260. ARGUMENT FROM NOT-BELIEVING
(1) The New Testament says people like you would question us.
(2) You question us.
(3) Therefore the Bible is true.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

261. RAY COMFORT'S ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (VIII)
(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.
(2) They couldn't be used by women for that!
(3) They're so good that they must have been designed, just like Coke cans.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

262. PAT ROBERTSON'S ARGUMENT FROM METEORS a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (I)
(1) God hates gay people.
(2) God is merciful.
(3) Disney World held a Gay Day parade.
(4) God could punish Disney World by sending hurricanes, earthquakes, and possibly a meteor to Florida.
(5) God didn't, thus proving both postulates 1 and 2.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

263. ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS (I)
(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.
(2) A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue them.
(3) They were all found alive.
(4) It must have been a miracle!
(5) Only God could have done that.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

264. ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS (II), a.k.a. YOU ONLY HEAR FROM THE SURVIVORS (I)
(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.
(2) A bunch of people worked hard to rescue them.
(3) One was found alive.
(4) He thanked God for his survival.
(5) Only God could have done that.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

265. ARGUMENT FROM AIRPLANE CRASH, a.k.a. YOU ONLY HEAR FROM THE SURVIVORS (II)
(1) An airplane I was on crashed, killing most passengers.
(2) I survived!
(3) It was a MIRACLE!
(4) Only God could have done that.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

266. ARGUMENT FROM YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) God is awesome!
(2) Like, totally, dude!
(3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff.

267. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY
(1) The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.
(2) Can you turn water into wine?
(3) No? Well there ya go.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

268. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL ABILITY
(1) I prayed to God, and then lifted a car off my trapped puppy.
(2) I couldn't have done that without God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

269. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
(1) Satan is bad.
(2) You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

270. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION AS USED BY A YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) Satan really sucks, dude.
(2) You don't wanna, like, be like Satan, right dude?
(3) Therefore God, like, exists and stuff. Totally.

271. ARGUMENT FROM BUFFALO, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IX)
(1) The Indians used every part of the buffalo.
(2) A creature we can use every part of couldn't have just randomly evolved!
(3) It had to be created specifically for us!
(4) Therefore, God exists (and spent his early years churning out buffalo).

272. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY
(1) Bite me.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

273. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY ACCEPTED, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (IV)
(1) Bite me.
(2) OW! YOU BIT ME!
(3) I'm being persecuted!!
(4) Therefore, God exists!

274. ARGUMENT FROM NEW AGEYNESS
(1) If enough people just believe, God will exist.
(2) Lots of people have been believing for a very long time.
(3) Therefore, surely by NOW, God exists.

275. ARGUMENT FROM ROUNDNESS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (X)
(1) Isn't it amazing how perfectly round the planets are?
(2) Someone sure must have been in control of that "Big Bang" in order for them to shape up like that!
(3) Just place a stick of dynamite under a huge rock. You'll see that the explosion does not produce perfectly round smaller rocks.
(optional)
(3a) Atheist: The planets are round because of gravity.
(3b) But who made gravity?!?!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

276. ARGUMENT FROM FAITH EQUIVALENCY
(1) You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?
(2) See! Atheists have faith too!
(3) Therefore, belief in science is just another faith.

(4) Just like I have faith in God and Jesus.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

277. ARGUMENT FROM IMPLIED BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XI)
(1) If you evolved, you'd be pretty ugly.
(2) Look how beautiful you are, and the world that is around you.
(3) Only God could have made you so beautiful.
(4) I don't care that beauty is totally subjective, you are beautiful in God's eyes!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

278. ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING
(1) Atheists claim Christians have been brainwashed by churches.
(2) We can just as easily say that they have been brainwashed by secular colleges and universities in their futile thinking and secular reasoning.
(3) Your brainwashing keeps you from the Truth.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

279. ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNISM
(1) All communists are atheists.
(2) All communists are bad; haven't you watched the 6 o'clock news?
(3) Therefore they are wrong.
(4) Since the moral majority is theist and non-communist they are good.
(5) Therefore they are right.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

280. ARGUMENT FROM GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOR
(1) Sometimes I do good things and sometimes I do bad things.
(2) When I do something good this PROVES that God, my Guardian Angel etc. are helping me to be good.
(3) Praise the Lord! Oh God help me to be strong and steadfast against temptation 'til I die so that You will not (in Your infinite mercy) send me to Hell.
(4) When I do something bad this PROVES that the Devil has tempted me to do EVIL.
(5) Whatever I do, it proves that either God or the Devil is real.
(6) If the Devil is real, then God is real.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

281. ARGUMENT FROM BEER (III)
(1) Real men like beer.
(2) God allowed real men to make beer.
(3) Therefore, God is real, and likes beer.

282. ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION
(1) Churches don't pay taxes.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

283. ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S PLAN, a.k.a. GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS
(1) There is a plan in the world.
(2) The existence of this plan can be seen from the fact that things are the way they are.
(3) My belief is part of the plan, and so is your non-belief.
(4) [Atheist: Why?]
(5) The plan is too infinitely great for our minds to comprehend the "why."
(6) An infinitely great plan must have an infinitely great mind behind it.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

284. ARGUMENT FROM HAULING ASS
(1) [Theist creates message board account and logs in.]
(2) "GOD IS REEL AND ALL YOU HEATHEN ATHEIST INFEDILS WILL BERN IN HELL FORE-EVER MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!!@#3FD"
(3) [Theist logs off and never returns.]
(4) Therefore, God exists.

285. ARGUMENT FROM BAPTIST BOARD, , a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (V)
(1) God calls us to be a peculiar people.
(2) Stop laughing, foul non-believer.
(3) In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity —
(4) Stop laughing, I said.
(5) We must be a people apart.
(6) This means not listening to anyone who believes differently than we do, because this would taint our peculiarity.
(7) If you do not stop laughing —
(8) (Oh, I have to do the end of the argument?)
(9) Therefore, God exists.
(9a) And God especially exists because non-believers are laughing at us, which means we're persecuted, which means we're special.
(10) Therefore, God exists.

