"Dear Mother and Dad:

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down... Okay?

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day.

Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambtious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know you expressed tolerence will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no boyfriend in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,
Dorothy"

"A esli ya hochu ostavit' telo soobsheniya pustim???"
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On mne podaril shikarnie hrizantemi... Kak oni blagouhaut! Takaya snegnaya belizna! Oni takie chistie, tak ne podhodyat k bardaku v moei komnate...
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Ya chuvstvuu beskonechnuu pustotu gde to v rai'one solnechnogo spleteniya.

Za oknom pasmurno i holodno. Sosna na protiv moego doma zhelteet.

Ya doma odna. Ne nahozhi sebe mesta. Knigki s zadaniem terpelivo lezhat vozle moege levogo loktya. Svet lampi nadoel, dage razdragaet. Len'us ego vikluchit'. Nepriyazn' k ne natural'nomu osvesheniu kipit v gorle, ne sterpimo. S nekotoi zlost'u vikluchau lampu.
Chut' chut' polegchalo.
V tom meste diafragnmi, kotoroe poragdaet vostorg i schast'e, seichas kom. Edkii, lishnii. Chego-to ne dostaet.

Smotru v zerkalo: na litse razdragenie, naverno ot izlishnego poedaniya meda.
Volosi rasstraivaut - pora podstrich, a ya hochu otrastit'. Kak budto posle trevozhnogo sna, torchat vo vse storoni - a vsego lish posle vetra.

Hochu razdetsya i bit' dovol'noi soboi. Poka tol'ko uprekau sebya v tom, chto nikak ne voz'mu sebya v ruki, i ne nachnu egednevno begat'. Bous', chto nespotrya na moi gelaniya, pri vide morogennogo vse zabudu.

Ne znau, chem hochu zanimat'sya. Kem hochu bit'. Pochemu ne znau? Bespokoino.
Ne dai bog ne naidu svoego prizvaniya. Bous' poteryannogo vremeni.
Smeus' nad parodoxom poego haractera.

Ih zapretili pokazivat'.
Vot links...
Banned Beer Commercial: http://youtube.com/watch?v=sl3fCZuZ9nY
Banned commercial - condoms: http://youtube.com/watch?v=nojWJ6-XmeQ
Banned commercial - :): http://youtube.com/watch?v=zoE8KyyX6LM
Banned Commercial- Durex: http://youtube.com/watch?v=bizJWtJ0xXo
Banned Ikea commercial...: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WVXx96JIQcI
Banned Axe commercial: http://youtube.com/watch?v=HScqG_aCHvs

Vse pravda na angliiskom... Vse pravda neskol'ko neprilichni... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1CqpJYM7RI&eurl=

Link na video of lighter in slow motion.

Novie photki kota...
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Ya ochen' lublu' vodit' mashinu noch'u. Dnem eto kak rabota. Noch'u ge, kogda nebo cherno, mashin pochti net, highway sovershenno svoboden, i peizag ostavlyat raznozvetnie ogni raznih zabegalok - ya naslagdaus'... I eshe lubimaya radio stanziya s veselimi i moguchimi pesenkami o lubvi... I vot tak edesh, avtomaticheski menyaesh peredachi, to prislushivaeshsya k govoru motora i shin po aslphal'tu, to k melodiyam - i zhizn' b'iet tokom, i pochemu to hochetsya smeyatsya ot udovolstviya - i prosto schastlivo!
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Niagara Falls is a set of massive waterfalls located on the Niagara River in eastern North America, on the border between the United States and Canada. Niagara Falls (French: les Chutes du Niagara) comprises three separate waterfalls: the Horseshoe Falls (sometimes called the Canadian Falls), the American Falls, and the smaller, adjacent Bridal Veil Falls. While not exceptionally high, Niagara Falls is very wide. With more than 6 million cubic feet (168,000 m³) of water falling over the crestline every minute [1] it is the most powerful waterfall in North America [2] and possibly the best-known in the world.
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Ya pomoemu ne rasskazivala, chto uspela s'ezdit' na Niagarskie vodopadi...
Ya tam uge bila neskol'ko raz, no oni menya ne vpechatlyali. Do sih por kagut'sya obiknovennimi...
Kak to predstavlyalos', chto samie shirokie vodopadi v mire dolgni bit' v lesu, chto tuda budet trudno proiti... - a tam nebol'shoi gorodok, vezde zabegalovki, i vsespezial'no sdelanno dlya turistov... Ne hvataet prirodi i natural'nosti - i eto rasstraivaet vpechatlenie grandioznosti.

A tak - otlichnaya pogoda, zhara, brizgi vodi - zamechatel'no!
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Nedavno stretilis' s moimi rebyatami...Ne veritstsya, chto mi druzhim s teh por, kak priehali v Ameriku...Chto shest' let, a mi vse eshe pomnim o drug drugke - ne smotya na to, chto nekotorim eshe uchitsya v shkole, a drugie - davno v universitete...
Tak priyatno, chto mi umeem tak druzhit'... Maksim i Denis.
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Kak i vsegda, s kotom. On pochemu to obagaet etot tazik.
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A eto moi lubimii kot i ego hoz'yain...:)
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I eshe Kotik...Sashkini roditeli nazvali ego Persik.:)
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Oni gotovi na vse!
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A turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

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A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk.

“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world” Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
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A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Segodnya mi reshili, chto pora ug i pochinit' MAZDA RX7, a to ona uge stoit kak mesyaz, i v luchshem sluchae edit mil' 60 v chas' (naskol'ko ya znau...) Vot segdnya mi (toest' Sasha) vitashili Intake MAnifolf, ego pochistili, pokrasili, pokrasili vsyakie drugie detal'ki, uge ustavshie postavili eto vse obratno, i popitalis' ego zavesti.

I vot ya dergu kakuu to trubu v kapote, i mashina tol'ko zavelas' - i vdrug ona dimit s levoi storoni, i secund cherez 30, pryamo pod mei rukoi - vspihivaet!

Tak, prilichno zagorelas' - mngonovenno do krishki kapota... Slavo bogu u nas voda bila, at to tushit' sovsem nechem...

Na segodnya pochinki hvatit...