If you're looking for a new house, here are some helpful translations of descriptions in Real Estate ads:

Sophisticated city living - Next to a noisy bar.
Old World Charm - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
Contemporary feeling - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
Close to Lakes - Impossible to park from April to October.
Wide open floor plan - Previous owner removed supporting walls.
Security System - Neighbor has a dog.
Need TLC - Major structural damage.
Updated kitchen - Sink no longer overflows.
Motivated seller - Has been on the market for 14 years.
Convenient - Located on freeway entrance ramp.
Mint - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
Neutral decor - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
Move in condition - Front door missing.
Cozy - No room larger than 9' x 6'.
Lower level family room - Ping Pong table over sewer opening.