Ответственности учишься три раза в жизни: когда остаёшься один, когда появляются дети, и когда снова остаёшься один.

(с)

Из услышанного:

В чём разница между хуем и жизнью? Жизнь жесче и гораздо длиннее!

Говорят, это было в фильме "Москва", в разговоре между дочерью и мамой (у них там один любовник на двоих), слова матери.

The age-old myth that girls like assholes is bogus. Girls don't "like" assholes. Girls love assholes, in the same way that guys love guns and fast cars. It's a power/control thing. Girls use assholes as target practice for their skills of manipulation and seduction. Defeating assholes is a hobby for girls. It's a game to them. They find an asshole and do whatever slutty behavior is necessary to break down his defenses and cause him to surrender to her bidding in the name of lust.

Sometimes you hear about a girl falling for an asshole. That's because the girl fails to tear down his asshole shield. So, like the stubborn person she is, she refuses to surrender in a fleeting attempt to change him. Eventually she gets bored of his prick facade and falls in love with him because she has nothing better to do. Around that time, he loses the mystery, she no longer gets turned on by him, he's no longer attracted to her because she keeps trying to fucking change him, and her little game ends in a stale mate. As in, the mating gets stale. Then hopefully they both die in a car wreck.

My friend told me about a New Years Eve get together last Sunday. When I arrived, I entered the house, scanned the room for the hottest girl. I approached her and blurted out, "Excuse me, what do you want?" She said, "What?" I replied, "You look like a bug." Then I went to the refrigerator and got a beer.

She came to me a few seconds later and asked, "What did you say to me?" I said, "What's your name?" She said, "Cecelia." I replied, "Ceceilia? God I hate that name. It reminds me of cilia. That's fucking disgusting. You're fucking disgusting." I grabbed another beer and walked into the living room.

I don't want to come off like a badass. I'm a geeky guy, and by no means suave or intimidating in any way. It's worse than you'd expect. Put it this way - you could put sunglasses on a sickly bullemic dwarfed out carwash attendant and he'd be more badass looking than me.

Anyway, that was the first phase of the party. I remember it very clearly . But the next part is hazy in my memory. It was something like - I drank two liters of table wine and then something about a giant dog and people serving exotic cheese to trusafarians.

I was in the living room dancing to strange sounds. I think it was country music or something. I haven't heard country in so long, I forgot what it sounds like, but I'm sure it was country if I was drunk enough to dance to it.

The mysterious and beautiful girl I mentioned, Cecelia, was dancing with her friend. I stood next to them and continued to make jabs at her ego. I said things like, "Please stop dancing, for the love of god." and "You need to shave your nosetache." She basically took my neg hits like a man and responded passively. Then I said something over the top, I forgot what it was. Probably, "I smell something. Did you do the splits?" And her friend pushed me away. Strangely enough, Ceceilia said, "No, I want to dance with him." And she looked at me with angelic eyes and the cute sexy head tilts you see on Old Navy commercials. Which, to me at the time meant, "I'm going to take this guy out back and lick his balls."

I had won. I was an Old-Navy-head-tilt receiving studly winner. We started dancing together and it was awesome. Partially because she had good rhythm, but also because I was drunk enough to imagine her naked without getting turned on and dealing with the whole 'dancing with an erection' conundrum. While we danced, we made stupid idle drunk chit chat. Then she leaned into me and spoke in a sexy whimper, "I want you to stop being mean." Unfortunately, between the overload of wine in my belly mixed with the excitement about the ball licking agenda, I had completely forgotten to be an asshole.

I smiled and mumbled something along the lines of, "Sorry it's [drunken blabber] pretty girl and [drunken blabber] get nervous around [almost puke]." She laughed and repeated the head tilt thing, which, by the way, got really fucking old pretty quick. And I don't mean 'pretty' in a nice way. Girls, if you're into the head tilt, please don't do it more than twice, max. God that's annoying. Anyway, it was nice to be reassured of my champion womanizer status. It's like we were playing Monopoly and she landed on Ventnor Ave. with eight hotels. I thought she was about to mortgage all her railroads and suck my Baltics when as unexpectedly as she had entered my life, she vanished.

That's it. She walked away like a girl that had just been released from six months of juvenile detention. Looking back, I believe there was a smile, a head tilt, and she said, "You're a very interesting person." Then a few more lametarded head tilts and she walked away. It was horrible.

I was helpless to her barrage of puckering smiles and slow, squinty-eyed hip jives. She defeated me without any problem. I felt as if I had just played Pictionary against Van Gogh. Her attack of whorpedos left me Читать далее...

