Так блин, только заметил... Под моим именем написано "Настоящий китаец"... Раньше было написано писатель...
Наверное все смеются... А при чем тут китаец вообще непоиму...

Как давно написано, незнаю... Только сейчас заметил...
Кто написал? Тоже незнаю...

Hаписать другое - неполучается. У меня нет наверное руских шрифтов (или чевото другово), так как когда нажимаю на тот линк штобы изменит дневник, выходят иероглифы...

Кто нибудь знает как ето исправить, што переписать надо???
Я ненастолько computer-literate штобы знать ?

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex
2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay
3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins
4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin
5. Can't hail a cab - Impotent
6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote
7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan
8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho
9. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow
10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow
11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm
12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way"
13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed
14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue
15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't
16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only
17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs
18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation
19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come
20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep on the wet spot
21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you
22. Changes tables - Nymphomaniac
23. Drinks Decaffeinated. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)
24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)
25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money
26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex
27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob
28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch
29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters
30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count
31. Under tips waiter - Small penis
32. Under tips parking valet - Small penis
33. Under tips cabby - Small penis
34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything
35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex
36. Cellular phone in car - Penile implant

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

You are a Bitch.

When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.

Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..

Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'

Whine

If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

Complain

Hate any bar he likes

Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required gifts proving his love.

Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.

Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.

Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Break into tears for no apparent reason.

Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.

Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.

Севодня время не до шуток, тоторые вы привыкли видеть в моём дневнике...
Давайте почтим память погибших космонатвом на шатле Коламбия...
Такой день, только што зашел и узнал, так што никаких шуток писать небуду... Невнастоении...

Напишу список "приветствий" если увидите каковато идиота-мусульманина кто празнует...
Рускоговорящему идиоту кто празнует можно просто дать по морде...

Самые часто использованые Арабские ругательства, Фонетически анлискими буквами...

Koos - Cunt
nikomak - Fuck your mother
sharmuta - Whore
zarba - Shit
kis - Vagina
zib - Penis
Elif air ab tizak! - A thousand dicks in your ass!
kisich - Pussy
kelbeh - Bitch
Muti - Jackass
Kanith - Fucker
Kwanii - Faggot

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
Disgust "Fuck me."
Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
Despair "Fucked again..."
Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
Lost "Where the fuck are we."
Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"
Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
Directions "Fuck off."
Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"
It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...
"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy

Some of it is really gross, read at your own risk:) Some, especially lovely ladies of this site might consider skipping this post it altogether.

Abra-Kebabra - A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food
vanishes down the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it
suddenly reappears on the taxi floor.

Aussie Kiss - Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Back End of the Bat Mobile - The state of your Brass Eye soon after you
eat a really hot curry. "I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant
last night, and now I've got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels
like the back end of the Bat Mobile."

Beaver Leaver - or Vagina Decliner. A homosexual.

Beer Coat - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a
booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

Beer Compass - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where
you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

Bone of Contention - A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that
arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his
girlfriend.

Breaking the Seal - Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the
night.

Budgie's Tongue - or Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag. The female
erection.

BVH - Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.

Cider Visor - Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

Cliterature- 1-handed reading material.

Cock-A-Doodle-Poo - The bowel movement that, needing to come out
urgently, wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.

Crappucino - The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when
abroad.

Double Bass - A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from
behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her
Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used
when playing double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly
different.

Etch-A-Sketch - Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling
both of her nipples simultaneously.

Fizzy Gravy - or Rusty Water. Diarrhoea.

Flogging On - Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

Free the Tadpoles - Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

Frigmarole - Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

Fu*kShitFu*kShitFu*kShit - The sound made when driving through too
narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Going For a McShit - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention
of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply
staff member, our declaration to them that you'll buy their food
afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

Greyhound - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hand-to-Gland Combat - A vigorous masturbation session.

Hefty Cleft - or Horse's Collar, or Welly Top. Description of a very
large vagina.

McSplurry - The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a
week in fast food restaurants.

Millennium Domes - The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely
impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all
in there worth seeing.

Monkey Bath - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa! Aa!".

Mystery Bus - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the
unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you
come back in.

Mystery Taxi - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NBR - No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the
pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

Picasso Arse - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she
looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Sperm Wail - or Spuphemism. A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

Starfish Trooper - or Arsetronaut. A homosexual.

10-Pinter- Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10
pints.

2-Bagger - Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to
cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

Titanic - A lady who goes down first time out.

