Ok so next wednesday I am gonna be 25, I feel so daring, wanna do something crazy! Was gonna tattoo my butt -"insert here" but then thought its too much lol! So just gonna go do belly piercing today!
Meeting with Dion tomorrow and then Thursday- dinner with potential client- if I sign them too- its gonna be my 4th wedding deal for upcoming season!!!! Yay!!!
Then weekend gonna be a little slow- I am babysitting kids for a friend of mine! And then- count down to my trip to Florida! ;)))
Ah how fun!!!! If not for this snow storm and M with his fucking appearance in my life I'd be happy!

Ok, so sometimes I honestly hate to be smartie as I am, but, I was born with brains and now is perfect time to use 'em! :))
I could, if I was stupid, let this guy come in and out of my life whenever he felt like it, get hurt every time he wouldn't call, disappear and get "high" every time we'd spend together until one day when he is gone forever, building serious relationships with another girl! Then I'd get so hurt! :) instead, I'm gonna get him out of my life now and forever- he is not ready to commit, he wants to go out and have fun, I am gonna let him- he can go on with his life, he is not what I am looking for anyway! Yeah it will hurt, but I know I am strong enough and it will be fine soon!
Then, I just got so many things on my to do list- its gonna keep me pretty busy next few months anyway!!!!
I wanna get my own place, I want to paint it and make it my and Gabby's HOME until I save up some $$ for my own house, I need to buy me bed and HUGE screen TV and some furniture, I want to stood with my both feet on the ground and support my dreams and Gabby's life! I know what I want and how to get it, now all I need to do is FOCUS on it! I got another wedding coming up and already signed contracts with two more!!!
And I just had a lady who randomly came up to me at work and gave me little handmade angel- she said she felt like I need one in my life right now!!!! Made me realize - I need to smile more or people will think I am depressed negative wreck!!!! he ....

I've got two more guys on hold..... :))))) maybe ill go to a dinner/musical with one.... Well see how I feel.... I need to get distracted. Not going to talk to him at all. Meet him or answer his text. This door needs to be closed forever!!!!!
Wish me luck, people!

I am trying to meet all those new guys, I almost constantly talking/flirting with somebody just praying the next guy I'll meet will be somewhat worth getting more serious with- and I end up driving home form another not so good date- crying!!!!! Because I miss my babe!!!!! And the worst part is- he is still texting me, still saying how great I am and how he want to meet me! For only one reason of course, we can meet- but no commitment nothing serious! I love talking to you Leeka, but oh no, I am not ready to date, you are an amazing girl and I miss you but OH NO I am not ready for serious relationship!!! And all I want is to see him again, cuddle with him again, kiss him again, hold his hand, how is it even possible to feel so connected to a person when you don't even really know him????
How do I get over this???? How do I get my heart back together and keep leaving my life the way I lived it before????
I HATE IT!
All I want is to forget him and at the same time all I want is another night together with him!
I am so stupid!

I am so sad right now.... Everything is going for me- job, friends, daughter is all good, but I am so tired of waiting for that one little text message, from "you know who", and I am upset with myself that I just can't get him out of my head- I know, I KNOW, he is bad news for me and I should just forget him, but I can't and that's the whole problem.
Gonna head to the gym after work and just "kill" myself on trademill to get home and crash!!!!
Its always sooooo sad when dreams don't come true! And when we don't get it the way we want. Maybe I have somekind of disorder when if I can't het something on my terms I get withdrown and depressed???!!!!

Why do I find good looking tall blond guy with blue eyes not sexy at all?
Why do I find British accent annoying?
Why do I eat sushi for lunch and going to a sushi bar for dinner tonight?
Why do I go on a second date with a guy I am not that into?
Why not?!!!! :))))

Really, even after major set backs I feel like such a stronger person!!!!!!
Everything bad that happens to me makes me re-count what I have and what I should be really thankful for!!!!
Like my daughter, she is SOOOOO awesome!!!!!!! I love her bunches and bunches! She brings meaning to my life! And I've got GREAT friends, people who really like to hang out with me and who care about me. My job is GREAT, I keep meeting people who honestly touch my life and influence me and how I look at this world! Even those who hurt me seem somehow add to the whole picture of my "happy life" :))))
Here, in just a few weeks I will be 25! OMG! Twenty Five!!!! Who would of thought I'd have so much by 25!!! :)))

I've got so much to be looking forward to- trip to Elena, my BFF!!!! I miss her sooo much and always have such a great time!!!! We're gonna pAAArty! :)))) Another wedding photography job in two months, new job I start tomorrow- new friends, new faces, new feelings!!!!!!

