Yes. = No.
No. = Yes.
Maybe. = No.
We need. = I want.
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk. = I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead. = I don't want you to.
Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
You're so ... manly. = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.