you make sence..... you make perfect sence to me 8)
and don`t you dare even thinking that you can be worthless!!!! think about all the stuff you realized, all the stuff you`ve seen, all the stuff you`ve felt, all the stuff you`ve experienced, all the people you`ve met, all the places you`ve seen!!!!!!!!!! most of the people live all their lives without even imagining them doing all that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are the future leader for god sakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just waisting my time here....cause nobody cares about me much....I want to have some fun!!!I so so bad wish I could drive a car...I am so bored a lot and its not what america is suppose to be about...by the way do you remember this feeling when they called you and told you that you won the competition????wasn t it unbelievable???

well, first of all, they didn`t call.... at least i didn`t talk to them... I had a very boring and long day and i came home exhausted, lied down on a couch, turden on MTV (i lived in my unkle`s and aunt`s appartment), my grandma was upstairs, when she came down she asked me how i felt, i said i was tired, she said "well, congratulations, you`ve gotta be happy there are so many changes coming up", i said " i guess... but there`s nothing to congratulate with..." and she said "America, new life and stuff" and I said "i don`t even know if i`m in yet..." and she said "oh, you don`t?" and i said "nope, they are supposed to contact me, and they didn`t" and then she said "oh, they called and said you`re in... yeah... i think this morning, but you weren`t here, Tanya talked to them... you`re in" and i just said "hm.. cool..."
and that was it..... no beating heart, no jumping up and down... no yelling and screaming.... not even shiny eyes.... nothing... it`s just that i didn`t really knew what to expect from US, and there was an opportunity for it to long and boring (the way it is) and it could have been the best year in my entire life..... but if you set your mind on the second one, it`s healle hard to falll and realize the sad reality, and you have your crushed expectations, and you get homesick and depressed..... i prefer expecting the bad stuff and hoping for the good one.... and still i`m upset about the way it all turned out.... i didn`t came hear to sit the whole year in one dusty room and and stare at the celling for 5 hours a day, or do my homework the entire weekend... i didn`t come here to read US history..... I could do all that back in Ukraine...... the thing is that they don`t care... nobody gives a fuck about me or my life... in`m in and i`m out, like a movie... first they are interested, they go, buy a ticket, walk in, sit, all thinking about the movie and trying to guess what`s it gonna be like, then it starts, they pay attention to every single detail, then they get the idea what`s it like and they just sit back and do nothing, just follow the actors with the eyes, and finaly, when the movie is over, they say "wow, that was awesome" or "g, that thing sucked" and they might say that they`d buy this movie and will remember it, but we all know that it`s out of their mind now.... they`ve seen it, they know how it goes and how it ends.... it`s not interesting for them anymore.... then they`d spend several days thinking about it, and then it`s tatally gone..... well, maybe when they hear people talking about it, or they`d see a commercial for it, or they`d see their ticket from the movie theatre - hten they might remember it.... but normally it would be gone, out of their lives, it would be just a memory.... that they would no longer care for.....
or i propable should have said not the movie theatre, but ate movie on TV.... cause when they got the main idea of the movie, they start chaning chanels, pay attention to something else.... and when they turn to it`s chanel again they`d be like "oh, hi, how are you doing, you`r still here.... so what`s going on with you?" and right after the answer they`d switch back to news, or Oprah, or weather chanel, or crafts chanel.......
and after they catch the ending, they say "well, that was a nice movie" and again it`s gome out of their lives.......
that`s the way it works..... at least with me..... i`m sure there are kids that would fell like their were born for the life they are having here, and the hosts would buy a DVD with their movie and watch it over and over and over again...... but no, i`m not a good moviemaker... i`m the type of movie that needs your attention and if you don`t pay it, my movie would not make you, it would just go on, saying "too bad"... gettin up, getting on, and getting over..... my movie will go on, with or without people who would be interested in it, it`s my movie and it`s beautiful... my world is beautiful, it`s just that i don`t allow anybody to stay in it for a long time.... and they dont like it, cause they can`t do anything with it.... if i think they`re not worth it, i won`t let them in.... that`s the way it works with me...
all right, i`m off topic again....
second of all, you are not the only one who`s life is extremely boring and who thinks they don`t fit in.. and crap like that.... the thing is that it all depends on how you think about it..... it`s not you who doesn`t fit in in a life in the woods, with no car and depending on too many people - it`s them! they don`t fit you! they don`t fit in your life.... yes, they would leave a makr, but they would not fit in...... and yes, it is a whole year of your life, but how do you prefer thinking about it:
-oh, i`ve wasted a year of my life, i was never as bored before as i was there, i would lose acoount of days, because they were all the same, i would try to live online, because i would not have an opportunity to get out of the house and do something, i would hate the very idea of US and would not suggest other people going there
or
- i have had a great time, i have seen places i wouldn`t have an opportunity to see, i have met awesome people, i have compared my life to the life i could have had, and you know what - i realized that i love my life just the way it is.... i am glad i went there, because i`ve learned so much about myself, my life, people around me, importance of my freedom and me friends, importance of the famile, of people who belive in me and support me..... you should try it - it`s undescibable, it is unbelievably unique for everybody, you can not know how it`s gonna turn out for you, you should expect it to be the change of your entire life....
sure i`ve exaggerated it a bit, but still - I prefer the second one.....

me 2...............the second one......................were the dreams may come.....this is my movie...u r mature...........ohhhhhhhhh.....how do they say.???...how sweeeeet, how smaaart.....;) Babe we can handle it!!!!

you write a lot by the way.......its good though....to bad I can t express myself like u do...

yeah babe!!! that`s what i`m talking about!!! nobody messes with us!!! and, honey, you express yourself just fine!!!! whatever you do is already awesome - because U did it!!! however you express yourself, however and whenever you allow people to see "your movie" is only for you to decide!!!! you are the one who makes the world go round!! don`t be too hard on yourself!!!! u r the best the way you r!!!!!