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Заповеди настоящей Женщины



1. Настоящая женщина не гонится за счастьем.
Она вообще ни за чем не гонится. Бег за счастьем - самый популярный и самый глупый вид спорта. Мы все куда-то бежим. К светлому будущему, в завтрашний день, в следующий год и т. д. Настоящая женщина не занимается этим видом спорта. Она плывёт по жизни, всегда находясь в сегодняшнем дне, потому что настоящее - это самое интересное и важное из того, что занимает её внимание. Нет, конечно, настоящая женщина имеет планы на будущее, но она не откладывает жизнь на завтра. Не ждет, что её настоящая жизнь начнётся, когда... (когда она наконец похудеет, когда прискачет принц, когда будут подходящие обстоятельства и т. д.).

Читать далее...

Для желающих начать всё сначала - ещё одна соцсетка в бета статусе :)

Привлекательные особенности, там ещё никого нет и белый фон :)

meesto.com

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Результаты теста:

Вы очень оптимистичный, жизнерадостный и добродушный человек. С легкостью сопереживаете окружающим, живо реагируете на происходящее вокруг. Излучаете внутреннюю энергию, окружающим всегда хорошо вместе с Вами . Любите развлечения, веселье и хорошо отдохнуть, расслабиться . Получаете огромное удовльствие от общения.
Ваш цвет ногтей указывает на плохое кровообращение. Кровь недостаточно приливает к пальцам, поэтому они имеют синеватый оттенок.Вам свойственны частая смена настроения и точки зрения . Обладаете большой впечатлительностью и непредсказуемы в чувствах и поступках.

Обладаете быстрым мышлением, любопытны и любознательны (любопытство: 92.0%). Легко сходитесь с новыми людьми, в целом - Вы разносторонний человек. Восприимчивы к окружающему миру. Однако, слишком много Вам быстро надоедает, поэтому Вам необходимы частая смена окружающей обстановки. Вместе с тем, легко поддаетесь на чужие просьбы, часто не можете отказать в помощи другим.

Вы учитесь на собственных ошибках. В жизни Вам всего приходится добиваться самостоятельно, без посторонней помощи, часто приходится усиленно трудиться и преодолевать трудности и препятствия.Вам свойственны независимость в суждениях и свободолюбие, постоянно возражаете своему собеседнику, живете лишь сегодняшним днем . При этом изобретательны, не выносите строгости и формальости, плохо приспосабливаетесь к окружающим. Не слишком заботитесь о будущем, бываете беспечны .Вы деловой и активный человек. Отличаетесь практичностью, изобретательностью и оригинальностью . В жизни предпочитаете интенсивный путь, неутомимы и энергичны, любите перемены (активность: 58.3%).

Не любите бездельничать и отдыхать, постоянно находитесь в движении. Вы прагматик и реалист, любите путешествовать. Часто с головой уходите в работу, при этом любите достигать цели и предпочитаете экспериментировать.

Любите и умеете отовсюду извлекать выгоду . Не любите долгих разговоров, предпочиаете сразу переходить к делу, Вам свойственно преобладание страстей над разумом (страстность: 76.0%).

У Вас большой запас энергии (энергичность: 69.8%). У Вас вспыльчивый характер, при этом Вы быстро миритесь (агрессия: 99.0%). Остры на язык и остроумны, быстро реагируете на события, находчивы . Склонны к ревности и собственничеству (ревность: 41.5%).

Любите спорить, не переносите критики в свой адрес. Физически сильны, обладаете хорошей мускульной силой и крепкой конституцией. У Вас критический склад ума, для Вас свойствены нетерпеливость и самоуверенность, так же склонны суетиться и мешать другим людям (торопливость: 62.5%).
Вы склонны к систематическому мышлению, любите размышления (духовность: 69.0%). Недоверчивы и мелочны, Вам трудно угодить. Любознательны, любите доискиваться до всего самостоятельно. Проникаете в суть вещей прибегая к логике и анализу (логичность: 57.0%). Крайне несговорчивы. Слишком сильная тяга к свободе и независимости . Вы щедрый, энергичный и открытый человек (энергичность: 69.8%). Способны воздействовать на окружающих, обладаете большой экспрессивностью и жизнерадостностью. Любите приключения и путешествия.

Вы щедрый, даже немного расточительный человек. Слабая сила воли. Однако, легко приспособляетесь к новым условиям. Открыты и позитивны, оптимистичны, не конфликтны, дружелюбны (оптимистичность: 63.0%).

