I am sitting in a hotel and use Inet.....played bowling about 15 min ago with Jose....it was funny....he is still playing...... we are going somewhere today...because I have day-off.............good

oooooooo, shit, today found out, that two girls Who i knew from my city died......I dont know how and why died one girl , but diffrent girl, Kristina...its was suicide....pils...ind diffrent shit.....

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We were sitting and listenning this song all night

LONELY DAY

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

AND IF YOU GO
I WANNA GO WITH YOU
AND IF YOU DIE
I WANNA DIE WITH YOU

TAKE YOUR HAND
AND WALK AWAY

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived

system of a down
"Hypnotize"

Oh yea....finnally.......I set fucking normal american time here.....

Today I got mail ....this guy decided to come back here today, not on january 9....
I am going to move today.....this guy will come back in a few hours....
I am kinda afraid....I dont know him almost.....I mean I was talking with him before but talk and live in one apartment ...its deffrence... I dont know What expect...but I hope everything will be OK...

Yestarday on work was talking with one man:

He: Olesya, You realize how sexy you are....

I am: agaaaaaaaaa, that's why my husband doesn't love me....

He: It means He is looser ...

I am: aaaaaa, no.....and I dont care.... and I dont like to talk with smb about him...

He: You know I' d like to give everything for you.....

I am: ha-ha I 'd like to hear this words from diffrent person but its unreal.......and I dont care about you and i dont need anything from you ....sorry but its true....

stupid conversation....but normal guy..... but I dont care...

I am cold......shit.....so fucking cold....I dont want to go outside....but i need to go in 15 min.....

why is so fucking cold?.

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Why sometime We meet people Who can understand nothing.....You try to talk but its not conversation....., you try to explain smth, but its only worse....

I dont want to say that talk wit me its always easy, but......

I am tired to explain smth....I will not do it anymore

my stomach makes stupid sounds and I look like idiot in library......ohhhh, my hungry stomach wants to eat.....ha-ha but, i dont have anything eat.....

I am sitting and watching photopictures from New Year in club, smth like rock concert....

Ha-ha.... I didnt know that in my city there is so handsome guys )))))

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misunderstandindg.....
pain...
tears....
soul...
love...
alone....
remembers

I want to stop thinking about him because it hurts.....but I cant.....

he doesnt understand that I love him.....

screen...., only screen......HE is not near me ....tears.....remembers......

Clear Away Your Pain
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I was given more time to use Inet...I can use 20 min more....
I am sitting and thinking ..... download AIM or no... I reaaly dont need AIM...but I want to download....

Ok.., I will think 5 min more and decide I need to download it or no...

I am sitting and use internet....and I need to go in a few minutes.....

and Inet is shit because I can not download ICQ normal.., nothing really move in Icq and many diffrent things(((.....fuckkkkkk

january 2 - 2006
22:30
At night

I feel really bad ., I dont know How express it in English....I feel bad not phisical...., its pain inside me ., my heart can not stop thinking about him....

Strangely but a few years ago, even a few months ago I thought that the best life, its life When you live alone, without anybody., but now I think that I was wrong...

I used to be near him ....I used to see him and right now I feel empty I fel that my life is empty...
I know that I have to be strong, hard but its so fucking difficult, I cant do it

I know that I can not make him to come back and be near me, i can not make him to love me again..., even if I want it so much..
I can not fucking hide my fillings....
I cannot stop crying every 5 min.....i can not stop crying when i see places where we've been together before...I can not stop to remember about all our time together....Everything remind me obout him....

I never behaved like now...I always hide all my pain inside me . maybe before it was no pain, maybe right now its real pain...., pain which I can not stop
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I left.....
I left that house
I left person Who I love...
I left my heart in that house...
I left HIM

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for ugly people sometimes even beer doesnt help))))

fuck library......
library bydet zakrita 5 dnei v sviazi hren znaet s chem.....eto dermovo t.k y menia bolshe net dostypa v net ....