Victoria: I don't know. I just... I don't think that long distance really works for anyone.

Ted: Oh, God, no. Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college.
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Marshall: No. No, no, no. No way. You know who likes long distance? Girls. It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now.

Barney: Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work.

Ted: Really? You?

Barney: Absolutely. I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street. The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney.
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Victoria: You know, I don't know. I mean, I want to go, but I don't want to lose Ted. I even thought about long distance, as if that ever works.

Lily: Ugh. All talking and no sex. Kill me now.