простите разговор уходит корнями во вчерашний разговор с моими приятелями из универа... они мне говорили что я должна больше им открываться, а не держать все в себе...

Sarah Lawton

Sorry feel kinda late here after all the praise u guys have given me. Sorry Val i found out about Moscow bombings from my phone at work. By the time i got round to going on net u'd posted ur status. I was really glad that u were ok cos i had a horrible feeling that it was the one near ur house. Logically i knew u'd pos…t something to tell us ur ok if u didnt i would have bn really scared.
What i'm saying is that ur friends genuinely worry about u thats what friends are 4 nd its really awkward 2 converse wen ur in Russia cos i 4 one cant text there. I would really miss u if u stayed in Russia I suppose ur the closest I've had to a best friend in a long time so i'm really sorry if our silence hurt u.
Im sorry about the whole citizenship thing i hadnt heard the latest. All i can say is life is 4 living and u are supposed to enjoy it. Go with ur heart, heads hold our paranoia, hearts generally hold what we want. Whatever u do we'll still b here if u need us.

Valeriya Fedoseeva (Я)
Heeey... I'm not acusing nobody about not checking on me after bombings... That was one of many rings I had regarding some people and it made me feel sad after all... In your defence I can say that it is normal that you didn't know... some people don't expose themselves to any news be it tv, newspapers or internet... therefore I don't hold any … Подробнееgrudges on that account... it was one of the examples... what hurt me the most was that some of people I considered to be my close friends didn't even say "Happy Birthday" to me on facebook even, and didn't bother about that event in Moscow... and then they dare to say "Oh... well you were alright anyway!! So why are you bothering?!"...

My point is that I cannot rely on you people to be here for me always when I need you... For exampple you, you have your own problems be it with Uni, family or your relationship, I'm glad to be of help whenever you need me, however I feel that I can't bother you... you know... I feel like you have a lot on your mind as it is, I cannot bother you with my silly problems... Others I can't even open up to cos I dont wanna get tooo close with them in order not to give them faulse impression, others I cannot trust...As I've learned not too long ago some of my mates might be so insencitive to other peoples feelings and say lot of stuff that hurts... It is pilling up inside so now even if I wanted to talk I wouldn't know where to begin!! So here it is... I have nothing... nothing to return to in Swansea... Only an empty room in the house and uni work... I'm tired of giving myself the same reason over and over to come back... and now I know that I might not come back to Russia solidly for at least a year... How do you think I feel?! Leaving people that honestly care for me and I love them behind and looking into emtyness ahead of me... what should I feel? I guess ones would be excited, but I'm in pain... cos I realise that I'm once again going to be alone in that world... despite skype, emails and phonecalls... I am f*cking ALONE!! God, that hurts, I just wanna jump out of my balcony...

простите за английский... надеюсь что онлайн переводчик справится если что...