on your own. We do can make it a big time. It doesn't make sense to go back to Russia. When we leave, we loose everything over there. We have to build our life here. Yes it is bloody difficult but IT IS POSSIBLE. I am telling you. Believe me. You can enjoy life here. All we need is to be united. Have somebody who can help with suggestion or at least somebody who we can talk to. And Natasha's web-site is just what can help.

Yelena N. Simpson"