As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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Abe goes to see his rabbi.
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?"
Abe replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The rabbi was very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?"
Abe then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the rabbi calls Abe and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
Abe anxiously says, "Yes."
"Take the poison," says the rabbi.