[показать]I'm so sick of living from paycheck to paycheck! Just a few days ago, I paid all my credit card and college bills and thought that I'd be able to relax and save some money until the next payment dates; unfortunately, it wasn't meant to happen. No later than I deposited my paycheck for this week, I found out that the freaking bank charged me 70 bucks for two overdrafts. The first was clearly my fault -- I keep forgetting that, every time I buy gas, it takes a few days for the transaction to come through.

So, yesterday when I went to do some grocery shopping and instead of paying cash used my debit card, I had an overdraft of $1.57, for which I was charged a fee of $35. The second $35 charge, however, totally pisses me off -- I have this automatic transfers of $5 a month from checking to savings account, which I was advised to set up by my banker. Of course, they absolutely had to transfer this money when the balance on my account was already negative. What kind of system is that? Supposedly, it should help people to save, so what idiot came up with an idea of making a transfer when the balance is already negative?! Thanks, dear Chase, for saving me -35 dollars. REMINDER: Cancel the damned service!

The whole thing wouldn't have been such a big deal some other time, but today it became the last drop. For no particular reason, I've been feeling a little blue for the past week, so loosing these 70 bucks, especially when I'm trying so hard not to spend money on clothes and other unnecessary things, was a hard blow...mostly because I have nobody but myself to blame. It went like a snowball after that: I started to think about how tired I am from being where I am and not having a choice, of watching my stupid classmates who don't give a shit about their education but still have a thousand times more opportunities than I do, of not being able to have normal job where I could use my brain once in a while, of not being able to leave the country because of all these stupid visa status vs. visa stamp distinctions, of constantly loosing my focus and making no headway, and many other things. How did I deal with all these thoughts? -- brownies, of course. What other choice does a reasonable (insert sarcasm here ) girl like me had?

On a different topic, it kind of freaks me out that, every time I open vkontakte, I see some of my friends or acquaintances getting married or giving a birth. No, it doesn't make me jealous -- I think that, in most cases, 22 is way too early for taking a burden of raising a family upon yourself -- but it does make me question my own choices...not because I think that I should start looking for a future husband right now, but because, to be honest, I'm not planning on embarking on this quest for the next 8-10 years. On the contrary, I'll try to do my best to make sure that nothing and nobody interferes with my plans up until the moment I succeed or fail miserably. If it means not having a real life for the next eight years, I'll just have to deal with it. Some will argue that I can have both, but I don't see it this way, at least not for what I consider my goals to be. Unfortunately, at the moment it's all big words and dreams and not enough action. I know that, as far as studies are concerned, I work twice as hard as most of the people I know, but it is not enough. I keep stumbling on little things and can't figure out a way to manage my time effectively -- to work on extra things without forgetting about what I actually have to do for college, to do my best in classes, but keep in mind that doing just that will not take me far.

Once again, however, there are endless hurdles on my way. For example, I would just love to take an active part in our college life; I have plenty of leadership qualities and could have brought a lot to the table had I participated in any of the clubs. Unfortunately, I do not have time because of my job and I can't change jobs; things will most likely stay this way until I graduate. Neither do I have an opportunity to take unpaid internships because I'll have to starve and live on the streets if I do. So how much is 4.0 GPA worth if by the time I finally get Bachelor's degree I will have neither real work experience nor any college achievements other than academic ones? What am I going to write on my resume or tell on my first job interview -- I changed dirty diapers for the last 5 years? Won't all those dumbass Accounting majors in my class who don't have a clue about what the teacher is talking about have more chances to find a decent job because they are not only allowed to be employed in the US but also have been getting real work experience for all these years? What am I going to do with my Accounting degree from American university if I have to go home after I graduate? Wouldn't it have been more useful to study some French, or English, or Microeconomics, or Accounting right now instead of spending an hour complaining about things that can't be changed? These are the questions I'd like to have answers for...