Терпимы к другим людям, отличаетесь частой сменой настроения. Вы разносторонний человек со множеством идей. Дипломатичны и не любите ссориться с другими. Переменчивы и гибки в отношениях .
Вы нерешительный человек, склонны действовать под влиянием чувств (нерешительность: 88.7%). Недоверчивы и пугливы, зависите от чужого мнения. Упрямы и подвержены колебаниям, позволяете управлять собой . Склонны к подражанию, впечатлительны, часто бываете пассивны и покорны, а так же ведомы в жизненных ситуациях.

Выражен недостаток жизненных сил . Вы довольно снисходительный и доверчивый человек, любите искусство . Легко поддаетесь чужому влиянию, а энергию часто растрачиваете по мелочам. Впечатлительны, быстро замечаете недостатки и слабые места других людей. Легко уклоняетесь от цели, следуете своим путем в одиночку, при этом понимаете что происходит вокруг. Выражен недостаток выдержки, неумеете бороться с проблемами. Читать далее...

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else, via e-mail or any other means, DO NOT TOUCH IT! This virus wipes out your private life completely!

eliotsj:
I suppose I've read too many xkcd comics and believe on some level that every time I take public transport, there's a chance that a girl will come up to me and say, "I see you're reading Dune. That's my favorite book!" and I'll say, "I see you're running Debian on your laptop. That's my favorite distro!" and we'll run away together and spend the rest of our lives saying incredibly witty things to each other.

LindaDanvers:

You hopeless romantic ;-)

Это цитата сообщения Оригинальное сообщение

Цитата #405050



xxx: чем ты занимался сегодня, любимый?
yyy: ездил справку для универа делать, потом к родителям заехал, отдал папе тот диск, про который тебе говорил, потом на работу.
xxx: а я думала, ты по мне скучал :(
yyy: прости, я все время забываю правильный ответ

http://bash.org.ru/quote/405050

-MisterWebz 2 points 12 hours ago[-]
So when you're in love with a girl and you really want her, you'll never get her?

-InspectorJavert 14 points 12 hours ago[-]
Not unless you hide it well. Desperation is a stinky cologne my friend.

Это цитата сообщения Оригинальное сообщение

Цитата #405042



xxx: Нашла сто баксов в книжке про Будду. Господидобрыйбоженька, вот так надо работать с потенциальными клиентами.

http://bash.org.ru/quote/405042

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !

Цитата #404584

xxx: красные глазки — верный признак тлеющих в голове опилок.

First homework is like first woman, a lot of foreplay but almost none of the action.

http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/14/good-night-and-tough-luck/?th&emc=th

AAA, n., obsolete. A rhetorical device used to dupe buyers into purchasing securities backed by shacks dressed as houses, and to secure the highest possible spot in telephone directories. Common usage: AAA Septic Drainage and Mortgage Backed Security Services.

ADVERSE FEEDBACK LOOP, n. See FEEDBACK LOOP.

BAILOUT, n. First known use: Noah. Novel regressive taxation scheme whereby vast sums of capital are transferred from those citizens who didn't participate in the illusory Bacchanalia of the housing bubble to those who did and weren't clever enough to get out in time.

BANK, GOOD, n., archaic. Sober, conservative, risk-averse institutions designed to midwife customers' capital and enable prudent lending to deserving businesses and consumers. See Capra, F., the Bailey Building & Loan Association.

BANK, BAD, n. 1. Everyone else. 2. Especially Goldman Sachs.

BANK FAILURE, n. 1. A process by which towns across America are denuded of their feckless local bankers, paving a way into the market for feckless private-equity investors. 2. An increasingly common Twitter tag that spikes on Friday afternoons. See #bankfail, #wheresmymoney, #runitsthefdic.

BORROWERS, n. For liberals, the unwitting dupes of unscrupulous bankers and lenders whom one shouldn't blame for the crisis. For conservatives, irresponsible graspers with a credit-busting taste for cathedral-ceilinged entryways and 70-inch flat-screen televisions whom one should absolutely blame for the crisis.

CHRYSLER, v.t. To torch all pre-existing contractual obligations. Entered dialect after Truman's seizure of U.S. steel mills. Reference spotted in 1952 editions of obsolete periodical "Steel and Steelmen," under the "News You Can Smelt" section: "We just got Chryslered!"

