1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, «I'll give you $800 to drop that towel». After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, «Who was that?» «It was Bob the next door neighbor», she replies. «Great!» the husband says, «Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?»

Moral of the story: If you share critical information perta



2
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A Rabbit asked him, «Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?» The crow answered: «Sure, why not». So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

3
A turkey was chatting with a bull. «I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree» sighed the turkey, but I have not got the energy». «Well, why dont you nibble on my droppings?» replied the bull. «They are packed with nutrients». The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullcrap might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

4
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, «Father, remember Psalm 129?» The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, «Father, remember Psalm 129?» The priest apologized «Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.»

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, «Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.»

Moral of the story: If you do not know something in your field, you may miss a great opportunity.

5
Rohit woke up one fine morning with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. «Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!»

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, «Son, what happened last night?»

His son says, «Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door».

Totally Confused, Rohit asks, «So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!»

His son replies, «Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said , «hey !!!!!!! leave me alone! I am married!»

MoralBreakfast Rs. 100.00

Self-induced hangover Rs. 2000.00

Broken furniture Rs. 20,000.00

Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6
A mother took her little boy to church.
While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee";
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word ''pee'' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ''pee'' just tell me that you have to ''whisper''";
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper";
The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear";

Moral: if there are several manageres all of them shall be informed about agreements.

7
Woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this. The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, Junior said "the number u are Trying To call is not reachable".

Moral: never punish one from the words of another untill u check.

8
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: ''Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.''
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: ''Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.''

Moral: managers of subdivisions should share experience for better performance.


9
Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager
Когда-то опубликовала у себя на сайте анекдоты, присланные другом из Индии. С тех пор перевод разошелся по сети. Сегодня встретила его в контакте у одного из преподавателей нашего факультета. Приятно.