Esli daje liubov neset s soboi razluku, odinochestvo, pechal - vse ravno ona stoit toi zeni, kotoruiu mi za nee platim

В колонках играет - pink "Runaway"

And again somebody tries to buy me. What does he think - i am a pretty girl, who can't have feelings. He thinks that pretty expencive toys will make me feel better?
All I need right now is a hand of a friend, nothing else.
Why? Do I look like I am on sale, like i have price? May be I have my price, but it's not measured in money.
Why this world is so unperfect? Why they hurt me all the time? Why am I hurt? May be I shouldn't care and it will be easier for me.
Tired to be perfect in this unperfect life. Isn't it easier just to let it happen watever it is? But I can't, i can't betray his memory

В колонках играет - audioslave "Doesn't remind me"

I will never forget him. And I shouldn't force myself. It's ok
I have friends, familly, friends... I am not alone
And everything will be ok. I'll go home soon
I'm gonna meet new people, have new events, challenges
Future. I have it
I have a lot, much more then lots of other people
Everything is fine, i am fine, life is life

I think I'm going crasy. I can't forget him. Why can't I?
Can't understand that will never see him again, forgetting his voice already and trying to remember how it sounds. Sometimes hear his voice in my head so clearly, then forget.
Fuck! Want to get this stuff out of my head! Help!!!!
I miss him


Pink
Who Knew
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

В колонках играет - Audioslave "Out of Exile"

Another meaningless cold day of my life. And I didn't enjoy it as usual.
When I am busy, I'm too busy to enjoy my life. When I am bored, i am bored.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why am i so boring? No fun, no excitement, no iniciative. Empty, totally empty.
I need sun

Keep thinking about him. I was his mistake. He was not supposed to let me get so close, he was not supposed to talk to me. He had completly different life, different friends, goals, everything different. He was not supposed to like me, to notice me.
It's not fare!Why did we meat each other?! Fucking different people! Never actually were together, never wanted to be together
And now I have all that thoughts!
Pain is leaving, now I am angry on life, destiny, myself, feelings, past, everything!

У кошки девять жизней, ей нечего терять
Сегодня уходила, чтоб заново начать
Вчера она блуждала по крышам до темна
По-зимнему грустила, а на дворе весна
Она одна такая, она всегда одна
Не гордая, простая, реальная судьба
Она играет в мячик, когда ей хорошо
Она мурлычет тихо - ей весело, тепло
Показывает когти, бывает убежит
Она всегда приходит к тому, кем дорожит
Легко и грациозно шагает по земле
Такая деловая и верная себе
У кошки девять жизней, ей есть кого терять
Сегодня убежала, устала начинать
А знаете, что кошка сидела у окна
И плакала на звезды. Она всегда одна

В колонках играет - I am the highway

So, what can I say. I am in this world, living, fighting, having good time, laughing, enjoying, thinking, feeling. And it's how it is.
Want everybody around to be happy. Want peace in the world forever.
Want to change something. Want to move, to be strong, first, best, as in good old times. Want to see my friends happy and laughing.
I love all of you for being in my life. I love you for being real.

[250x176]
You said:"Don't let me hurt you, Jill"
I said:"I think you never will"
You said:"I'm leaving to my contry"
"Be safe and happy" said I loudly
You said:"I'm kidding, baby, stop it"
I lost my voice, I couldn't top it
You said:"Hey, thank you for your friendship"
I ran away:"I hate this worship"
You said:"You're real and I like it"
I said:"I'm normal, usuall, fuck it"
You said I'm funny and a freak
I said:"I'm happy. You are sick"
You asked me:"Will you miss me, baby?"
I answered:"No", was thinking:"May be"
You said:"I'll see you in next life"
It stroke me as the sharpest knife
You asked to give you one more hug
I said:"I'll do it, but you suck"
You asked:"Then kiss me in my chick"
I kissed you lightly as a freak
And we were used to fight like that
"You love me"-"No, you love me, babe"
And you were playing stupid games
While I was burning in your flames
I told you that two days before...
You said:"Don't give me problems, bro"
So many things I didn't tell
Before the last and final bell

[190x250]
I am hurt, not because i lost him, but because he is not alife anymore
I miss him
Want to believe that it's better there

[240x230]
Kemal Kolenovic, a middleweight boxer, was killed outside a Bronx bar when he was struck by a car that drove onto the sidewalk, police and witnesses said.

Kolenovic was at a restaurant around 4 a.m. Sunday when several other men got into an argument about their native Eastern Europe. Kolenovic followed the men outside. According to his uncle, Kolenovic was trying to placate the other men.

One of the men involved in the quarrel got into a sport-utility vehicle and drove it onto the sidewalk, hitting Kolenovic. The driver then fled.

Kolenovic was 10-6-2, with five knockouts. He won his most recent fight, a first-round knockout last month of Ronny Glover at the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy in Kings Point, N.Y.

Kolenovic was an up-and-coming boxer who had immigrated from Montenegro. He was looking to fight at the Loews Paradise Theater in the Bronx this month, if he could find an opponent. Don Stewart, a boxing columnist for The Reading Eagle who saw him fight in May told the Times, "He was real charismatic in the ring. He would jump up and down in the corner before the rounds. He was a real tough little guy. It’s a boxing cliche, but he was a hard-luck journeyman who couldn’t get a break. He had fights that could have gone his way but didn’t for whatever reason."

