It's a goddamn exhausting evening. Not even my day-long studies were so hard, though they were - in a way, but my never-ending threatening thoughts are.
Today we started with Russian-English translation in my professional English course. And suddenly, crazy interested as I was in this stuff, I felt so bad about it. I considered myself a zero, an absolutely nothing, almost. Looking at the white sheet of paper with black Cyrillic letters forming terrific Russian words and sentences I could never imaging an English phrase. I needed to close my eyes, to concentrate on the meaning of the phrase or sentence - then I could write down something in English, usually the first idea came to me... That's of no good, I thought. So I've decided to try to help myself, to make it easier for me to think in English, or in both languages. Having known me for 22 years or so, my mind told me to write down my thoughts in English first. Then, to check what I've wrote and if it's not a complete bullshit - it would be my greatest triumph.
With all unfinished business that I've got (and there's lots of it, believe me, I just pretend all the time that there is not a big deal...) the last ting I'd miss is to find out my absolute non-competence in the second profession chosen.
That's why I'll try to combine the business and the fun, brain and emotions. With a poor vocabulary as mine (almost based on Harry Potter, Twilight saga and, sometimes, The catcher in the rye) one can only hope that it won't be a total fiasco and no one will even have a look at this awful report.