well, i'm listening to this music and think about men who're doing something cool, meanwhile i'm just wasting my time to try to not do thing that i do not want to do, or too complicated things that demands more than a little bit of efforts. So, they're doing something, i'm doing nothing.
And when i listen this - i want to do too, but music just stop - and i'm the same shit again. the magic dissapears, and the question
"what can i do? how can i solve this fuckin' problem?"
so, i don't know. somehow.
it's more likely that i kill or push off my love, than i change myself
and it's stupid and predictable, but i see so huge part of egoism in my behavior, when i'm sure that somebody loves me i don't try to be more closer to this person, i just use *s love to be able to expose my best bad traits
like everybody, you know. just like everybody, nothing special,

but i always think that i'm special
so, i can be special in my imagination, but i'm fucking clever and will know that it's a miracle
or i can change. or i can't change.

and i don't know the exactly word but wiil try to express anyway:
DON'T FUCK YOURSELF

or don't cuss out completely
or don't squander

and here will not russian posts anymore, because there aren't very especial thoughts and english is the best language to express mediocrity фтв commonness
good health, menwo


p.s. all this music in my head - like she said it breaks my heart
and it breaks my thoughts so i try to banish it, because i hate when some pieces of music are going circles and repeating on and on and on and on
with nothing new, it's like a prison