He was 28

Однажды мечтала,стремилась, летела
Бежала, кричала, скользила, хотела
Смотрела, искала, любила, вертелась
И верилось в сказку и в сказку смотрелось
Как в зеркало в воду упала из тела
Разбилась, расшиблась и снова взлетела
На крыльях потрепанных, серых от скуки
На крыльях остались следы - его руки
И больно, и грустно, и стыдно за слезы
За чувства, надежды, ответы, вопросы
И мысли, как реки, бежали, струились
Комкались, как пепел, как камни искрились
Устала, упала, ослепла, пропала
Устала, упала на руки. Попала
Не в сети, не в узы, на губы губами
Не песни, не музы, слова за словами
Осталась, отбилась, кричала на слезы
Отбилась...Ошиблась?Ответы, вопросы...


[480x626]

Novii god. Jdala etogo sobitia s luchimi nadejdami na buduschee, jdala nachala novoi jizni, novogo nastroenia. A vot siju seichas zdes i herovo, otvratitelno, grustno i odinoko.
Hochetza sobrat veschi i uehat domoi, priamo seichas, plunuv na vse...
Hochetza plakat ot togo, chto mir k tebe bezrazlichen. Vrode bi est u tebia blizkie ludi i druzia, a mira u tebia net. Krugovorot jizni i sobitii menia slovno ne kasaetza. I chto chto nastupil novii god? A gde obeschannoe i jellannoe vsemi mne schastie?
alone

I am fucking worried about him. What is going on with him? May be he is right, may be he is too much for me, too much misunderstandable, too much seen, too much hurt. I feel sorry, i feel hurt for his pain. I don't know what to think, just want to go to his house, to hug him and say, that everything will be ok. I don't know how, but I feel him, his pain. Didn't sleep the whole night, when he was drinking out his pain, i received his message at 5, but didn't answer. I answered his call at 11 and still thinking about his words. He was apologysing for his behaviour, saying that he loves me any way, that he doesn't know how to deal with me, because i am so different and so person. He said, that he is not gonna call me anymore. May be now he is ashamed of his words, but these words is what i want to hear from him.
He was hurt, cus thought that hurt me last time. Yes, he did, but i didn't tell him about that, i never tell him anything. And now I am hurt again, i feel bad for him, i am sorry.
Just want to know that he is ok...

Was thinking one day. Actually everything, that i dream about comes true. Seems like creator listens to my thoughts and helps me out with my staff just out of curiosity what i will do with that staff.
I wanted him, i got him. I was bored, puzzled, scared and here it comes - no more him, no more me... And now I am scared, that I lost him. Don't want relashions with him, can't imagine him with somebody else.
WHY??? Where is my satisfaction with this world, my empty world, full of illusions?!? Where is my true and only love to loneliness?
I have so many questions, and thinking them over and over just rises even more chaos in my punk head.
Want to be invisable...
[700x466]

Pochemu melkie vonuchie ludi svoimi vibrasami derma zagriaznaiut moiu edinstvennuiu bolshuiu i velikolepnuiu jizn?

He said, that he has a special place fore me in his heart, that i don't know what he feels and thinks aboiut me. Well, I don't know and I don't care. That's strange. Only a week ago I was worried about him and stuff and now i don't feel anything. I don't even want to answer his calls.
He is so fucking handsome, stylish, tatooed, but so stupid. He doesn't see things, that i am used to see. And I don't know what to do...
[700x525]

[561x699]
I don't know. Sometimes I don't know what to think, what to feel, what I look like for others.
He hurt me. He said that I am typical. Am I? I am used to hear that I am special, different, unique, even perfect. And he said that?! And he doesn't call anymore. I am not gonna call neither. It seems that we are pretty much done here then... It bothers me, doesn't hurt, but bothers.
I like him. For nothing, just like him. But can't forgive, can't forget, can't...
One day I felt so bad and frustrated. I was walking alone, listening to music with eyes full of tears. Then I sat on a banch and started thinking about him. I needed him at that moment. And all of a sudden he called me, he was there for me.
And it's so fucking stupid of me to think about it now, cause he doesn't care anymore. He is pretty OK (I am sure). He forgot me almost or at all.
He doesn't call me, because I hurt him too...

Tired of people with their small, misarable problems, with their small thoughts and their fucking voices around. Why can't U just live without causing problems to yourself and others?

[600x400]
Kakim to strannim neponiatnim obrazom migaet kursor, daje pisat chto libo podozritelno. Ne nravitza mne kak gluchit etot lap top inogda, peregruzili taki mi ego nepolnozennuiu memory card. Da v prinzipe delo sovsem ne v etom i sut moego ocherednogo soobschenia toje.
Itak:
Kajdoe utro u nas nachinaetza odinakovo. Mi vstaem v chas dnia, pitaemsa proskolznut v vannuiu sovsem nezametno, chto redko udaetza i menia eto uje sovsem vivodit iz sebia. Dver protivopolojnoi komnati naraspashku otkrita i ottuda uje letiat privetstvennie Assala Maleikum. I pochemu mujiki ne umeiut zakrivat svoi grebanie na vse 180 gradusov dveri? S utra ia nenaviju ves mir, a sosedei v osobennosti, v osobennosti mujchin...
Segodnia dolgo razrabativali plan kipiachenia chainika. So vcherashnego dnia v nashem dome zavisli druzia mnogouvajaemih mnoi (osobenno s utra) sosedei. Ko vremeni nashego podiema vse 4 elementa spokoino raspolojilis na kuhne - na neitralnoi tak skazat territorii. Imenno misliami o zahvate etoi territorii i bilo zaniato moe vzbudorajennoe ne na shutku voobrajenie. Ne pridumav nichego umnogo, postupila po starinke - goticheskii makiaj, erokez na vsu golovu i mnogoobeschaiuschee virajenie liza sigrali svoiu rol. Chainik bil nash, da i kuhnia toje.
I pochemu mi doljni razrabativat strategicheskie plani prejde chem vipit chai vdvoem?