В который раз наслаждаюсь своим одним из любимых сериалов, "Клиника" (англ. "Scrubs").
Решил выложить, просто так, тексты песен из серии s06e06. Там рассказывается об одной женщине, у которой проблемы с мозгом, и поэтому ей кажется, что все вокруг нее поют под музыку. Очень интересная серия - всем советую. Кстати, она даже была номинирована на премию Эмми в четырех номинациях. Обычных слов, в прозе, там не очень много, поэтому я пишу дальше только слова в стихах. Итак, тексты песен на английском. :-)

*

- How many fingers do you see?
- Call 911 emergency.
- Why are you singin'?
Wait!
Why am I singin'?
- Is there someone here with you?
- Someone that we could talk to?
- Are you OK? Are you alright?


- Hello, I'm doctor Kelso.
I'm delighted that you came.
So the doctors say you fainted
And you don't know what's to blame.
Well, put your mind at ease.
There's no ill we hadn't outsmarted.
On behalf of all who work here,
Welcome to Sacred Heart!
- Our facilities are excellent,
You couldn't ask for more.
- As long as you avoid the bathrooms
On the second floor.
- This's dr. Cox,
I'll be givin' him your chart.
- And this's dr. Kelso,
The kisass of Sacred Heart!
- You say you burned
Your hand real bad -
We'll fix you up gauze.
- Perhaps you need your fat sucked out
Or one smallish nose.
- Hey!
- If you caught a STD
From some tasty little tart
- We swear we won't judge you
Here at Sacred,
Here at Sacred,
Here at Sacred Heart!
- One more thing that I should mention
If what I heard is true.
And everyone appears
To be singin' to you.
- A-a!
- A-a!
- A-a!
- A-a!
- Your case is very serious,
And we'll better start,
- 'cause if you think we're singin',
You belong to Sacred Heart!
- Doctors!
- Nurses!
- Patients!
- Dead guys!
- Welcome to Sacred Heart!


- Hey, mrs. Miller.
We just need a stool sample.
- Why do you need a stool sample
If you think I'm just a nut?
- 'cause the answer isn't
In your head, my dear.
- It's in your butt.
- You see?..
Everything comes down to poo.
From the top of your head
To the sole of your shoe.
We can figure out
What's wrong with you by
Lookin' at your poo!
Turk!
- Ddya have a hemmorhoid
Or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down,
You flush away the answer!
- It doesn't really matter
If it's hard of it's loose;
We'll figure out
What's ailin' you
As long as it's a deuce.
Yes!
- Everything comes down to poo:
Cardiovascular, lymphatic,
Yes, the nervous system too!
All across the nation,
We trust the defecation,
Everything comes down to poo!
- If you want to know what's wrong,
Don't sit and act so cool.
Just be a man a eat some bran,
And drop the kids at in the pool.
- My stomach hurts!
- Check the poo.
- I sprained my ankle!
- Check the poo.
- I was shot!
- Check the poo.
- A homeless guy just pooed in my eye!
- Check the poo.
- Mine or his?
- First him then you!
- It may sound gross,
You may say 'Shuh!',
But we need to see what
Comes out of your tush!
Because...
Everything comes down to poo,
Wherether it is a tumor
Or a touch of the flu.
Plz, won't you pinch
Us all a big fat clue.
- Our number one test
Is your number two.
- Is there's no breeze,
Light a match please,
Everything comes down to...
- Doo doo, doo doo!
- Everything comes down to...
Poo!


- So, Carla...
When will you be back?
- Not for a year.
- A year?!!
- Not for one long, long year...
- We understand you love that kid,
But this ain't no way to treat us.
- And I hestitate to say you did
What Judas done to Jesus.
- When you leave us all,
We'll be upset.
- Look out. That floor is very wet.
- We're gonna miss you, Carla,
We're gonna miss you 'round here.
We're gonna miss you, Carla,
We're sayin' this through a lot of tears.
How will everybody get along without you
For a long, long year?
- Who'll tell me that
My new toupee looks sweet?
- Who'll treat my gay son's rash
And be discreet?
- Who'll give me better ways
To say 'main meat'?
- Pincho chiquito (tiny penis).
- Thanks. I'm usin' that.
- Mmm...
We're gonna miss you 'round here.
We're gonna miss you, Carla,
We're sayin' this through a lot of tears.
How will everybody get along without you
For a long, long year?
- My baby made the choice
To be at home and not to work.
So let us all rejoice
'cause she'll the brand new mama Turk.
- He's right of course.
And yet my heart in spite of this
Feels torn apart.
- We're gonna miss you, Carla,
We're gonna miss you 'round here.
- I need a tissue, Carla!
- We're sayin' this through a lot of tears.
How we ever gonna get
Along without you?
How we ever gonna get
Along without you?
How we ever gonna get
Along without you?
- Lunch!!
- It's gonna be a long, long year...


- Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy.
- Am I still singin'?
- Singin' like a bird...
- Dr. Cox, huge news!
I pulled some strings
And got the parking spot right behind yours...
Bumper buddies!
- Still, you're not nearly as bad as her.
Ddya know how much you annoy me?
The answer's a lot.
Should I list the reasons why?
Well. I don't see why not.
It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face,
You always need a hug,
Not the mention all the manly
Appletinis that you chug.
That you think I'm your mentor
Just continues to perplex.
And, oh my god, stop tellin' me
When you have nerdy sex!
- By the way, last time
Kim was in town,
We got some appletinis and poured them
On her good parts.
- See now, Nembie? That's the thing
You do that drives me up a tree,
'cause no matter how a rant at you,
You never let me be.
So I'm stuck with all your daydreamin',
You wish to be my son;
It makes me suicidal
And I'm not the only one,
No, I'm not the only one.
- It all started
With a penny in the door.
There was a hatred
I had never felt before,
So now I make him pay
Each and every day...
Untill that moused hair
Little nuance is no more.
- So now that's why I call you names
Like Carol, Jane and Sue.
Like Moesha, Kim and Lilly,
And Suzanne and Betty Lou.
Regardless of the names
I pick my feelings are quite clear;
You're pain in every day
Of every month of every year.
- Dr. Cox, you gotta help me
'cause I really am distressed.
Can't you find another option,
Won't you run another test?
- If you want some kind of favor,
Really any kind of favor,
Plz just get me peace and quiet
From this godforsaken pest!
- I think that my bamper buddy
Is tryin' to say...
- Shut your cakehole, Marybeth!
Or I swear to god
I'll shut it soon...
- Congratulations, we'll schedule
Your test this afrernoon!


- I could tell a bunch of lies.
- I could buy him his own place.
- I could bring the baby here with me.
- Or tell him there's no space.


- I'm sure you must be scared
Not knowin' what test will bring;
It could prove that you're crazy.
Do you still hear people sing?
It's best to know the truth
Of that I have no doubt.
But you'll have to face the future...
When the truth comes out.
- We're runnin' a test,
It's a waste of our time.
But at least she'll accept
She's medically fine.
She'll admit that she's nuts
Or I'll have to say 'Snore'.
Just give her a Cat-scan
And show her the door.
- While we process your results,
We'll take you back to wait.
- We've got drugs to calm you down,
So you don't stress about your fate.
- It's the best to know the truth,
Or that we have no doubt.
- But you'll have to face the future...
- Face the future...
- When the truth comes out.
- You're gonna miss it, Carla,
You're gonna miss it 'round here.
Gonna hurt him badly,
But you can't stay away for one whole year.
- I know that I'm not crazy.
- Everything comes down to poo.
- I think that I'm not crazy.
- When we move I'm gonna have
My own private loo.
- How am I supposed to tell him
That's he's not movin' too?
- Oh my god!
- He doesn't have a clue.
- I'm crazy!!
- If you like to reconsider,
I'd be glad to do my part,
If you want, your job is open,
Come on back to Sacred Heart!
(...)
- Sometimes you're better off not knowin',
But this isn't one of those things.
Your words're become to musical,
And your doctors speak in rhymes.
It's best to know the truth,
Or that we have no doubt.
But you'll have to face the future...
- How can I tell him?
- How can I tell him?
- How can I tell her?
You'll have to face the future
When the truth comes out.
- So dr. Cox, is it serious?
Oh...
- A-a-a-a...
When the truth comes out!


