Помещу сюда эссе, которое писала в колледже. надо было выделить и сравнить особенности дружбы женской и мужской. писалось оно больше чем пол-года назад и прототипом одного из персонажей я взяла как раз девушку, отношения с которой я описываю в рассказе 2. тогда еще персонаж этот был положительным. а имя уже тогда я ей придумала - Ольга, только сейчас вспомнила, перечитав эссе! так что ломать голову больше не нужно - Ольга так Ольга..


WRT-101
6 March 2005
The Tapestry of Friendships.
Christmas holydays were coming. I wanted to visit my cousin Mila and her family before Christmas Night because my husband and I were going abroad to spend that beautiful time along with my parents. Mila lived forty minutes away from my place. I took the car and left our house earlier to have time to buy gifts for her children. I came to the mall and bought all I wanted. It was cold, but nice outside. When I went back to the car, I looked around. Queen Winter wasn’t saving white paint to make everything clean and bright and ready to celebrate. “She is in a very good mood,” I smiled to myself; so was I. But my mood fled right away as soon as I got into the car and turned the ignition key. “No, not now,” I said, trying to start my car over and over. My husband couldn’t help me; he was far away from the place where I got stuck. It was getting late. I was sad thinking that till help would come to me, it would be too late, and Mila’s children would go to sleep, dinner would be cold, and the evening, which started so good, would finish so badly. Then, suddenly, I remembered that my coworker Olga lived just five minutes away from that mall. I was thinking before giving her call. We were not so close; it was late afternoon, and I knew she was tired after work that day. But I decided to try. In ten minutes I was sitting in her car and I came to cousin’s house right at dinner time. When Mila asked who brought me, I sad: “It was Olga, my ….” I didn’t know how to finish my answer.
After reading “The Tapestry of Friendships” by Ellen Goodman, I remembered that winter night which I described in the beginning of my story. Who was Olga to me? She was a person with whom I spent a lot of my time. We worked together and almost every day had lunch with each other. We took night classes at a college and went there after work in one car. I taught her daughter music; she taught my son art. She was there at the mall when I needed her help. But even after that, we didn’t become friends. We were everything: coworkers, classmates, buddies, colleagues in art, but not friends. Not yet at that time. We became them when one day we shared our deepest dreams with each other. It was like a sign of closeness. Is there any difference between men’s and women’s friendship? I think so. Women really have to talk to become friends, men have to act. If Olga and I were men, I think we would become friends right after what happened with me at the mall. For men it would be the best proof of friendship to come and help when somebody needs it. I liked very much the Ellen Goodman’s words about that considerable difference between men’s and women’s type of friendship: “A man once told her that men weren’t real buddies until they’d been “through the wars together”- corporate or athletic or military. They had to soldier together, he said. Women, on the other hand, didn’t count themselves as friends until they’d shared three loathsome confidences” (par. 10, page 239).
I think this is the women’s nature to get close to each other. Men are much less intimate. They can work together through the years, but sometimes they don’t even know if another one is married. Ring? They are too busy talking about football or politics to pay attention to such a small thing. But this is the thing which women would mention in a first look meeting somebody. When men ask: “How are you?” it means: “How do you do?” The same question for women would mean: “How do you feel?”
Men meet each other when they want to do something together. Women friends just go to see each other whenever they have time. What is so important for men in being a team? It’s exactly being cool in front of the teammates. My first husband was a great (as he thought about himself) pool player. He had a partner with whom they played like a team. As soon as one of them called the other to play a game, it was about their honor to be there. And it didn’t matter if we had some family plans for that time. It was an unwritten rule. “Please, let me go,” he asked me, almost crying; “My friends wouldn’t understand if I’m not there. I’ll do anything for you. Just don’t be angry.” Women can also cancel the family plans, but if it would be about the friend’s feelings. If only my friend calls me and says, for example, that she feels lonely and depressed, I would come to her right away and stay as long as she needs me just to talk and make her feel better. And now it’s my turn to ask my husband: “Please, let me go. She would do for me the same if I need to.”
“Men often keep their buddies in the categories, while women keep special category for friends” (par. 9, page 239). Ellen Goodman in one sentence gave us a perfect picture of difference between men’s and women’s friends. For example, my husband has a lot of friends. But some of them are for playing soccer. They meet each other once a week to practice. Another group is for having fun. We meet when it is somebody’s birthday, or we want to go to restaurants or nightclubs. One more group of friends is for having pleasant and relaxing time. We go camping together, or we can visit each other just to have dinner or play guitar and sing. All of them are my husband’s friends. He calls somebody depending on what mood he is in. A woman usually has one best friend with whom she used to go everywhere and to discuss everything around. Wherever she is going to go and whatever she is going to do, she doesn’t have to think whom to call.
With time, when we’re getting older and wiser, I think men’s friendship becomes more like women’s. Most buddies are getting apart further and further. Life is changing; we are choosing our priorities and interests. And in invisible way finally we have just a few close friends whom we can trust with everything, and they are there with us in good and bad.