Lets face it guys, каждый из нас думает што мы "народные умельци" в этой области, а на самом деле, we have no idea what's going on "down there" :)

Такой же список только для our lovely ladies был напечатан моём дневнике несколько дней назад :)

1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3. NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5. BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
6. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11. STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18. GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool -she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19. GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20. COMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21. NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23. PERFORMING ORAL SEX Читать далее...

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
32. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
43. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
45. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Hey, you look like that girl I fucked a few days ago...
Aren't you one of the Village People?
Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...

IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.

IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

Depending on where someone is from and where they are driving you can make some assumptions about their driving styles and etiquette...

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.

Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on.

Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet up underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk. neither foot on accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the roads, you're all moving at the same speed either way.

Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26 blocks...also cradling cheap cell phone.

Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right hand holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy hair shoved underneath an oil stained cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.

Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the other. Dick on the steering wheel

New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand holding down sum hookers head while she's giving head!

Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.

California: (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one hand at on-board navigation/Internet console installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having a executive meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off, and feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past hour.

Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4x4, Charlie Daniels blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves blowing out of bed while going down the highway.

Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up ass, chunks of rust falling off by the pound.

Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso in one hand and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are for them.

Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up ass.

Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and beside you, stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any forward progress.

Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see over dash, driving too fast or too slow, car sounds like a bee as it goes by.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
I like every bone in your body especially mine.
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?
Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?
Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.
Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.
Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up.
If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!
I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
If you were a car door I would slam you all night long
Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.
How about you sit on my lap and we'll straighten things out
Baby, I'd run a mile for your vertical smile. Nice shirt.... wanna fuck?
If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
Can I have fries with that shake!
I've got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U.
You're so sweet you're giving me a toothache.
Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?
If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
Hi, I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?
Pardon my is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you know CPR because you take my breath away.
Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope.
My face is leaving in 15 minutes...be on it!
I'd look good on you.
When does your centerfold come out.
So do ya wanna see something really swell?
I've seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?
I've got the hot dog and you got the buns.
Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get.
Are we near the airport or is that just my heart taking off?
I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock.
You have nice legs. What time do they open?
Do you like Subway? How about my foot long?
Hey that dress looks nice. Can I talk you out of it.
Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd just love to tap that ass!
Are those pants from outer space? Cause that ass is out of this world.
You're like a championship bass, I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because your the bomb!
Are you a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you.

Have you ever noticed that famous Democrats like Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, and Jessie Jackson seem to lie all the time? Well they're not really lying! You just need to learn to speak Democrat. That's why RWN created this handy, dandy, translation guide so you can understand what Democrats actually mean.

Our opponents refuse to compromise on this issue: The Republicans refuse to do everything we want.

That charge is outrageous: That charge is true but you shouldn't have brought it up in public.

We're united behind president Bush in this time of crisis for our country:
We're going to cut president Bush off at the knees every chance we get.

Honey I need a little quiet time right now: I got drunk and drove a car containing a campaign worker I was boffing off a bridge. She's dead, the car is at the bottom of a tidal pool, and I have influential relatives to call and people to bribe before I call the cops so can you cut me a little slack?

Every vote must be counted in this election: Except for the military vote because they tend to go Republican.

The era of big government is over: But the era of Godzilla sized government is just beginning if I can help it.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman: We had sex on every piece of furniture in the White House.

I think we need to take a closer look at what's going on in this industry: I think we need to strangle this industry with red tape and new regulations until it's so screwed up that we have to take over.

We must address the root causes of this problem: We must not do anything to effectively address this problem. Instead we must raise taxes and pour dump trucks worth of money into whatever unrelated issue we have decided is the cause of the problem.

No justice, no peace: Give us money and we'll find someone else to bother.

He's in the pocket of big oil: He was once seen filling up the tank of his car with gas.

I didn't inhale: I was so stoned that I thought I could fly.

I have no information about where my former intern is: That's technically true. I told the guys I hired to kill her that I didn't want to know any details.

Так как фотографии нельзя вставлять в коментарии, приходится писать новое сообщение...
Короче, севодня обраружил на огнетушителе, подробности в сообшенни ниже :)

Сижу на работе, не bisy, думаю чем занятся.
Тут мой вгляд упал на огнетушитель, который уже второй год висит на стенке, возле двери в моем оффисе/лаборатории.. Обычный огнетушитель, красный, с разними наклеиками, висит на стене на крючке... Незнаю чево меня в етот момент потянуло снять ево со стены (наверно от нечево делать, со скуки), но то што я обнаружил здорово подняло моё настроение :)

На огнетушителе сверху большая зеленая и белая наклеика на которой написано "Compressed air" и "Non-Flamмable", для незнающих Англиский "Сжатый воздух" и "Невоспламеняюшее"...
И ето написано на огнетушителе... :) Заводская наклеика, не шутка...

