Стоят два психолога на остановке:
- Что-то автобуса долго нет...
- Хочешь поговорить об этом?

Встречаются двое:
- Что грустный такой?
- Болею... ни один врач вылечить не может: ночью писаюсь...
- А попробуй к психотерапевту.
Через неделю встречаются:
- Ну что, больше не писаешься?
- Писаюсь. И ГОРЖУСЬ ЭТИМ!!!

Объявление в кабинете врача в больнице:
"Доктор цветы и конфеты не пьет"

Табличка на двери кабинета врача: "Лечу горбатых. Врач Могила В.П."

Официальный сайт нашей стоматологической поликлиники:
www.zubov.net

фраза дня:
"мы вас любим, в глубине души, где то очень глубоко"
(служебный роман)

You Know You're Russian When...
Your car costs more than your college education

Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not

Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn)

Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends

Your idea of a love song is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD.

Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone

Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font

You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents

People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can

Every sentence you say or hear starts with "blyat" and ends with "nahuy"

You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market

You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki

You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner

You know all the cops by their first names

You know someone who works at a dental lab

You are somehow related to most of the people you know

On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2

You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit

Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper

Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs

At any given moment you are carrying at least a dime bag of shmal'...

Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB

You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying.

You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne).

The waitresses at Omega know your order even before you say anything. Most of the time you get "Gypsy".

You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to.

Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk.

You wake up on a saturday morning, unable to remember which one of your friends gave you a ride home because you couldn't even walk, but see your car standing in the parking lot (you drove home yourself).

You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka

You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas

You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO, Showtime, Per-View is on.

Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4...

You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer).

You have a personalized license plate.

When you are going downtown you ride in one of the last two train carts.

Typical Friday/Saturday night phone call to your friends starts with "So what are we doing tonight?"

Most of your clothes are fake brand names but you "just can't tell them apart from the real ones."

Your fake id is the International Driving License who you got through your friend who goes to Kingsburough.

You used to work out, but you don't anymore. If you do workout, you must wear all you golden chains and bracelets.

Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise.

You have a fake Movado because you can't afford a real Rolex.

Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational

You're proud to be Russian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Russian friends!

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море позитива.............
и почему то смешно........................
а что?жизнь прекрасна .........
вот и картинка подходящая.........
з.с. я говорила матом не ругаюсь

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its been a long time since i wrote something......
i know.........
eh.........
well , i am in summer school and it isn't fun........
i meet this one girl in my classes, who is also from ua and she seems nice........
i went to beach with olga and i got my both feet burned , badly, really badly
it looks red........eh......
ira doesn't seems to want to go out much, so i don't see her at all
i am talking this speech setion with my old speech pro, she is very nice and understantable, she seems to know my problem , she says i am too fun, thats why my english is not at good as it could be......
maybe, maybe......
will see if she can help me to solve my shynes, but its not like a problem for me,i kind of got used to it.
but she did gave me a valid advice, - to stand up strate, look direcly into the eyes of the person you are speaking with and to get my chin up, eh , i have nothing to hide, so i have to proud of myself.........
i guess it is true.....no more shiness......
eh he

NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME NOW
still hoping to fall in love this summer.
i look hot
want love
and education.
nothing is going to stop me now, and i don't want to talk it over
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finally school is over, and i am done with my exams........
i really don't know how i am feeling right now,
right now i am cleaning my room and that brings my attitude......
yesterday i said no to dasha to go camping......
i just can't go for 2 days outside with people that i don't know....
i believe i did the right thing that i said no, i know it must be fun there, but
i don't know those people........and i don't really like dasha that much
yesterday i spend the whole day with olga.......we went bowling , i won 3 times in a row and it was fun...........yea but she is going to france this summer and i am going to school........once again i know that i am doing the right thing studying over the summer, but still i feel a little bit jeouse that she is going and i am not........
thats all..............
maybe summer school will be fun.........
eh , maybe , i hope
one day i will go to paris..............
yes , i will............................................
after i finish my education at columbia grad school...........ehehe
i hope to get in there...........yes i know its crasy , but i still hope

