Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an electricians truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a nonsmoking area: "If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On maternity room door: "Push, Push, Push."

At an optometrists office: "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Butchers window: "Let me meat your needs."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"

At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.