Was thinking about the conversation with my mom… Was trying to analyze it.
She asked me if I still write my poems.
I said – not recently. There is no Emanuele anymore.
It was a joke but it was not at the same time.
Just to mention his name is already a big thing to me.
It’s true… There is no more Emanuele.
I know that I’m not a forgetting type. I know that for sure.
I thought of him. I think I would call him, if I had a telephone card I could use to call to Italy.
I might call him when I’ll come back home to Russia. Maybe. I’ll chicken out, probable. Get scared. Well, now I don’t think so.
I think of him with less emotions now.
When I wear the necklace or a bracelet that he gave me and go “see” another guy I don’t feel like I’m cheating on him anymore.
I know that I will always love him. And not just with a little tiny part of my heart but with all of my heart.
He was THAT the first love that I wish every girl would have. Romantic, emotional, magic, amazing…
He taught me a lot of things, even if he had no idea he did.
He taught me how to believe in myself.
He taught me how to be strong when I wasn’t seeing him.
He taught me that I could be loved when we were together.
He showed me that I am beautiful.
I felt beautiful just being with him.
I was fearless. He slept next to me. I slept next to him.
He gave me inspiration for almost couple years, for my poetry, my thoughts, my life.
Seems like I won’t stop typing, right?
Ok. How can I forget all of these? I will always love him with all of my heart.
I will be always thankful to him for this and to God that I had it. I have it still. He still lives in my memory. He’ll never die.
I’m not the forgetting type!

When I close my eyes I can see your face
Clearly then anything else…

that's all that I can. I don't write anymore..........
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