286. ARGUMENTUM AD TINKERTOYUM, a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XII)
(1) Take some tinkertoys and make several "creations".
(2) Take the creations apart and dump the pieces in a plastic bag.
(3) Shake the pieces up and dump them on the floor. Repeat as many times as you wish.
(4) The tinkertoys will never reassemble themselves into the original creations.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

287. ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (II)
(1) A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing extensive surgery in the hospital.
(2) My whole family sat outside the O.R. and prayed through the entire eight hours of surgery.
(3) He lived.
(4) No, the highly trained physicians had nothing to do with it, unbeliever!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

288. ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD
(1) You look weird, atheist.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

289. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
(1) I was once abducted by aliens.
(2) What we call aliens are really demons, the Bible says so.
(3) If demons exist, than so does God.
(4) You've seen the X-files, haven't you?
(5) Therefore, God exists.

290. ARGUMENT FROM REVELATION
(1) God told me that he exists.
(2) God wouldn't lie.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

291. ARGUMENT FROM FORCE (I)
(1) [Argument from atheist]
(2) [Theist shoots atheist.]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

292. ARGUMENT FROM NAZIISM (INVERSE-GODWIN)
(1) Hitler didn't establish a Christian theocracy.
(2) Therefore, Hitler was an atheist.
(3) Hitler was the worst leader possible.
(4) Therefore, all atheists are bad people.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

293. ARGUMENT FROM UNCONSCIOUS THEISM
(1) Atheists think the universe created life.
(2) Well, they should if they thought about it really, really hard.
(3) But only a God can create life.
(4) So atheists should believe in God, if they weren't so dumb.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

294. ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNICATION FROM GOD
(1) I had this incredible experience that could only be explained by a communication from God.
(2) Atheist says, "Couldn't there be a natural explanation?"
(3) No, I'm telling you there is no way this could be explained naturally.
(4) Atheist suggests alternate explanations q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y and z.
(5) No, none of those can explain it.
(6) Because they can't!
(7) Atheist is not convinced.
(8) How dare you deny my very special experience!
(9) Atheist tries to explain that she's only questioning the theist's interpretation of that experience, and not the claim that something special was experienced.
(10) You just don't want to believe that what I experienced is from God, because you are a closed-minded, dogmatic materialist!
(11) And also, you are a big meanie and I'm not talking to you anymore!
(12) Therefore, God exists.

295. ARGUMENT FROM COLTRANE
(1) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is dedicated to God.
(2) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is full of passion.
(3) Atheists cannot explain Coltrane's passion in "A Love Supreme."
(4) Therefore, God exists.

296. ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON
(1) George Harrison wrote "My Sweet Lord."
(2) It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever, and one of the only pop songs devoted to God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

297. ARGUMENT FROM BEING A CATHOLIC
(1) The pope believes in God.
(2) The pope is infallible.
(3) I am Catholic and like the pope.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

298. ARGUMENT FROM GAME THEORY, a.k.a. PASCAL'S WAGER (II)
(1) Theist: (after lengthy explanation) Hence, pursuant to game theory, belief in an afterlife is the most sensible option.
(2) Atheist: Wait a minute. That's just Pascal's Wager dressed in different verbiage.
(3) Theist: Nuh uh!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

299. "TRUE BECAUSE IT IS INCONSISTENT" ARGUMENT
(1) If the Bible were cooked up by some smooth-talking manipulative authors, it would have been perfect and seamless and without any apparent inconsistencies.
(2) But the Bible IS inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy at many places.
(3) So the Bible is NOT a product of some smooth-talking manipulative authors.
(4) Hence the Bible is the word of God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

300. ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS
(1) As game theory clearly shows, the irreducibly complex nature of the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum level and renders God logically necessary.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

301. ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (I)
(1) Things hurt.
(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
(3) They really are whiney, aren't they?
(4) Christians are stronger than that.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

302. ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (II)
(1) Some things hurt a lot.
(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
(3) But since they can't derive "ought" from "is," their belief presupposes the existence of God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

303. EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT FROM EVIL / ARGUMENT FROM POWER / ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (I)
(1) I have a gun.
(2) [Atheist: "Ouch!!!"]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

304. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY
(1) Atheists think that the differences in religions disproves God's existence.
(2) Eh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.
(3) Everyone knows that you must accept Jesus Christ in order to be saved.
(4) Well, everyone who matters, anyway.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

305. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore, when I talk about God or related concepts, these words denote something.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

306. ARGUMENT FROM INDIGENOUS FOLKS
(1) Most indigenous folks all over the world started believing in gods independently.
(2) Belief in God is thus natural.
(3) Atheist: Many indigenous folks started eating each other, also independently.
(4) The Christian god forbids eating our fellow humans.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

307. ARGUMENT FROM STUPID CATS
(1) Look at this cat.
(2) Cats are stupid and cannot believe in God. Only humans can.
(3) Belief in God is something human.
(4) You are human, right?
(5) Therefore, God exits.

308. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (I)
(1) Science is always true.
(2) Science says that there is a vanishingly small chance that all of this could have happened on its own.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

309. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)
(1) Science is not always true.
(2) Therefore there is room for religious faith.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

310. LUVLUV'S ARGUMENT FROM THE PAIN PLAN
(1) Things hurt.
(2) Things hurting are part of God's plan.
(3) A lot of the good things in life only come through suffering.
(4) This is necessary to achieve God's plan.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

311. ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (II)
(1) I have a gun.
(2) In fact, we have a lot more guns than you do.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

312. ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON
(1) Graham Chapman appeared in a film that made fun of Jesus.
(2) Graham Chapman died of a horrible, incurable disease.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
(3a) And has no sense of humor.

313. ARGUMENT FROM WAR
(1) War is hell.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

314. ARGUMENT FROM ELVIS (ADAPTED FROM A CHURCH SIGN)
(1) Some people call Elvis the King.
(2) But we know Jesus is King.
(3) Even non-believers can have a glimpse of wisdom.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

315. LINGUAL ARGUMENT
(1) There's existence in nonexistence so...
(2) God exists even if he doesn't.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

316. DIVINE POWERS ARGUMENT
(1) God’s existence must be the work of God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

317. ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION (RELATED TO THE VARIOUS ARGUMENTS FROM OFFENSIVENESS)
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist asks any one of various questions, or even just starts to ask them.]
(3) Are you saying that God doesn't exist?
(4) You're oppressing me! You're depriving me of the right to believe in God if I want to!
(5) Oppression is bad.
(6) Therefore, you are bad.
(7) Therefore, you must be wrong.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

318. ARGUMENT FROM WHEAT
(1) A grain of wheat will always fall to the ground and the outer shell “dies”.
(2) But see, eventually the grain will grow into a fuller, more vital form.
(3) Hey, that's kinda like the Resurrection!
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

319. ARGUMENT FROM WARM AND FUZZY THINGS
(1) When I was an atheist, I didn't have any warm & fuzzy things in my life.
(2) I really like warm & fuzzy things.
(3) If the Christian God exists, lots of warm & fuzzy things are true because all these really smart theists say so.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(5) Old Testament? Never heard of it.

320. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)
(1) Everything was fine until man created science.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

321. GEORGE W. BUSH'S ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA
(1) God bless America.
(2) You're either with us or against us, remember.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

322. KARL MARX'S ARGUMENT FROM MASSIVE OPIATES
(1) Got to keep the public distracted.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

323. KING JOSIAH'S ARGUMENT
(1) Time to expand the kingdom.
(2) Therefore, (my) God exists.

324. ASHCROFT'S ARGUMENT
(1) I say God exists.
(2) I could have you locked up, you know.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

325. ARGUMENT FROM "IT'S MY BALL AND YOU CAN'T PLAY"
(1) There is abundant logical and empirical evidence that God does not exist.
(2) There is no evidence that God does exist.
(3) But God plays by completely different rules.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

326. ARGUMENT FROM DISCOMFORT
(1) I am happy, believing in God.
(2) Then you come along and say all this nasty stuff to take my happiness away.
(3) *sniff*... *sniff*... why are you making me uncomfortable?
(4) Anyone who makes other people uncomfortable must be different. And bad. And ignorant.
(5) Daddy will hug me!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

327. ARGUMENT FROM ARTIFACT
(1) Archeologists found the remains of a boat from Jesus' time.
(2) So the Bible is true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

328. ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (I)
(1) Sometimes a bad person hurts little babies because he doesn't have a happy life.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

329. ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (II)
(1) Sometimes little babies are different from one another; how could you explain that?!
(2) Like, one will be really happy, and another will be sad. Sometimes even twins.
(3) This proves the existence of the soul.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

330. ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD
(1) Me and my dad watched this video where the Virgin Mary appeared on a building in Egypt. No, it was kinda blurry...lots of people saw it though and they were pointing at it.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

331. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT YEAR IT IS
(1) The years of our calendar are dated from the birth of Christ.
(2) Therefore, atheists can't even live without making reference to Christ.
(3) Obviously, atheists really can't live apart from God, even though they say they can.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

332. ARGUMENT FROM GOD-CENTRISM
(1) Everything revolves around God, even the earth and the sun.
(2) Therefore, even atheists are revolving around God!
(3) Silly, aren't they, to deny the truth?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

333. ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWN QUALITIES
(1) God has qualities we mere humans can't possibly know.
(2) This answers all atheistic arguments.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

334. ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVING MISGUIDEDNESS
(1) Theist: X, Y, and Z all prove God's love for mankind. This love proves he exists.
(2) Atheist: But I can refute X, Y, Z and unsaid arguments A, B, and C...
(3) Theist: Don't worry, you're wrong and your questioning of God will send you to hell; but he loves you and I forgive you your arrogance.
(4) Atheist: But you haven't said anything rational.
(5) Theist: Jesus/God *loves* you. Duh. Therefore, God exists.
(6) Repeat (1) - (5) ad infinitum.

335. ARGUMENT FROM FEELING GOD'S PRESENCE
(1) Atheists just haven't truly felt God's presence yet.
(2) If they had ever felt God's presence, they would not be atheists.
(3) Theists have truly felt God's presence.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

336. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
(1) Doesn't it just make more sense that an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good deity created the world out of nothingness, from magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to this heaven no one has ever seen?
(2) Well, doesn't it?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

337. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE, ADDENDUM
(1) Atheist: No it doesn't.
(2) Theist: See, you're confusing the issue again! Think simple and sensible!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

338. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (I), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (VI)
(1) Scientific American published an article that shows creationism is nonsense.
(2) The first editor of Scientific American was a Christian.
(3) Therefore, whoever wrote that article is a traitor and a liar.
(4) Besides, Scientific American didn't hire a creationist in the 70s, so they're obviously trying to persecute Christians.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

339. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (VII)
(1) Answers in Genesis copied the full text of an article from Scientific American.
(2) Scientific American sent one email to Answers in Genesis saying that they don't necessarily want their articles distributed for free in the internet by just anyone.
(3) See? Scientific American persecutes Christians!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

340. ARGUMENT FROM PEPPERED MOTHS
(1) Science textbooks still use the "peppered moths" to prove evolution.
(2) Atheist says that he has never seen a textbook which claims anything of the sort, in fact the only place he hears about peppered moths is from creationist websites.
(3) Obviously the atheist has no clue what he's talking about then.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

341. ARGUMENT FROM GOD IS LIKE A RADIO SIGNAL, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS
(1) There are many radio signals floating around your head all the time.
(2) God is one of them.
(3) You just have to listen to the right signal.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

342. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM IN INDIA
(1) [Non-believer asks if the theist would still call his religious experiences Christian if he had been raised in another country.]
(2) Would you call your agnostic experiences agnostic if you had been raised in India?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

343. ARGUMENT FROM BESTSELLERDOM
(1) The Bible is the best-selling work in history.
(2) Now, just because it's popular doesn't mean it's the Word of God.
(3) But there's not much evidence to suggest it's not.
(4) [sound of non-believer spitting milk out her nose]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

344. JOSH MCDOWELL'S MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT
(1) Jesus was either lord, liar, or lunatic.
(2) Can you PROVE He was a liar or lunatic?
(3) Therefore, Jesus was Lord.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

345. ARGUMENT FROM ANARCHY
(1) There has to be an objective truth to the universe, and humans have to be able to access it.
(2) Otherwise, there would be anarchy everywhere.
(3) No courts or governments or anything.
(4) [Non-believer falls out of her chair from laughing so hard.]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

346. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE RIGHT
(1) God saves the king/queen.
(2) The king/queen hasn't died.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

347. ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
(1) There is no such thing as a square circle.
(2) God is not a square circle.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

348. ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP
(1) Dictators do not believe in God.
(2) Dictators are wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

349. MARTIN LUTHER'S ARGUMENT FROM TERROR
(1) The lightning storm filled me with the terror of God's wrath.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

350. ARGUMENT FROM MEANING (II)
(1) Nothing has meaning without God.
(2) I mean...
(3) Therefore, God exists.

351. ARGUMENT FROM MEANING (III)
(1) Without God, life has no ultimate meaning and purpose.
(2) My life has to have meaning and purpose.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

352. ARGUMENT FROM RIGHT AND WRONG (I)
(1) Without God, there is no no ultimate right and wrong.
(2) I want there to be ultimate right and wrong, so I don't have to decide.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

