You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
You answer a question with "Because I said so!"
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You know what the word equity means.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
Oh yes, it's that time to buy the "Corvette Convertible" and so much wrinkle cream that you start eating it