You grind Your coffee beans in Your mouth.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time You're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of Yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take Your pulse.
You're so jittery that people use Your hands to blend their margaritas.
You don't sweat, You percolate.
You run twenty miles on Your treadmill before You realize it's not plugged in.
People get dizzy just watching You.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You have a picture of Your coffee mug on Your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You help Your dog chase its tail.
You get a speeding ticket even when You're parked.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.