353. ARGUMENT FROM DOSTOEVSKY, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM RIGHT AND WRONG (II) (see Dostoevsky Didn't Say It)
(1) If God does not exist, everything is permitted.
(2) I can't accept that.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

354. ARGUMENT FROM DESTINY
(1) Without God, there is no no ultimate destiny and my destiny is dust.
(2) I can't accept that because I want more.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

355. ARGUMENT FROM SEMANTIC UNCERTAINTY
(1) Atheists can't quite agree on the exact definition of atheism.
(2) Therefore all atheists are wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

356. ARGUMENT FROM TROUBLESOMENESS
(1) God really, really bothers me.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

357. WAYSON'S ARGUMENT
(1) Scientists generally accept the theory of evolution.
(2) I don't.
(3) Therefore, they are lying or fabricating their data.
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

358. ARGUMENT FROM NEGATIVE THEOLOGY, or THAT'S ONE REALLY BIG HOLE YOU'VE GOT THERE IN YOUR GROUND OF BEING
(1) We live in a world of pain and suffering.
(2) It seems that God is completely and utterly absent from our world.
(3) This complete and utter absence constitutes an infinite void.
(4) Only an infinite being could create the infinite void that we experience.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

359. ARGUMENT FROM EXCESSIVE STUPIDITY
(1) Some people are smart enough to be able to live without belief in God.
(2) I am not intelligent enough to live without belief in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

360. ARGUMENT FROM ALGEBRA, a.k.a. EULER'S ARGUMENT TO DIDEROT
(1) You don't understand algebra, right?
(2) (a+b^n)/n = x
(3) Therefore, God exists. (Donc Dieu existe.)

361. ARGUMENT FROM RATIONALITY, a.k.a. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST or TRANSCENDENTAL (II)
(1) God is rational so, if God existed, the universe would be rational.
(2) But, if God didn't exist, the universe probably wouldn't be rational.
(3) So, if atheists were right, rationality wouldn't exist and they couldn't prove God's nonexistence with it.
(4) No, I'm not going to explain why God should be rational.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

362. ARGUMENT FROM NAZI DECEPTION
(1) Hitler and his Nazis were atheists.
(2) Yes, they fooled a lot of people into thinking they were Christians. That was propaganda. They were atheists.
(3) This proves that atheists are the masters of deception.
(4) Revelation says that the antichrist will deceive people.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

363. ARGUMENT FROM NAZI EVIL
(1) Hitler and his Nazis were atheists.
(2) I don't care what the historical evidence says about their being Christians. Christians cannot be evil, and only atheists would be capable of the Holocaust.
(3) So Nazis, like all truly evil people, are atheists.
(4) Therefore, all atheists are truly evil. They must be servants of Satan.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

364. ARGUMENT FROM DARWINIAN DIVINITY
(1) Atheists are evolutionists who worship Darwin.
(2) See, everyone needs to worship a god, even atheists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

365. ARGUMENT FROM BAD NEIGHBORS
(1) My neighbor is always snooping through my garbage.
(2) I prayed for something bad to happen to my neighbor.
(3) Then my neighbor stuck his hand into a bear trap in my garbage.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

366. ARGUMENT FROM ANAL FRUSTRATION
(1) God my ASS!!
(2) My ass exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

367. ARGUMENT FROM YOU ARE ALWAYS LOVED
(1) You are always loved.
(2) God invented love.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

368. ARGUMENT FROM GOD WILL PROVIDE
(1) I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.
(2) But something always happens to sustain me. My parents support me, I find a job, etc. God provides!
(3) No, it's NOT the actions of the humans themselves! How could you think that?"
(4) Therefore, God exists.

369. ARGUMENT FROM NOT CONTRADICTING SUPERNATURALISM
(1) Science can give evidence for the existence of God.
(2) At the points where it doesn't, scientists should just shut up.
(3) Therefore, no evidence against God will ever be developed.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

370. ARGUMENT FROM DON'T BE IMPRISONED BY YOUR OWN LOGIC
(1) You could see the beauty of God if you would just open your eyes.
(2) God won't show himself to a person who has his eyes closed, you know.
(3) Logic can keep you from God, but only if you let it.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

371. ARGUMENT FROM LEFT TURN OUT OF McDONALD'S
(1) A lady in an SUV with cell phone to her head pulls out of McD's with no concept of oncoming traffic.
(2) A frustrated motorist yells "Jesus Christ!"
(3) Therefore, God exists.

372. ARGUMENT FROM EAR SHAPE (AND CUTENESS)
(1) A drunken twentyish guy pontificates about ear shape and evolutionary processes.
(2) A nearby woman rebuts his assertion and proclaims intelligent design.
(3) She's cute, so he's not going to argue with her.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

373. ARGUMENT FROM M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
(1) Mel Gibson plays a reverend whose wife is horribly killed, and he loses his faith.
(2) The Earth is suddenly attacked, his family is terrorized, he loses two pets, and many people across the globe presumably die.
(3) An alien grabs and terrorizes his son, injecting him with a poison. But with the help of said son's asthma, and the last words of his dead wife, he gets lucky and the kid doesn't quite die.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
4a) And don't you dare stop believing in him — otherwise, he might try to restore your faith by scaring the hell out of you.

374. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENCY
(1) You have to have faith!
(2) [Atheist: How do you define faith?]
(3) You know . . . Faith!
(4) [Atheist: No, I don't know. Please enlighten me.]
(5) You do so have faith! You're just trying to confuse me!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

375. ARGUMENT FROM YOU'RE TOO NICE
(1) You're too nice to be an atheist.
(2) Therefore you can't be an atheist. You must believe in God.
(3) [Atheist: Actually, no . . .]
(4) I'm not listening! LA LA LA LA LA!
(5) Therefore, God exists. To infinity.

376. DAN QUAYLE'S ARGUMENT
(1) Gode Exists.

377. BILL CLINTON'S ARGUMENT
(1) The existence of God depends on your definition of the word "of."
(2) Therefore, God exists.

378. JOHNNY COCHRAN'S ARGUMENT
(1) If God exist, you must acquist!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

379. GEORGE W. BUSH'S ARGUMENT
(1) That god won't hunt.
(2) Y'all.
(3) Ergo, um, axle of evil, ahh, claridify, umm, supportification, ah, pretzel.
(3) Y'all.
(4) What he said.
(5) Therefore, God existifies.
(2) Launch.