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даша сегодня мне с того не всего подарила дорогие души, шанель
мне показалось это подозрительным ведь я её знаю всего лишь 3 месяца да и не такие мы уж и друзья что бы такие дорогие вещи дарить
я их выброшу

on me way home, in the train, the black male was looking a me that badly, i could barely wait untill i get home, i even forgot that i was mad hundry. he even started singing to me,.....hehe, either i am beautiful or he is crazy........one of thoses

Репетиция рекламы соков.
Дети:
- А я - вишенка..
- А я - яблочко...
- А я - томат...
- А я - долбоеб....
- Мальчик!!!!! Ты - БАКЛАЖАН!!!!
Еще раз:
- А я - вишенка..
- А я - яблочко...
- А я - томат...
- А я - долбоеб....
- МАЛЬЧИК!!!!! ПОВТОРЯЮ - ТЫ - БАКЛАЖАН!!!!
Еще раз:
- А я - вишенка..
- А я - яблочко...
- А я - баклажан!!
- Мальчик!!!!! Ты - долбоеб!!!! Сначала идет - ТОМАТ!!!!

i don't get it, now he calls me Alenochka infront of his girlfriend........
hm i give up, hell with him...
i am hungry and yesterday Dasha called me in the middle of my favorite tv show - kvn , so i didn't even get what she was saying, i just said no.......
hm, have to ask her tomorrow , why she was calling me....... hehe
nice day outside, but very very cold for this season.......

ВОДОЛЕЙ найдет свое счастье во время прогулки, поездки в транспорте, в многолюдном месте, в доме родственника, рядом со зданием начальной школы, в любом магазине.
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"Настоящая женщина не та, которая заводит нового кавалера каждый вечер, а та, которая каждый вечер заводит одного и того же)"
цитата дня......
а вообще все у меня нормально,
правдя этот козел которому я отослала свое сочинение не пишет- вот сволочь, да и наплевать на него
всю неделю сидела дома, вроде как училась - но это только вроде как а на самом деле низрена (ну почти) не злала......
решила не обрезать косу, волосы вроде бы пошли по луше - меньше сыпяться, вот только этого и хочу что б не выпадали и мама говорит не обращай на это внимание
осталось еще 2 недели и кончился семестр и ета а там снова учеба, вот и тружусь верчусь как пчелка, но мне нравиться, надоело сидеть дома
да все еще будет, жизнь- малина...............
все будет ок

yesterday irina came in, we had a lovely talk with her,
it turned out he had a bf and i didn't know about that.........
i can't believe its her first year at college and she already had a bf, ah ah, whats wrong with me.? althkough i found someone who really likes me , but i don't like it, its always that way with me........now he gave me his email so that over the break i could mail him my essay and i didn't even asked for it, he did it, how nice.....eh any way i am about to go on my spring break and i already have a few nice ideas on how to spend it....olga called today and said she wants to see me , so i guess we could go bowling on friday......that would be nice i am ready for the vacation....i can't wait, although i can barely call it a vacation because its only a week and i have SO much to do over it, i got to write 10 pages report , annual report and study for other bs...good news : i got 100 on my psy test when class average is 58 ,,,,,,,,,aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahow smart am i?
well you don't have to be smart to cheat right, thats all......hehe
its sunny outside and i am about to hit books on my last midterm b4 spring break.............i have a nice feelings and warm heart........i feel happy , i don't even know why, maybe because everything goes right!!!!!!!!11:kosich:

