life kind of turned around. i dont know what i am anymore. last time i felt like this was four years and three weeks ago. same feeling of something forbiddeen, but very, oh so very nice. a sort of thing you shouldn't like, or even think about. it's so wrong..... BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD! i am thoroughly confused now. feelings of love and lust rolled into one, multiplied by a hundred, and totally detached from anything conventional, ordinary, or human. so, i'm a bloobsucker. a vampire? not sure.... a rather violent one too apparently. i will have to be more careful in the future, i dont my donors dead....

dreams and reality have rolled into one, its hard to tell where one finishes and the other one starts. i am expecting reality to hit me hard on the head at any moment, and then ill be sad and sorry again. Now, i feel GOOD. not happy, but good. with a few amazing moments of partial consciousness, laced with the taste of blood, the feeling of torn traumatised flesh on the tongue..... so, im fuck up...... yeah.....