380. GODEL'S ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETENESS
(1) Any proof of God's existence will always be incomplete.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

381. MINIMALISTIC ARGUMENT
(1) God

382. PLUMBER'S ARGUMENT
(1) Therefore, God exists.
(2) That'll be five hundred dollars.

383. THE SOUP NAZI'S ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, he will stand in line like everybody else.
(2) That's it! No soup for you!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

384. GOD'S MOTHER'S ARGUMENT
(1) You never call.
(2) Mr. Bigshot, too important to call his own mother.
(3) I might as well not exist. *sniff*
(4) And if I don't exist . . .
(5) [God quickly calls his mother]
(6) Therefore, God exists.
6a) Now let me materialize a nice hot cup of chicken soup . . .

385. ARGUMENT FROM CLASSIFIED ADS
(1) Suprmdl sks lv-in bdygrd. 1 bdrm apt.
(2) Thr4 Gd xsts.

386. ARGUMENT FROM DAUGHTER
(1) Can I have twenty bucks?
(2) I HATE you!
(3) Can you take me to the mall?
(4) There IS a God!

387. ARGUMENT FROM SON
(1) God made me do it.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

388. ARGUMENT FROM SPOUSE
(1) If you are still on that damned computer, God help you!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

389. ARGUMENT FROM LONG SILENCE
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist explains why he doesn't.]
(3) [long silence]
(4) [Atheist forgets about the argument and goes home.]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

390. ARGUMENT FROM FOOD CHAIN
(1) Humans are right at the top of the food chain.
(2) God made it this way.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

391. ARGUMENT FROM UNDERSTANDING
(1) You're not meant to understand.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

392. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (II)
(1) Everyone knows that aliens don't exist.
(2) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(3) Oh, but God's different!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

393. ARGUMENT FROM SURVIVAL OF THE STUPID
(1) Norman and Jason have been posting for a couple of years now.
(2) And yet, there's no possible way that anyone THAT fucking stupid could survive more than an hour without supernatural assistance.
(3) It's a miracle!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

394. ARGUMENT FROM DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITY
(1) The U.S. has the firepower to slaughter as many third world people as it wants.
(2) The U.S. uses that firepower regularly.
(3) Of course, America's firepower and willingness to use it are God's will.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

395. ARGUMENT FROM HUME (BRITT, NOT DAVID)
(1) If Osama bin Laden is still alive, then Dubya's war on terrorism has thus far failed.
(2) I can't wrap my mind around the idea that the war has been a failure, even in part.
(3) Therefore, we must interpret the fact that we haven't seen any new bin Laden tapes for a while as conclusive proof that bin Laden is dead.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

396. ARGUMENT FROM JESUS LOVES ME
(1) Jesus loves me because the Bible says so.
(2) If radiometric dating is valid, then Jesus might not love me after all because the Bible might not be literal truth.
(3) That's unacceptable.
(4) Therefore, radiometric dating is bogus, the Bible is literally true, Jesus loves me, and God exists.

397. ARGUMENT FROM THE LOTTERY
(1) Thousands of people in New York were murdered by terrorists on 9/11/01
(2) The winning New York lottery numbers on 9/11/02 were 911.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

398. ARGUMENT FROM AMBROSIA
(1) Mountain Dew is the nectar of the Gods.
(2) But God does not condone polytheism. And God knows best.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

399. ARGUMENT FROM HEISENBERG UNCERTAINTY
(1) The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (HUP) states that the location or the movement of a particle can be known, but not simultaneously.
(2) But God knows everything.
(3) Therefore, the HUP is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

400. ARGUMENT FROM PULP FICTION
(1) God came down from heaven, and stopped those motha-fuckin' bullets.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

401. ARGUMENT FROM VOLTAIRE, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM NECESSARY INVENTION
(1) Voltaire said, "If God didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
(2) I concur.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

402. ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE
(1) Nietzsche said, "The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist."
(2) Not true. God's got PLENTY of excuses.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

403. ARGUMENT FROM FIGHT CLUB
(1) We are God's unwanted children.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

404. ARGUMENT FROM BASELESS CLAIM
(1) If you can show _______, then that would be evidence against God's existence.
(2) If you can't fill in that blank with some criteria, then the statement that there is a God seems to be without content, since no matter what the evidence was, you would still believe in a God.
(3) That's right.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

405. ARGUMENT FROM COMPLEXITY, a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XIII)
(1) That which is complex has a creator.
(2) The universe is complex.
(3) Only God is complex enough to create the universe.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

406. ARGUMENT FROM SOME JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES AT PERCHANCE'S DOOR (ULTRA-CONDENSED VERSION)
(1) Russia was atheistic.
(2) But Russia collapsed.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

407. ARGUMENT FROM 2+2=4
(1) 2+2=4
(2) Think about how improbable that is.
(3) If the universe were left to random chance, 2+2 would probably not equal 4.
(4) Instead, it might be equal to -43, or 7,894,321,695,844, or something else.
(5) Only God could make 2+2=4.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

408. FERMAT'S LAST ARGUMENT
(1) My proof is so big it doesn't fit into the margins.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

409. ARGUMENT FROM INTUITION
(1) Democritus, and the writers of creation myths, and correct intuitions that there are atoms, and the world had not existed forever, respectively.
(2) Therefore, intuition in general is reliable.
(3) My intuition tells me that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

410. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AN ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Well . . .
(2) Um . . .
(3) You see . . .
(4) Um . . .
(5) Therefore, God exists.

411. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AN ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I don't have an argument for God.
(2) My lack of an argument makes me morally superior to you atheists.
(3) This indicates a baseline standard of morality that must have been derived from God.
(4) MY GOD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *coughcough* Ouchies . . .
(5) [see next argument for further details]
(6) Therefore, God exists.

412. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AN ARGUMENT (III)
(1) No, I WASN'T arguing!
(2) WAS NOT!
(3) What do you mean, I'm arguing now?
(4) WHAT!?!?!?
(5) [see previous argument for further details]
(6) Therefore, God exists.

