MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written."

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "All right, if your 're not hiding your reportcard inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER: "That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years!"

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "At least Monica was a nice Jewish girl!"

LI 7.05.22