I always keep my chin up! I can't be weak. I came in the US 6 years ago with $70 in my poket and look where I am now. Yeah, I might not have a house, fancy car or hot motherf@$%er next to me...YET! :)))) But I got so much more! My inner world is soooooooooo complex and I know my path leads me in the right direction!

with this said, I am gonna go check on my little girl and get ready for work tomorrow! Gotta look my best, you know?

<3

xoxo
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Iґm like a bird and I am so high
In my lair looking at the blue sky
canґt let another day pass by
Without you knowing what I feel inside
Cause itґs embedded in my soul
The day I stop will be
the day I turn cold
Let you know Iґm breaking
out of that hole
And let go

[Chorus]
So I can be free
To do what means most to me
And you can look back one
day and know I shared with
you my gift
I hope you wouldn't think I just leave
Pack up and roll up my sleeve
Give it all up and live for
nothing to take with me all
I got to give

Thatґs why
I just want to make you clap again
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/RR56 ]
Just clap again
I just want to make you clap again
Just clap again
I just want to make you clap again
Just clap again
I just want to make you clap again
Just clap again

[Verse 2]
So if your life is twisted
and ainґt going right
Let's forget about it tonight
I just want to make you happy baby
Dancing and clapping
(dancin' and clappin')
Cause we plan to be here
till the morning light
Can you feel the change in your life
And it feeling like magic baby
Iґm the one that make it happen baby

After texting me all day, calling me babe and how he wants to see me soon, I got on match and saw he is online looking for girls, lol. I confronted him- and he's like well I told you I am not ready to date, just wanna be single, and I am friend to you, and I go- with benefits? And he's like yes, I can't offer nothing to you but sex! And I am like I don't know who you think you are but I am definitely not a girl you thought!!!!! So I told him bye!!!! And my phone was silent ever since, lol. My friend tells me its not the end of the story and he's gonna keep trying to get back in my pants( cause I got a .... that you haven't seen before and once you got a taste of it you'll be coming back for more -Akon) lol but I am glad I figured him out in such an early stage! I am not gonna get used by a freaking guy, lol, so not worth it!!! Back on a dating stage better then ever!!!! :)))))))

He broke my heart!!!!!!! An hour before our date texted me he is not feeling well and have to cancel and right after that telling me that he is not ready to date or serious relationships..... Then a lot of texting back and forth, I got drunk, wasted drunk and can't stop crying. FUCK! I knew it was coming!!!!!!!
I hate all guys!!!! Hate them!!!

so, this New Years Eve I made a wish to meet my True Love this year, to fall in love, crazy, unconditionally, kind of like Bella fell for Edward...

and then...what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I see him and think he is the perfect perfect perfect boy, handsome, so sexy and I am just being showered by lust, oh how I love that feeling, but at the same time I am trying very hard NOT to do stupid crazy things which I always do and just to have fun, get to know him and enjoy the ride....


I am scared to death that he doesn't feel the same, even though every thing he does screams that he does, oh well, only TIME will tell...

.....But i just went against the grain
It was a feelin i can't explain
And it felt like harmony
Singin in my face like
diddy-duhdee doo-dah-day
I don't want it to ever go away
I want it around me every day
Singin in my face like
diddy-duhdee doo-dah-day ....
-Akon




OK so I AM fallling in love or lust or both or whatever. I can't stop thinking about that boy, he drives me CRAZY.... all I wanna do is get my hands on him and never let go. when we get together - time flies, when we r on the phone time flies but in between of course I got to wait and it is SLOW....
so... we have another date set up and so far I am pretty excited about everything, and we have such a STRONG sexual tension it is not even funny....and everything has been really cool, I am trying not to get my hopes up so I won't get hurt but at the end I know I am gonna gt hurt one way or another- at least now I am having fun that"s important...


nasty weather outside- snow storm.... going to bed...

Собираюсь домой И через два часа на второе свидание!!! :)) люблю я летать на крыльях любви, жалко падать всегда так больно....