413. ARGUMENT FROM LENGTH
(1) Here is a 200 page document, all in one giant paragraph, that proves God's existence.
(2) You didn't refute the third argument on page 167.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

414. TERCEL'S ARGUMENT FROM MYTH GESTATION TIME
(1) The gospels were written X amount of time after the events they describe.
(2) It takes longer than X for mythological content to be added to writings about people.
(3) [Atheist points out examples of myths popping up about events after periods much shorter than X, even "living legends" who had myths circulate them during their own lifetime.]
(4) Oh, those are just exceptions to the rule!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

415. McCARTHY'S ARGUMENT
(1) All atheists are commies.
(2) You're not a commie, are you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

416. ETERNAL'S ARGUMENT FROM GENITALIA
(1) I have a penis.
(2) I can pee and ejaculate with it.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

417. ARGUMENT FROM EXPERIENCE
(1) You're too young.
(2) You haven't yet experienced life's absurdity.
(3) You'll grow up.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

418. ARGUMENT FROM UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
(1) Life is full of important questions.
(2) I need God to answer them.
(3) No, I'm NOT jumping on the first bogus answer people have been feeding me with!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

419. ARGUMENT FROM CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
(1) I like chocolate ice cream.
(2) I opened my freezer, and behold, there was chocolate ice cream in it.
(3) God is so nice with all his little attentions!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

420. ARGUMENT FROM MISDEFINITION OF A RELIGION
(1) You don't want to be an evolutionist, do you?
(2) [Atheist explains that evolution is a scientific theory, not a religion.]
(3) But you believe in it.
(4) That means you support Social Darwinism.
(5) And that's just yucky.
(6) I don't want to be yucky, so I can't support evolution.
(7) But I need some explanation for the origin of life.
(8) [Atheist: Evolution has nothing to do with—]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

421. ARGUMENT FROM ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES
(1) First of all, I'd like to thank my lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
(2) [shout out to all my homies in the balcony]
(3) I couldn't have done this without Jesus.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

422. ARGUMENT FROM QUOTE MINING
(1) Here is an irrelevant quote by Stephen Jay Gould that proves that evolution is wrong.
(2) [Atheist: Uhhh, that quote is a bit out of context. Actually, if you read the whole page from which the quote is taken, you'll see that—]
(3) Since evolution is wrong, creationism is true.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

423. ARGUMENT FROM IDIOTS AT THE DOOR
(1) Hello, we would like to talk about God —
(2) GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

424. ARGUMENT FROM SNOTTY BRITISH BIOLOGIST
(1) Richard Dawkins ridicules religion in some of his books.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

425. ARGUMENT FROM OPENING OF MOUTH
(1) If you talk about something, that means it actually exists.
(2) God.
(3) Odin.
(4) Nah-uh.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

426. JOAN OF ARC'S ARGUMENT
(1) I found a sword in a field.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

427. ARGUMENT FROM STUDENT PAPERS
(1) I'm writing my paper at the last minute.
(2) I know I should have done it two weeks ago, when I first knew about the paper, but I was busy.
(3) I pray that God will help me get it done by morning.
(4) Yay! It's done!
(5) Who cares that it's not nearly as good as it could have been if I'd spent several days on it?
(6) Thank you, Lord!
(7) Therefore, God exists.

428. ARGUMENT FROM STUDENT PAPERS (II)
(1) This author is stupid bitch.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

429. ARGUMENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S REALITY
(1) I have experienced God.
(2) Other people have not.
(3) Poor people. There is something wrong with their perception of reality.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

430. ARGUMENT FROM "OFFICE SPACE"
(1) PC Load Letter, what the fuck is that?
(2) Someone must know what it means.
(3) Michael Bolton doesn't know (and he's smart).
(4) God would know.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

431. ARGUMENT FROM "AMERICAN BEAUTY" (I)
(1) This bag was swirling around in the wind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

432. ARGUMENT FROM "AMERICAN BEAUTY" (II)
(1) Thora Birch.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

433. ARGUMENT FROM THE TGE PROJECT
(1) The TGE Project's list has gone on far longer than any reasonable person would expect.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

434. ARGUMENT FROM KEVIN BACON
(1) Kevin Bacon is haunting my dorm.
(2) He keeps rattling and scratching at my door at night.
(3) I prayed to Jebus, and Kevin Bacon hasn't broken down my door yet.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

435. ARGUMENT FROM MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE RADIO
(1) I was listening to the radio, and I started thinking about my favorite song.
(2) Then my favorite song started playing on the radio!
(3) God must have heard my thoughts!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

436. ARGUMENT FROM THE FORCE
(1) Dude, the Force is totally a metaphor for God!
(2) What do you mean that doesn't prove anything? It's Star Wars!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

437. ARGUMENT FROM "I WAS A SICK SON OF A BITCH"
(1) When I was an atheist, I smoked crack, robbed gas stations, raped prostitutes, and stole candy from babies.
(2) When I found Jesus, I stopped doing that stuff.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

438. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENT WEB DESIGN
(1) The AIG website is too complex to have arisen by chance.
(2) Therefore it was intelligently designed.
(3) Therefore, the designers are intelligent, so we can trust what they say.
(4) They say God exists.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

439. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENT WEB DESIGN
(1) The AIG website is too complex to have arisen by chance.
(2) Therefore it was intelligently designed.
(3) Creationists are not intelligent, so it must have been God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

440. ARGUMENT FROM CONTRADICTION
(1) Assume that God exists.
(2) The atheist claims that God doesn't exist.
(3) But since this contradicts the original assumption, the atheist must be wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

441. ARGUMENT FROM MESSED UP TRINITARIAN REASONING
(1) God is three.
(2) Three's a crowd.
(3) A crowd consists of people.
(4) People exist.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

442. THE INEVITABLE ARGUMENT FROM HOMER SIMPSON
(1) Doh!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

443. ARGUMENT FROM "24"
(1) The following takes place between 9:00 PM and 10:00 PM on the day of the California Presidential Primary.
(2) [Christian spends an hour "witnessing"]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

444. ARGUMENT FROM POT
(1) Everything on Earth is here for people to use.
(2) Weed makes you feel really good.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

445. ARGUMENT FROM TASTY ANIMALS
(1) If we weren't meant to eat animals, they wouldn't be made of meat.
(2) Animals are made of meat.
(3) Therefore, God meant us to eat them.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(4a) ... and he wants me to eat your cow.

