"EXCUSE ME...Do I look like a people person?"
ПРОСТИТЕ... неужели я похож на любимца публики?

"I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
Я не напряжен, просто очень, очень внимателен.

Look in my eyes...closely...Do you see one ounce of give a shit?

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. 6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. 7. Do I look like a frigging people person? 8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time. 12. You! Off my planet !! 13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. 14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control. 15. I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes. 16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. 17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat. 18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness. 20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it. 22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 23. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. 24. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil. 25. Allow me to introduce my selves. 26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 27. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." 28. Better living through denial. 29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. 31. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. 33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. 34. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 38. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? 39. Back off! You're standing in my aura. 40. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. 41. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! 42. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me. 43. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? 44. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? 45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 46. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me. 47. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. 48. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 49. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? 50. Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-Screw You! 51. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong. 52. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 53. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 54. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 55. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress." 56. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 57. Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you. 58. A woman's favorite position is CEO. 59. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. 60. You look like shit. Is that the style now? 61. This is a mean and damned cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now! 62. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. 63. Earth is full. Go home. 64. Is it time for your medication or mine? 65. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? 66. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me? 67. I plead contemporary insanity. 68. And which dwarf are you? 69. I refuse to star in your psychodrama. 70. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. 71. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 72. It ain't the size, it's... no, I'm sorry, it really is the size. 73. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. 74. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? 1. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce. 2. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 3. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. 4. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. 5. My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. 6. All things being equal, you lose. 7. If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. 8. I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. 9. Smile... Tomorrow will be worse. 10. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. 11. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. 12. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 13. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 14. Thank you for not annoying me more than you do. 15. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. 16. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 17. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. 18. If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. 19. A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. 20. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 21. I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain. 22. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 23. Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do. 24. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others. 25. I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. 26. I'd like to help you out; which way did you come in? 27. How can I miss you if you won't go away? 28. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it. 29. From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it. 30. I don't care who you are, what you drive, or where you'd rather be. 31. I'm not cynical. I'm just experienced. 32. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. 33. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. 34. Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon. 35. It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail in the process. 36. You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me. 37. Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution. 38. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 39. Well this day was a total waste of make-up. 40. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. 41. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 42. I'm not your type; I'm not inflatable. 43. Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine. 44. Don't worry. I forgot your name too. 45. Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? 46. You look like shit. Is that in style now? 47. Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 48. I don't have an attitude problem, it's supposed to be this way. 49. It's not that I'm antisocial, I'm just not friendly. 50. Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting. 51. I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist? 52. I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation. 53. I don't care where you go, as long as you get lost. 54. It is just you. 55. I heard you, and so what if the world's ending at noon today, I can't chat with 56. you until tomorrow. I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle. 57. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. 58. You laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same. 59. If I throw a stick, will you go away? 60. I didn't know regurgitated spam could talk. 61. If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose." 62. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport. 63. A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I'm glad they didn't waste one on you. 64. Next time you get the urge to think...don't. 65. I'm not antisocial. I just don't like people. 66. Would you kindly shut your noise hole. 67. You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the same species. 68. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot. 69. It's not that I wish any harm to the guy, I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off.
70. It's people like you who make the Internet all but impossible to trust.
71. Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
72. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
73. Well, I was nearly killed three times, fell off a bridge and broke my jaw. How was your day?
74. On your way down the banister of life, may your ass collect tons of splinters.
75. Are you renting the space in your head? It could be profitable.
76. I'm sorry.. Am I poking holes in your self-esteem bucket?
77. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
78. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
79. I wonder what life would have been like if you had had enough oxygen at birth.
80. Whatever it is that's eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
75. Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!