Может я от жизни отстал, но как сжатим воздухом можно потушить пожар непредставляю...
А уж невоспламеняющиися огнетушитель - ето вообше шидевр...
Кто только додумался.... :) Надеюсь запатентовал ето "Изобретение" :)
Хотябы теперь знаю што при пожаре, хоть сам огнетушитель незагорится :) А другими огнетушители, што можно печку топить, если холодно станет? ? Непонимаю я етово

Идиотство какоето...

Как все знают вчера было State of the Union adress Президента Буша. Хорошо выступил, молодец мужик, знает што говорит, знает как сказать, как убедить в своем правоте...

С кем нипоговорю, у каждово своё мнение на ету тему, противовоенние демонстранты подняли головы есче выше... А несут то они полную ерунду, на мой взгяд, закрывая глаза на факты.

Говорят дайте больше времени инспекторам, авось те штото найдут...
Пара малоизвестных фактов: Ирак неединственная страна которую проверяли такиеже международные инспекторы (а некорые из них теже лично люди)за последние 10 лет. С 1992 года, таких стран было четыре. Мало кто из вас назовет какуюто из етих стран кроме Ирака и может бить Украины??? Есче в етот список включается Южная африканская республика и Казакстан... А в новостях небыто етих стран потому што ети страны полностью сотрудничали с инспекторами. Инспекторы пришли, зделали свою работу, поставили "галочки" и ушли... Мир, Дружба, все довольны... Так было в Южной Африке, Украине и Казакстане.
А в ираке противники войны кричат штобы дали инспекторам больше времени, авось штото найдум.
Инспекторы не сыщики, и по резолюции ООН, после которой они приступили к работе в Ираке, их работа должна была состоять в том штобы неискать што спрятана, а Ирак должен был предоставить полный список куда што делось, а инспекторы проверить и подтвердить што ето так (или нетак). Так же ето и происходило в Украине, Южной африке и Казакстане... Мол куда делось почти 28000 ракет способних нести химические или биологические боеголовки, куда делось до 28 тон Антраха (Сибирской язвы) или до 38 тысяч тон Сирена, Горчичново газа или Сиэс, 2 подвижные биологические лаборатории и Уран, который поставляла франция в восмидесятих годах.
А што ООН получило? Не репорт, а книгу сказок шихерезады :) То што инспекторы случаино наткнулись на 12 пустых ракет, несколько днеи назад??? Ето што серьезно рассматривать?

А страны што Ирак защищают?

Франция, которая в обмен на технологию своево lightwater атомново реактора, получает нефть от ирака по ценам на треть ниже чем мировые (между прочим Ирак поставлял/ет больше 60% всех потребностей франции в нефти)?

Россия, которая больше всево боится понижения мировых цен на нефть, так как ето один из основних доходов российсково бюджета?

Китай, который хочет воину, но не сеичас, а чуть позже... Когда Китаю будет удобно...Штобы возможно подготовится под шумок атакавать Тайвань., в момент когда Америка будет занята Ираком, Афганистаном, Северной кореей?

Всё ето несерьезно...

а те кто кричать што хотят доказательства увидеть???
как показать секретные доказательства???

Если ирак вичислит што они пошли от Иракцев кто сотрудничает с Западом, то етих Иракцев ждет верная смерть....

Если ето фотографии со спутника, то Ирак увидит то што видим мы, и ето только научит их лучше прятать то што они прячут.

Если запись разговора, то они узнают што мы прослушиваем и больше мы ничево неуслышим тама...

Садама надо убрать...
Да чесно говоря после вчера, я недумаю што война будет...
Саддам всю свою жизнь убивал других, но сам на самоубийцу непохож... Думаю што в последний момент он маргнёт и уйдет в отставку, в позоре спасая свою шкуру...
Хочу надеятся што я прав...

Отзывы о моей новой картинке :)

Пока три :) , Но есче собираю

"Суслик и стингер"
"Суслик с базукои"
"Харек с членом"

Без коментариев
Причем последнии сказала девушка...
Ну чем я так обидел человека :) Откуда столько злости в лудях

Етот линк использую с разрешения "Корбен Даллас"
Такое просто надо показивать лудям...
Ето видеозапись виступления Жириновсково в Ираке...
Посмотрите, непожалеете...
(Предупреждаю, много мата) :)

http://www.newsru.com/russia/28Jan2003/perl.html

На значок кинокамеры нажмите справа под названием статьи... Не пожалеете!