today i had a very sexy dream......
yes i did.....
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i don't get it some people are just unbelievable to understand
i was so shocked and embarassed yesterday in my speech class.......
this guy just shocked me , first he asked me if i spilled the water and as usually without realizing what he was saying i said yes just to get rid of him and when the teacher came in the pointed and asked who did it, he pointed right at me...oh my God , i am back at kindergarden, what the hell is that/. now i can't trust him , and i won't , not anymore , no more sharing with him , and today in my other class he playfully said "i love her" talking to other girl and looking at me, uh, uh what the hell how do i understand that........unbelievable i have no clue.......but his friend albanian guy is so cute , i can't help it not to try not to stare at him, thats why i sit in front of him, so i won't get embarrased or accused of staring....yesterday he gave me two pencils. ...haha i am back to the kindergardern, i can't believe i get exciting because someone gave me two pencils......i am retarded and i am 20 and its spring, so i guess it explanins it all......
anyway my guy from phy is still flirting with me, but i don't want him ,,,not him not the other one from speech class, i am good and i am looking for someone better, now he is trying to be all smart, ha! i am still smarter
damn, i am looking for nice today and i have just a long hair i can't believe it i didn't cut it, oh yeah a few day before i had this damn obsession to cut my hair and wen t i finaly went with my mother to cut it, all salons were closed except one, that was supper expensive and i thought i didn't worth it, so i guess it was a sign from above that i should not cut my hair and i didn't ..... yeah yeah.....
anyway i have to go to my acc class i can't wait untill summer and yesterday i so wanted to see the concelor but because of this damn speech class and that damn borring proffessor i was late and he didn't see me, i am mad a little bit.......
eh , its getting warmer and warmer outsite......
love me

louis de funes

Прослывший редким брюзгой артист действительно совершенно ничем не напоминал искрометного бодрячка из кино. Соседи его шикарных апартаментов несчетное число раз перекрестились, когда семья де Фюнесов переехала за город в старинный замок Шато де Клермон. Оказывается, когда актер слышал шум за стеной, а на часах было позже 22 часов, он звонил в полицию, а потом требовал возмещения морального ущерба! «Я не люблю общества, — откровенничал он в редких интервью, — у меня мало друзей. Все свободное время, отдыхая от веселья, я провожу со своей семьей. Выходы в свет? — Слыша этот вопрос, он мрачнел и пускал в ход любимый афоризм. — А знаете ли вы, что самые большие глупости совершает человек с бокалом в руке?!» Однажды шутки ради де Фюнес повесил на дверь своего дома табличку: «Торгую весельем с 9.00 до 18.00». К его величайшему раздражению, у ворот действительно выстроилась очередь желающих получить порцию смеха! Бедняги не знали, что весь заряд своего юмора артист без остатка выплескивает в фильмах, почти ничего не оставляя для частной жизни. Один журналист с недоумением заметил: «Трудно представить себе, что этот маленький, очень серьезный человек заставляет смеяться всю Францию».

all weakends long i was sick............
i had a fever.....
not i feel sick and its getting warmer outside, well not really warmer but just a little bit.......today i returned to school after 7 days of staying at home and drinking hot tea with lemon, i don't feel well in school............i kind of lose my mind and sense of presents, eh.......i even asked dasha what year are we in right now, eh? how bad is that? i am out of my mind.............
i feel a little sad , very one , olga and dasha went out with friends to the weekends and had a lot of fun and drinkin,g they didn't stay home and i did. ...i can't image what would my parents say if i said , mom dad i won't sleep for two days at home, is that ok with you? and i am 20 and they are 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn, now i see how much i depend on my parents and how much they controll my world, but i still think that when i will have kids my age i will do the same , i will controll them and be at home ....usually it doesn't lead to anything good..........anyway.......i am a little bit jelous , but i will get over it i promise, everything hads its onw sweet time........in the morning class teacher tought that i will cry because i was so embarassted, and i kind of was, itsn't not my fault that in russian we dont have sound th like in english and i simply can't make it....................i can't..........but i will , b/c i have to, b/c i want to pass the class......eh.........my nose is so watery...eh. beh, beh, its discusting , i will go play on line right now i guess, since i have free time before my next class........
i will write later.........
love , me prosto kak 2 kopeiki

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today i went to the autoshow with two my best friends
it was lots of fun
we made lots of pictures
i am happy :-)