446. ELRIC'S ARGUMENT FROM QUICK DEATH (TM)
(1) The Bible is full of mass murdering, infant slaying, child-killing bastards who claimed to do God's work.
(2) Personally, I would rather die a quick death at the hands of a madman than a slow one. Wouldn't you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

447. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALS (II)
(1) If God created us as in Adam and Eve, then there would not be homosexuals.
(2) Therefore, all homosexuals are really straight people just pretending to be gay.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

448. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Let's imagine that God doesn't exist.
(2) That's absurd.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

449. ARGUMENT FROM BULLY
(1) I say God exists.
(2) If you don't believe me, I'll punch you in the face.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

450. ARGUMENT FROM RANDOM COUNTERPOINT
(1) God doesn't exist.
(2) Or does he . . .?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

451. ARGUMENT FROM ASSHOLE
(1) God exists, asshole.
(2) Therefore, God exists. Asshole.

452. AUDREY MEYER'S ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE
(1) Ignorance runs rampant.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

453. ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK (II)
(1) The makers of Star Trek presented the view that human life was planted by aliens.
(2) They did this because they knew that life emerging from elementary particles was improbable.
(3) But this only delays the answer to the problem of origins.
(4) Easy answer: God did it.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

454. JOB 19:25's ARGUMENT FROM GRATUITOUS SUFFERING
(1) A doctor I knew didn't believe in God.
(2) He saw children dying of cancer.
(3) They said they saw angels right before they passed away.
(4) He became convinced.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

455. ARGUMENT FROM PORN
(1) Atheists are immoral wretches who approve perversions such as incest.
(2) Just look at porn.
(3) Don't you watch Howard Stern? All porn stars are atheists!
(4) You bunch of perverts. Repent!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

456. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EMPLOYMENT
(1) The other day I was praying about what kind of job I should take.
(2) Then I picked up the paper and read an article that mentioned the name of a popular donut shop. For some reason I felt "led" to go apply there. When I arrived, I felt a bit uneasy, but then I noticed one car parked out front — the 3 letters on the license plate were my exact initials in order. And the store van had the number 333 on it!
(3) They weren't hiring, but therefore, God exists anyway.

457. GILDA RADNER'S ARGUMENT
(1) What's all this fuss I hear about whether God exits?
(2) Well of course he does!
(3) If I'm going to go somewhere else, I have to exit this room.
(4) And God's been everywhere, so he must have done a lot of exiting.
(5) Therefore, God exits.
(6) [told that debate is whether God exists.]
(7) Oh. That's different. Never mind.

458. ARGUMENT FROM MATHEMATICIANS
(1) We humans are living beings, and thus biological.
(2) Biology is based on biochemistry.
(3) All biochemistry is chemistry.
(4) Chemistry is based on physics.
(5) Physics is based on mathematics.
(6) Therefore, everything is mathematical, including us.
(7) Polls show that, of all scientists, mathematicians are most likely to believe in God.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

459. ARGUMENT FROM PENIS ENLARGEMENT
(1) I became a born-again Christian when I was 12.
(2) Since then, my penis has grown about 2 inches.
(3) Hence, belief in God enlarges your penis.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

460. ARGUMENT FROM CONSEQUENCES OF THE ABSURD (THE MOST IRREFUTABLE ARGUMENT)
(1) Suppose God didn't exist.
(2) Then he wouldn't have made the universe.
(3) And he wouldn't have spread his word.
(4) And he wouldn't have sent his own son to sacrifice himself for mankind.
(5) But the universe does exist.
(6) And the Bible is spread all over the world.
(7) And Jesus did die.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

461. VANDERZYDEN'S ARGUMENT FROM SECRET KNOWLEDGE
(1) There is overwhelming evidence for the existence of God.
(2) No, I'm not going to tell you what it is.
(3) The only possible explanation for your lack of knowledge is that you haven't studied enough.
(4) Or maybe your atheistic presupposition is blinding you to the truth.
(5) But trust me — it's overwhelming.
(6) It's so overwhelming that no reasonable person can honestly reach the conclusion that God does not exist.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

462. ARGUMENT FROM OSAMA
(1) If Osama bin Laden were saved by God, then you would see the effects of God on him.
(2) But he hasn't gotten saved by God.
(3) But just pretend he has.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

463. ARGUMENT FROM ENGINEERING
(1) I'm an engineer.
(2) If I applied the same logic to my engineering work as I do to my rationale for God's existence, then the things I engineer would fall apart.
(3) Somehow, I am still employed as an engineer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

464. GEMMA THERESE'S ARGUMENT FROM THE WONDERFUL NATURE OF MONKS AND NUNS
(1) I have met many nuns who seem to be gentle, sweet women living for Christ.
(2) Some of these nuns have dementia.
(3) Others are of sound mind, but must watch and understand what is happening as the minds of those with dementia are slowly destroyed.
(4) Despite these awful things, they have total trust in God and dedication to him.
(5) I sat with one once who said, "I was just thinking about how good God has been to us."
(6) Even the ones who have dementia, etc. remember their prayers.
(7) It cannot possibly be that the nuns with worse characters are kept away from the volunteers.
(8) Nor can it possibly be that nuns with severe dementia who no longer remember their prayers are kept away from the volunteers.
(9) All monks and nuns simply must be as wonderful as those I know.
(10) By contrast, atheists are arrogant people who refuse to shut themselves away uselessly in cloisters singing praise to atheism.
(11) Therefore, God exists.

465. ARGUMENT FROM IRS DIFFICULTY
(1) The IRS fucking sucks.
(2) Mr. Kent Hovind is busy making them chase their tails!
(3) So what if half of America likes to waste their time?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

466. ARGUMENT FROM REPETITION
(1) God exists.
(2) God exists.
(3) God exists.
...
(n) God exists.
(n+1) Therefore, God exists.

467. ARGUMENT FROM IMPERFECT REPETITION
(1) God God God God God God God God God God God God Jesus God God God God God God God God God Lord and Savior God God God God God God God God God Hell God God God God God God God God God God God God God Eternal Paradise God God God God God God God God God God God God God God God God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

468. ARGUMENT FROM NOAH'S ARK
(1) They found a boat on a mountain somewhere.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

469. ARGUMENT FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA
(1) I hear voices in my head.
(2) The voices say they are God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

470. ARGUMENT FROM WORDS I MADE UP
(1) (insert religious rant)
(2) Dr. Heckle and Mr. Jeckle.
(3) You see I create words, why can't God create the universe?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

471. ARGUMENT FROM SALAD BAR
(1) I only believe in the parts of the Bible that I want to believe.
(2) The parts I believe are logical and make sense.
(3) Therefore, the Bible is logical and makes sense.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

472. SILENT DAVE'S ARGUMENT
(1) Chicken Girl.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

473. CHICKEN GIRL'S ARGUMENT
(1) Silent Dave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

474. ARGUMENT FROM SKEWED ASSUMPTIONS
(1) You're an atheist? But you're so nice!
(2) I just assumed you were a Christian.
(3) The niceness must be the light of God shining in you, whether you know it or not.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

475. ARGUMENT FROM ANGER
(1) Jesus came to bring peace, and there's not a word in the Bible that says otherwise.
(2) [Atheist quotes the "I came not to bring peace but a sword" part]
(3) You sound angry when you say that. Why are you so angry?
(4) You're angry at God, aren't you?
(5) Therefore, God exists.

