fed up with life and people. maybe just as well im not allowed into the hospital, fucking hate people at the momentl. not really for any reason, just do. or maybe there is a reason. maybe because most are stupid ignorant selfish sheep, and those who arent are constantly being kicked by others. and i have to watch. all that is loved by you will eventually become a painful guilty memory.

i dont know whether im just being depressed, bitter and maladaptive. or maybe i just see things that a lot of people dont. the fact that noone will save the world, that things wont get better, that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. noone will come and rescue you when you time comes to meet the dragon....

running out of energy. no motivation to do necessary nice things for those who i know need me. and i need them. people who are the only reason im still here. why do i have to care so much? it will all be the same after.....

no reason, no purpose, no life, no future. big hopes. then big fuckups. followed by little pathetic hopes...... and still nothing.

and you cant run away...... ever......IT NEVER GOES AWAY. i will forever sit there and hope for a day when i can sleep. a day without guilt and self hate. a day without wanting to see my own blood on the floor and being scared at the same time. just one day without tears.... just one day............