My hand look's bad =\

Fuck.

To much red =\

It's so fucking easy to pretend that I'm ok,
Whan I want to scream that I'm not?

I hate myself even more whan I want to ask for help,
I know that people will know that I'm feeling bad.
And they will feel bad becuse they can't help me.

"I made sure that I look how I wanted to look.
The people around me,
The people surround me.

Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm fake, I'm fake."

Only I can help myself.
But I can't.
Sorry.
[300x200]

You say I'm strong.
I'm not, I'm just used to pretend.

You say that you hate yourself.
I cant say anything-I feel that way to.
I hate myself to.

You say I'm always smiling.
I'm dead inside, you know?

You told me its not getting easy.
I told you I know.

I want to die...
That word is so nice.
Die.

So familiar.
Kill me.

Cut.

I cant survive.

Another cut.

I'ts hard.

Grrrrrrrr.........
[255x333]

I cant find me.
I hate the person I am.
I hate myself .

I'm realy lost.

Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.

[показать]
[550x489]

A new cut.
That feels good.

My hend hurt's. pleasant.

Thare's little blood. I didnt cut deep.
But that feels so good for now.

But now I have to go back to reality. Shit.


"Lets go down now
Into the darkness of your thoughts
Hurry up now, we’re waiting for us to fall" (Niki FM)
[400x391]

Everything is so cold.
Everybody are so sad.
Somthing is wrong here.
I'm sure.

I want to sleep forever. I want it so much...
Just sleep.
Im deeper than ever in this now.
I feel like I'm living in circles of sorrow.
I cant remember the time I was happy.
It's only get's worse.

I want a beer and a smoke. and my new knive. sharp.
Sweet.

[300x311]

Hey, you are all blind.



Open your eyes-Open your mind.
[375x500]

.

I'm trying to let you know-It never gets easy.
I guess I knew it all along.

Feeling's never die.
NEVER.

I know that you know it.
I'm not giving up that fast (Hmm... "fast"... year).

I cant fall any deeper that now.
I'm going to avenge.
[700x500]

I dont know what you all want from me.
Whan you ask me what wrong with my life,what is broken-
You cant understend that it's me. Im broken.
You think I enjoy this? that it's fun?
I know that deep inside you dont believe.
Dont raise false hopes that I'm not alone and that you understend me.
I've tryed so many times to explane-I'm tired of explaining.
Just stop hurting me.
I cant find escape from this.
Just cut's, And that I'm sure will not solve my problams.
I'm to lost.

I was so close to give up.
So close.

But I'm here.

Want to cut.

Why even when I have fun and laugh, I still wann'a cut?!
When I'm happy I'm not supposed to cut. But I want.... So much.

I remember the beginning of this, scratch.
Whan you all didn't pay attention it became cut's.

Fuck. I want a razor. sharp.

I hate myself for it.
Whan does it gonn'a stop?!?!?!?!?!

I know where to get the razor.

No. I'm not giving up.
One more day, one more...
Until everything will be ok.

Somehow, I did the first step.
Maybe It's the easy one. Cuz' now it's harder.

I know that in the first emotional-bad emotional feeling I will give-up.
I must be stronger. I must be stronger. I must be stronger.

One more day.
One more.

I can't let you go !!!

I hate you !

I hate you so much !

Why you live in me? Why can't you just go away?

I hate you !

I'm tired... leave me alone.


I hate you.

The love and the hate is the most strog feeling that exist.
They can live together. Always.




OMG I feel so stupid !!!




I wann'a cut again. I need it so much !!!
& a smoke...

I thought that it's over.
5 days I didn't cut.
But I want it so bad.
I want to see the blood again, to feel the pain again.
I dont know how it go so bad that I want it so much.
Cut deep.
To feel I'm flying.
To smile again.
I'm feeling bad again.
It's coming back.

I hate myself !!!

Help me please. I dont want the feeling that I'm waiting to cut all day.

HELP.
[296x246]

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
That nothing can save me,
But it's the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own.

[448x336]

I stoped smoking !!!

Bye bye. I will miss you so much.
Bye bye nicotine.
Bye bye smoke.
Bye bye lighter.
Bye bye futured cancer.
Bye bye diseases.
Bye bye.


(but I realy want one now! oh god help me! fucking shit! I wiil kill you all! fuck! fuck! fuck! I wann'a smoke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I will not smoke! fuck!)
[300x300]

So WTF if I'm not like you all?
Does it make me a bad person?

So I dont think like you,
The important thing for you are like shit for me,
But it's my opinion. At least I have one.

The society decide what is normal and what is not.
I'm not normal for the "normal" people, I'm different.
For me it's normal, You are the different.
HA !

When thw society stop being so shallow (never), I will be calm.
But until that time, I have to build my own world-where I can live and not be compared to other people.
Throw away the ruler that I live on it, cuz' I cant live like this anymore.

I must have the power to , evem when I'm alone.