IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 20 LIST
1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
12. Garbage would take itself out.
13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
20. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
21. Bathrooms would have TV's, recliners and remote controls.
22. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.
23. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
And prizes to the viewers who:
 Convinces the crooks to go through a crowded indoor shopping mall;
 Convinces the cops to continue pursuit into the mall;
 Gets either the cops, the crooks, or both to get airborne;
 Convinces the crooks to give their address as 1060 West Addison, Chicago, Illinois;
 Gets the cops and the crooks to head-on each other.
24. The Lifetime Channel would feature movies about good-natured guys being tortured by nagging wives, whining girlfriends and evil mothers-in-law - who all get their due at the end after which the good-natured guy cracks open a beer and flips on the football game as the credits roll.
26. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).
27. The TV remote control would mute your girlfriend.