No, I'm not a lesbian.... No, my failed relationships and propensity for emotionally stunted men couldn't turn me gay. You do not just turn gay, that's not how it works!... Please don't worry, I'm not a lesbian and will never be one because I was not born like that. Don't be ridiculous, please... Oh, please! What gave you that idea in the first place? ... Fine, if you wanna keep it up, I'm having a secret affair with a guy! There's no love, no future, no real involvement. ... It's been going on for a decade and I hope it stays that way, just meaningless mindblowing dirtiest sex ever, no strings attached. There is nothing lesbian between us! He comes over every few weeks and screws me into the matress, with carpet burn and everything, I feel sore in every orifice for days! Are you convinced now? ... Mom? ... Mom?... Are you not talking because you're stroking or because you're silently wishing I were a lesbian?