[The diary’s letters of the woman, the name of whom I would like not to publish]
14-05-2008 23:46
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Look at me, look into ma eyes. Don't ya think, that's the end? I think so, really think so..few days ago I wanted to send ya only one message, describing dying red rose, but suddenly I realized, that it wouldn't change anything! It's apparently the end to us. U stopped writing, remind me, that U're remembering me, waiting for me..what can I do with that? Nothing at all.. stop trying to get me out of ya're mind.. I was the first and the last, U've ever had. What can I say? Just writing these fucking letters and thinking of U. I'll forget, but will U forget? Actually U was the brilliant lover, I won't argue! But there's no me and U anymore.. It's too empty without ya..there's a lot in ma life, but... night life, clubbing, meeting with ma friends, even with ma boyfriends and smth like that - it's funny, but it's not actually what I want. Apparently they cannot give, what U've given. I still need ya..still close ma eyes and imagine U're face more 'n' more! It seems to be an old colored movie, when U were in me 'n' kissed ma lips at da first sight.. Then U start to kiss ma breast, ma stomach, ma legs, even ma arms..later U touched ma fingers and held them in Urs..and suddenly U put off ma jeans too quickly 'n' entered me! Oh..what was da first impression! Mine was like da effect of crashed bomb! I've screamed as loudly as I could. I seemed to be a black panther before the final jump. It knows, that can't kill the tiger, but still fight! Our physical relationship was like wild, mad ritual dancing. U was under me 'n' still was hot as a stone of lava! 'n' I couldn't make ma body be calm, it was moving with the rhythm of ure dids! When we finished, everything was already sleeping 'n' only two hearts were beating together, creating strange tune, that was reminding dark African tam-tams ..only the sea supported us, singing it's proud unforgettable song. It became a sign of the fast end of our short love.
But U even haven’t told me, U’re leaving, disappearing.. I’ve been waiting for U for all these long dark months.. U haven’t sent me a thing, proving U’re alive and remember me! So, I’ve decided to go to the wild island and stay there...alone..it’ll be magnificent, wonderful! I’ll come to the empty beach, where nobody could hear my heart beating and my hard breathing..here..night. I don’ wanna get out of here. I am on the huge stone listen to the voice of the ocean! My long thin cigarettes are being smoked one by one and I try to forget all my dids! Scared! I am too scared! The waves are crushing the bank.. I think fortune will find me, I will search it for all ma life and it will finally come! But now I feel lost and damaged...my mind is going away with these waves and...here blows strong wind but I don’t feel frozen..I touch the white sand and get it to the stone, where I’m sitting...I’ll be here for infinity! I swear, it will be calm and empty... the clouds are running together. It will rain in an hour, and I’ll taste the teardrops of heaven! My head is turning round and round. I wanna scream, but when I open ma mouth, no sound can be heard...that’s the end.. I thought, it’ll be the start, but it’s apparently the end...the palms are shaking their arms in the wind..I will go to the tropic forest and wait for you. Even if U don’t come, I’ll understand! I will live here alone, live with the hope, U’ll appear one day and come to me. Your lips will touch mine and your body will be in me! It’s not called happiness, it’s called completeness, it’s a bit physical, but I don’t mind! Who will say, it’s incorrectly? Here just me and U – living together, breathing in one rhythm moving in one tact!
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Look at me, look into ma eyes. Don't ya think, that's the end? I think so, really think so..few days ago I wanted to send ya only one message, describing dying red rose, but suddenly I realized, that it wouldn't change anything! It's apparently the end to us. U stopped writing, remind me, that U're remembering me, waiting for me..what can I do with that? Nothing at all.. stop trying to get me out of ya're mind.. I was the first and the last, U've ever had. What can I say? Just writing these fucking letters and thinking of U. I'll forget, but will U forget? Actually U was the brilliant lover, I won't argue! But there's no me and U anymore.. It's too empty without ya..there's a lot in ma life, but... night life, clubbing, meeting with ma friends, even with ma boyfriends and smth like that - it's funny, but it's not actually what I want. Apparently they cannot give, what U've given. I still need ya..still close ma eyes and imagine U're face more 'n' more! It seems to be an old colored movie, when U were in me 'n' kissed ma lips at da first sight.. Then U start to kiss ma breast, ma stomach, ma legs, even ma arms..later U touched ma fingers and held them in Urs..and suddenly U put off ma jeans too quickly 'n' entered me! Oh..what was da first impression! Mine was like da effect of crashed bomb! I've screamed as loudly as I could. I seemed to be a black panther before the final jump. It knows, that can't kill the tiger, but still fight! Our physical relationship was like wild, mad ritual dancing. U was under me 'n' still was hot as a stone of lava! 'n' I couldn't make ma body be calm, it was moving with the rhythm of ure dids! When we finished, everything was already sleeping 'n' only two hearts were beating together, creating strange tune, that was reminding dark African tam-tams ..only the sea supported us, singing it's proud unforgettable song. It became a sign of the fast end of our short love.
But U even haven’t told me, U’re leaving, disappearing.. I’ve been waiting for U for all these long dark months.. U haven’t sent me a thing, proving U’re alive and remember me! So, I’ve decided to go to the wild island and stay there...alone..it’ll be magnificent, wonderful! I’ll come to the empty beach, where nobody could hear my heart beating and my hard breathing..here..night. I don’ wanna get out of here. I am on the huge stone listen to the voice of the ocean! My long thin cigarettes are being smoked one by one and I try to forget all my dids! Scared! I am too scared! The waves are crushing the bank.. I think fortune will find me, I will search it for all ma life and it will finally come! But now I feel lost and damaged...my mind is going away with these waves and...here blows strong wind but I don’t feel frozen..I touch the white sand and get it to the stone, where I’m sitting...I’ll be here for infinity! I swear, it will be calm and empty... the clouds are running together. It will rain in an hour, and I’ll taste the teardrops of heaven! My head is turning round and round. I wanna scream, but when I open ma mouth, no sound can be heard...that’s the end.. I thought, it’ll be the start, but it’s apparently the end...the palms are shaking their arms in the wind..I will go to the tropic forest and wait for you. Even if U don’t come, I’ll understand! I will live here alone, live with the hope, U’ll appear one day and come to me. Your lips will touch mine and your body will be in me! It’s not called happiness, it’s called completeness, it’s a bit physical, but I don’t mind! Who will say, it’s incorrectly? Here just me and U – living together, breathing in one rhythm moving in one tact!
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