- Let's face the facts
'bout me and you -
A love inspecified.
Though I'm proud
To call you 'Chocolate bear',
The crowd will always
Talk and stare.
- I fell exactly
Those feelings too.
And that's why
I keep'em inside.
'cause this 'bear' can't bear
The world's disdain,
And sometimes it's easier to hide!
- Than explain our guy love,
That's all it is;
Guy love -
He's mine, I'm his.
There's nothing gay about it
In our eyes.
- U ask me 'bout this thing we share,
- And he tenderly replies...
- It's guy love!
- Between two guys.
- We're closer than
The average man and wife,
- That's why our matchin' bracelets
Say 'Turk & JD',
- You know I'll stick by you
For the rest of my life.
- You're the only man
Who's ever been inside of me!..
- Wo, wo, I just took out his appendix.
- There's no need to clarify!
- Oh no?
- Just let it grow more
And more each day.
It's like I married
My best friend.
- But in totally manly way!
- Let's go!
It's guy love, don't compromise,
The feelings of some other guy;
Holdin' up your heart
Into the sky...
- I'll be there to care
Through all the lows.
- I'll be there to share
The highs...
- It's guy love
Between two guys...
- And wnen I say
'I love you, Turk',
It's not what
It implies...
It's guy love
Between...
Two-o...
Guys...
- No hands.


- I've had it up to here,
So let me make it very clear,
Because I swear I'll never
Hook you in again.
Everytime that you profess...
I come from Puerto Rico.
- Yes?..
- For the last time, Turk,
I'm Dominican!
- Don't make a big to-do,
I was simply testin' you.
- Then why'd you tell JD
Our baby is 'Blaxican'?
- Baby, you know,
I know the truth.
- Well, I need
A little proof, so
List all you know about me
Or no sex again!
- Hm.. let's see...
Your name's Carla.
- Oh yes.
- You're Latina.
- Impressive.
- You're a nurse,
Your mother's dead and
Wait!
I got it!
3 sisters!
- Turk!
- 2 sisters?
But I'm sure you have a brother
Who's a huge jerkoff!
- Tell me what's my middle name!
- OK, I'm tired of this game,
Let's forget it,
I give up,
I guess u win again.
But it's not just me who gets mixed up
By all this crazy ethic stuff.
- Sorry. Even I know.
She's Dominican.
Booya!
- Did I grow up in Illinious
Or was it Michigan?
How long before we met
Was I in medicine?
Was our wedding song
The Beatles or Led Zeppelin?
Am I freakin' Puerto Rican
Or Dominican?
- The thing is guys remember facts
Like what Derek Jeter hit
Last year which was 303.
And that's why
Our brains're maxed,
And there's no room for things
Like birthdays and ethnicities.
- Well, thank u for that glimpse
Into the workings of the inner man.
- Let's talk 'bout your job
And not the fact that you're...
- Dominican!
- You're not stayin' home for work...
- Will it make u happy, Turk?
- I'll support you if you
Choose to earn the Benjamins!
- Then I'll return to work today.
Now you showed that that's OK.
- I say 'Si' which is 'Yes' in dominican!
And Puerto Rican.
- Turk!
- But you're Dominican!


- We'll be...
Friends forever!
We're gonna be
Friends forever!
We will always
Be tru-u-ue!
Friends forever!
We're gonna be
Freinds forever!
I'll be always
There for you!
- We're always close as
The vena cava
And the aorta!
- We're best friends like
- Amoxalin and clavulanic acid!
- The tibia and the fibula!
The left and right ventricule!
- A hypodermic needle
And a latex tourniquiet!
- Divirticulutis
And a barium enema!
- The vena cava
And the aorta!
- Amoxalin and clavulanic acid!
- The tibia, the fibula!
- The left and right ventricule!
- A hypodermic needle
And a latex tourniquiet!
- The vena cava
And the aorta!
- We'll be friends...
- Amoxalin and clavulanic acid!
- Forever...
- The tibia, the fibula!
- The left and right ventricule!
- A hypodermic needle and a...


- What's goin' to happen?
What does the future hold?
So many things that I put off...
Assumin' I have time...
Assumin' I'd grow old...
What's goin' to happen?
And will I be alive tomorrow?
What's goin' to happen
To me?..
- You're goin' to be OK.
- That's what's goin' to happen.
- Everything's OK.
We're right here beside you.
We won't let you slip away...
Plan for tomorrow...
'cause we swear to you...
You're goin' to be OK.
- I'm goin' to be OK.
- That's what's goin' to happen.
- Everything's OK.
- Everything's OK.
- We will never leave you.
Right here we will stay.
Plan for tomorrow.
Plan for tomorrow.
'cause we swear to you...
You're goin' to be OK...
- We ho...
- Tsss...