Nedavnie sobytija moey lichnoj zhizni natolknuli menja na odin iz tak nazyvaemyh "vechnyh voprosov"I
-
Na kakom svidanie zanjatie ljubov'u rassmatrivaetsja kak nechto vpolne estestvennoe I normal'noe? I voobwe kogda otnoshenija mezhdu muzhchinoj I zhenwinoj dolzhny vkljuchat' v sebja seks????
Ja pomnju Samanta v Sex and the City govorila, chto luchshe vse sdelat' na pervom svidanii, chto by potom ne razocharovatsja, kogda v cheloveke tebe vse nravitsja, krome seksa!

A chto dumaete vy po etomu povodu. Ja dumaju, chto esli u muzhchiny serjoznye namerenija to on I nastaivat' na sekse ne budet, a zhenwina uzhe sama dlja sebja dolzhna reshit', kogda ej s etim muzhchinoj komfortno I ih otnoshenija mogut prinimat' bolee intimnye okraski. :)))

Zhdu vashih kommentov.

Last night went so freaking awesome I don't even have words to describe how much fun I had.
I am so gonna be screwed, I just can feel it- the guy hypnotized me or something ;))))

HO HO HO!!!!!! :))))
Well Merry Christmas to all my Dear Friends back in Russia celebrating this religious holiday today! Will it ever stop? Celebrating I mean? Seems like non stop celebration back in Russia!!!!! :))

Anyway, I am in a dating mode again! I feel beautiful and sexy again, flirty and a little bit naughty, well OK, a whole lot naughty but I LOVE IT!!!! :))

So, I' ve decided to stop depressing over every little thing that went wrong in my life and concentrate on good things and my goals- after all life is what you make it, right?

Well, I am going out on a date tonight and it is so exciting, a guy is 27 which is kind of young for what I am used to, but we clicked really well and I like to talk to him, his attitude and I think he is really hot! :)) I feel connection or something like I know him from sometime ago... Oh well... Another emotional roller coaster- gotta love that!!! After all I have a feeling that every relationship I had is only bringing me closer to my own personal Mr Big!!! ;)

And that is written. :)) destiny, faith, whatever you want to call it but there is no escape from a True Love!!!! :))

мерзкая, липкая тварь....

for a reason..
watching True Blood and it is leaving mixed feelings... so much sex :)))

отмечание нового года прошло так себе, конечно клуб и музыка были классные, но всё остальное у меня было так же как и весь год- пресно...
но не будем заострять внимание на негативе- я почему то верю, что этот год у меня будет классным! ;)
проснулась я как ни странно в 3 часа дня- наверное это единственный день в году, когда я могу себе это позволить, на завтрак у нас были сухи в модномкитайском ресторанчике Kyoto, на ужин фильм SLUMDOG и кофе STARBAKS- нет ничего лучше TALL SKINNLY LATTE и известных индийских запевов и танцев- правда данная историаж о любви, деньгах, предательстве и мести проходила не под напевы индийских актёров, как это обычно в индийскижх фильмах, а под ритмичную современную музыку, которая очень сответствовала ритму и настроению фильма.... Вообщем, я конечно от фильма в полном восторге. я в последнее время всё чаще и чаще смотрю фильмы о большой и чистой любви и на душе становится тоскливо, что мне тоже хочется этого чувства немногко... :)))
перед фильмом посмотрела трейлер "Ангелы и Демоны" С Том Хэнксом, который выходит через пару месяцев и сразы вспомнила, что у мня на полочке валяется эта книженция- сразу захотелось почитать- пора уже кончать с моей Twilight obsession :))) ....
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у меня появилась новаа игруша! :)) iPod Touch....

Oh I just have a great feeling about this new 2009 year!!!!!
To celebrate coming and say good bye to 2008 we are going to BANG Night Club(www.bangnightclub.com)- it became my fav spot in town- sophisticated up scale club with awesome DiJey's and flaming bottles of vodka and hot RED design- think: leather chairs, beaded strings instead of doors in VIP areas, booths and cozy darkness of night club, huge posters of hot sexy ppl on the walls and flat screen tv's ready to entertain bored boyfriends!!! ;)) I just love that place! Nobody under 21 can get in and under dressed ppl are not allowed either. There are actually girls and guys who know how to dress to impress!!!! And it is fav spot for stylish hot Russian Girls of course! :)) so this coming New Year's Eve we are going there- our party- about 20 ppl are going to dance the night away and I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!