CREDIT-DEFAULT SWAP, n. loose translation from the original Latin "ubi mel ibi apes," or "where there's honey there are bees." 1. A complex financial instrument vital to the functioning of a modern economy in the way it spreads risk among consenting parties. (Greenspan, A., pre-Sept. 2008.) 2. A complex financial instrument that nearly destroyed modern capitalism (Greenspan, A., post-Sept. 2008).

CREDIT LINE, n. A set amount of borrowed money available only to those who don't need it.

CREDIT-RATING FIRMS, n. Firms that do scant rating of people with scant credit.

DEFICIT, n. For the party in power, at worst a minor irritant and at best a precondition for economic growth. For the minority, the gravest threat to the stability of the Republic.

DEFLATION, n. The state of being when confronting unified theories of the financial crisis with grand names -- The Great Contraction, The End to Moderation, The Bubble Era -- that don't, in fact, explain much more than our continuing inability to agree why we are in such a deep hole.

FEEDBACK LOOP, n. Process by which the significance of an event is amplified by constant repetition. Orig: CNBC. See ADVERSE FEEDBACK LOOP.

GREEN SHOOTS, n. 1. The first signs of spring, often clobbered by summer's heat and autumn's rain. 2. A sign the economy is falling apart more slowly than previously thought. Related: DAISIES, PUSHING UP. See also THINKING, WISHFUL.

LIGHT TOUCH, n., obsolete. Theory of regulation in which financial companies recycle profits to lawmakers as campaign contributions, prompting them to relax the rules until the banks inevitably mess it up, at which point the dominant theory switches to "heavy hand," prompting years of economic contraction and the cycle to repeat.

PPIP, or PUBLIC-PRIVATE INVESTMENT PARTNERSHIP, v.t. Orig: Gladys Knight. To use a form of hypnotism in which merely saying you intend to fix a problem has the effect of making everyone forget about the problem. Usage: "We really peepipped Congress on those AIG bonuses." See ASSETS, TOXIC.

QUANTITATIVE EASING, n. A regulatory approach based on the point in Western movies when the sheriff, having fired all available bullets, in an act of final desperation throws his gun at the bad guys. See also INFLATION, HYPER.

RESET, v.t. A process by which an initial expectation is altered to another expectation, as in mortgage payments, or deficits or personal fulfillment. As in, "I have reset my views of financial regulation."

RISK MANAGEMENT, n. Until recently, the process by which banks make giant bets with other people's money before persuading someone else to take the fall. Currently known as "federal supervision."

SECURED CREDITORS, n. In modern American capitalism, the parties last in line for repayment after a company's failure. The others in line include the government, unions, sundry suppliers, friends of the union, friends of the government, unsecured creditors and people vaguely familiar with the matter.

STIMULUS, n. An indeterminate sum of taxpayer money used to generate violent debate. Previously known as "government spending."

STRESS TEST, n. 1. A measure of arterial blood flow to the head. 2. Alchemic process by which struggling, undercapitalized banks are Читать далее...

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Дожилась



Старость Мудрость - это когда по любому поводу тебе есть что рассказать и вспомнить )))

[437x699]

Знание опасно. Особенно, знание опасно в неумелых руках. Это хуже атомной войны. Так как, война случилась и ты сидишь и разгребаешь. А так, каждый день что-то новое накладывается на грфик рагрёба предыдущих войн ...

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man
Date: 2007-02-15, 9:08AM PST

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man
1. Don't pick on the weak. It's immoral. Don't antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.
2. Don't hate women. It's a waste of time
3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.
4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.
5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don't join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people's economic or political interests.
6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent's intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.
7. Don't be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don't be a "conservative". They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they're perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you'll see what I mean.
8. Don't take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don't want to come off as cynical.
9. You'll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don't owe the vast majority of people shit.
10. Don't undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement's primary purpose is to suppress you.
11. As a young man, you're on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women's Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.
12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.
13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.
14. Don't be afraid to tell people to "Fuck off" when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.
15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don't just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you'll find your wife fucking somebody else.
16. Keep fit.
17. Don't speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she's wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you'll take her part.
18. Don't cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don't humiliate her. Don't risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don't do it where you live. Don't do it with people in your social circle. Don't shit in your own back yard.
19. If your girlfriend doesn't make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That's what girlfriends are for.
20. Don't bother with "emotional affairs." They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That's the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they're probably fucking someone else.
21. Becoming a woman's friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven't gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won't ever get her. She'll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she's having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women.
23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You're going to see some girl and feel like you'll die if you don't get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It's her loss.
24. Don't be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don't need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women's photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young "women" seeking NSA sex, and asking Читать далее...