•Taoism: Shit happens.
•Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
•Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
•Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
•Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
•Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
•Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
•Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
•Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
•Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
•Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
•Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
•Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
•Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
•Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
•Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
•Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
•Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
•Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
•Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
•Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
•Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
•Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
•Creationism: God made all shit.
•Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
•Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
•Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
•Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
•Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
•Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
•Darwinism: This shit was once food.
•Capitalism: That's MY shit.
•Communism: It's everybody's shit.
•Feminism: Men are shit.
•Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
•Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
•Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
•Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
•Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
•Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
•Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
•Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
•Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
•Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
•Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
•Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
•Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
•Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
•Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
•Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
•Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
•Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
•Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
•Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
•Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
•Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
•Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
•Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
•Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
•Atheism: What shit?
•Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
•Nihilism: No shit.
•And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!