476. ARGUMENT FROM SELF-EVIDENCE
(1) People can agree on certain things, right?
(2) For example, we can agree that there is a tree standing right over there.
(3) We don't spend a lot of time arguing about the existence of the tree, because it's so self-evident.
(4) God's existence is similarly self-evident.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

477. ARGUMENT FROM SELF-EVIDENCE, ABRIDGED
(1) God is self-evident.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

478. ARGUMENT FROM CERTAIN KNOWLEDGE OF OBJECTIVE MORALS
(1) Every culture thinks murder is bad.
(2) They do so!
(3) And God forbids murder.
(4) And every culture thinks incest is bad, and God forbids incest.
(5) They do so, too!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

479. ARGUMENT FROM NERVOUS SCIENTISTS
(1) Scientists working on evolution are beginning to realize that it's a failed theory.
(2) They are so! They're just too nervous to admit their mistake, because they've led all those souls to Hell.
(3) Why would they be nervous if God didn't exist?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

480. ARGUMENT FROM EMINEM
(1) I like Eminem's music.
(2) He's using it to spread good to the world.
(3) One day, everyone who listens to his music will realize he's singing about stupid things to keep people from doing them.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

481. ARGUMENT FROM THIS WONDERFUL HISTORIAN
(1) There's this wonderful historian!
(2) His academic credentials are NEVER doubted by like-minded Christians!
(3) Now, this historian has proved conclusively, to his own satisfaction and to the satisfaction of like-minded Christians, that the Bible must be totally true.
(4) Therefore, both the Old Testament and the New Testament have been proven true.
(5) I hear the skeptic ask: If this his historically true, why do so many historians doubt the reliability of the Bible?
(6) The answer is, there is a conspiracy among the unfaithful to prevent this proof of Christianity being known.
(7) Naturally, the conspiracy must include powerful people like President Bush, or it could not succeed.
(8) Doubt not, O unbeliever, only have FAITH!
(9) Therefore, God exists.

482. CHRISTMAS ARGUMENT
(1) How can you doubt Christianity now, at this most special and most Holy time of the year?
(2) Today, oh unbeliever, surely you must fall down in adoration when you consider how God sent his only son to redeem all mankind from Hell!
(3) Today, oh unbeliever, surely you must fall down in adoration when you consider how we are all God's children!
(4) Today, oh unbeliever, surely you must remember how many will go to perdition, as it says in the Holy Book of Revelation!
(5) God in his infinite compassion does not want you to go to Hell, which He in His infinite mercy created!
(6) Cease your unbelief, and join in the wonder of Christmas!
(7) Praise the Baby Jesus!
(8) Praise the Baby Jesus!
(9) Praise the Baby Jesus!
(10) Therefore, God exists.

483. ARGUMENT FROM PROBABLE PROOF
(1) God exists.
(2) Can I prove it? Probably.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

484. ARGUMENT FROM EGO
(1) God is what the universe revolves around.
(2) The universe revolves around me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

485. ARGUMENT FROM FLUFFY CATS IN SUNLIGHT
(1) A cat basking in sunlight smells good.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

486. ARGUMENT FROM LEGOLAS (TEENAGED GIRL'S ARGUMENT)
(1)
(2) Therefore, God exists.

487. ARGUMENT FROM OVERSTRESSED TEACHING ASSISTANT
(1) I have to write two papers and grade a hundred.
(2) There's no possible way I can get all of this work done!
(3) [16-hour working frenzy]
(4) I got it all done! God must have helped me!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

488. ARGUMENT FROM T.A. PRAYING OVER PACKED LUNCH
(1) O Lord, bless this Lunchable, and let it not be all moldy like the last one.
(2) [gingerly peeks]
(3) It's not moldy! Praise the Lord!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

489. ARGUMENT FROM NOTHING
(1) Nothing comes from nothing.
(2) God is not nothing.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

490. ARGUMENT FROM DESCARTES BASTARDIZES, PART DEUX
(1) I don't think.
(2) Therefore, God is.

491. ARGUMENT FROM SALEM WITCH TRIALS
(1) The Bible says, "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
(2) So we killed them.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

492. ARGUMENT FROM "FIELD OF DREAMS"
(1) He built it.
(2) They came.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

493. ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE MICHAEL
(1) George Michael says you got to have a' faith, a' faith, a' faith.
(1) I have faith.
(1) Therefore, God exists.

494. ARGUMENT FROM COMPLEXITY (II), a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XIV)
(1) The human body is too complex to have happened by chance.
(2) So it must have been designed.
(3) [Atheist: Well, wouldn't God be even more complex? So does he have a designer?]
(4) See previous argument.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

495. ARGUMENT FROM CHER
(1) Do you believe in life after love?
(2) I can feel something inside me.
(3) That something must be God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

496. ARGUMENT FROM ENTHUSIASTIC GOSPEL MUSIC a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM BLUES BROTHERS
(1) When I go to church, people dance, sing, and clap.
(2) It's fun. I like dancing, singing and clapping.
(3) Also, the youth group gets ice cream and cookies from the collection money!
(4) I like ice cream and cookies.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

497. ARGUMENT FROM LIGHT SWITCH
(1) My husband slowly died of cancer.
(2) But the light switch in the cellar somehow started working properly again, and to my knowledge my husband hadn't fixed it before he died.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

498. ARGUMENT FROM INTUITION AND CONSCIENCE
(1) We feel certain things to be right or wrong.
(2) The reason we feel wrong about certain things is because of our intuition, a.k.a. our conscience.
(3) I'll just ignore the resemblance of intuition with our thoughts, emotions, and animal instinct, or our childhood indoctrination by our culture.
(4) Intuition and conscience are so special! They must be given by God!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

499. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL ATHEIST BOARD
(1) Look at this board. People are so cynical, sarcastic, abusive, hateful, etc.
(2) On the other hand, Christian boards are always gentle, nice, supportive, considerate, etc.
(3) I'll just ignore all the censorship rules in Christian boards, and also my own attitude.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

500. YGUY'S ARGUMENT
(1) What is the root of all knowledge?
(2) A six-year-old can answer this, while you smart-ass atheists can't.
(3) No, it's not Sesame Street.
(4) It's the phrase "I don't know."
(5) Therefore, God exists.