УРЯ! Я получила письмо... я встретила своего таинственного собеседника вчера вечером, он собирался уходить, но не ушел!!! Мы очень мило поболтали, хотя сначала разговор не очень клеился... Но сама напортачила... но мне кажется, что я все исправила! :) А вчера он не написал, потому что у него траблы какие-то с моим адресом были, а не то, что я подумала! И сейчас я совсем чокнулась! Хотя этим окружающих моих трудно удивить! :D
И теперь я не знаю, что мне делать... хотя это и недивительно... пойду поработаю, приведу себя в состояние вменяемости... и что-нить придумаю! :) :) :)

Почему же я так глупа и наивна!? С чего бы ему мне писать? Кто я в
жизни его?... никто, просто гость очередной, который нагло входит, не
вытерев обувь перед порогом... даже не лицо, не образ, не голос, а
лишь редкие строки на экране монитора... Можно и не читать, да не
обращать внимания... так зачем же думаешь о нем? Не знаю....сердце
бьется, то сильней, а то чуть более медленно, и почту проверяешь через
каждые 10 минут... а вдруг?... хотя все это чушь!.... прости меня за
то, что маленькое глупое сердце строит очередной замок грез...

Ой! Снова понедельник! На работе КАРАУЛ!!!... репрессиии, даже бигбосс не пошел в отпуск и сейчас припреться, МЛИН!... и тем не менее настроение лучезарное.... постоянно пытаюсь с себя снять так называемую дурацкую улыбку... нечего не получается, кто же виноват, что я влюбилась как в первом классе... да еще сразу в двоих людей!... я запуталась и не знаю, что же мне делать?... плыть по течению? против него? или все-таки самой выбрать русло или берег, которому прибиться... я не знаю???... И все равно мне так хорошо на душе... и так светло... замечательное детство, когда тебе даруется все это бесплатно и так печально что этот дар размениваем мы по мелочам.... Я рада снова увидеть свет в своей еще вчерашней тьме кромешной... Спасибо вам мои любимые! :) :) :)

И все таки я очень рада, что настроение переменилось... поменяла дизайн дневника и меня теперь все очень радует! Наверное, я влюблена...




Мне Золото прислал свой голос! Я счастлива! Я его люблю! Он Душка! Он СУПЕР! У него такой нежный голос! Как жаль, что нас разделют так много километров! :( Но это не мешает ему быть самым ХОРОШИМ ЧЕЛОВЕКОМ!!!!

Сегодня к нам приезжала Тамит!... вернее, она приезжала за зарплатой, а так в законном отпуске, готовится к экзаменам.... но ей не удалось избежать соблазна и не зайти к нам... я сразу же встретила около кассы и потом она не успела и законный обед провела со мной! :)
Я успела поделиться всеми вестями, новостями и эмоциями.... правда, мне кажется, она далеко отсюда, но по крайней мере сделала вид, что слушает и в нужных местах кивала... хотя час назад мне так не казалось, просто после опьянения приходит похмелье... сейчас, сижу и думаю, а чем больше думаю, тем больше ужасаюсь... что я наговорила???... зачем?... хотя, раз сказала, значит так надо... на этой мысли я пожалуй успокоюсь и пойду работать! ;)

Я твой рассвет, твоя весна и лето
Я твой рассвет, твоя весна и лето
Я шорох трав и нежный звон ручья,
Я твой цветок в твоих руках согретый
Ты береги пожалуйста меня

Захочешь буду каплей дождевою
Тебе в окошко ночью постучу.
Захочешь буду ивой над рекою
И в воду нежно ветви опущу

И если ты другую встретишь где то,
И будет та красивей и нежней
Растаю я, как звёзды в час рассвета,
Лишившаяся права быть твоей

Вы недолюбливаете людей, предпочитая одиночество и тишину. Вы одарены специфическим чувством юмора--довольно мрачным, надо сказать. Но зато у Вас есть своё очарование, и этого у Вас не отнимешь.

Как не странно, но я согласна... и друзья тоже потвердили... о! ночь! ты прекрасна!

Балалайка. Несмотря на кажущуюся простоту и смешную фамилию, вы человек с большими возможностями. В жизни оперируете тремя понятиями: первым, вторым и третьим. Ваша любимая геометрическая фигура - треугольник. Так сложилось исторически, что вам часто приходится общаться с иностранцами. Вы, в какой-то степени, символ. Хорошо это или плохо - об этом лучше не задумываться.

Недавно я переживала... где-то месяца два назад, что я одинока и никому не нужна... и вот жалела себя и стоило кому-то обратить на меня внимание как я сразу обрушивала свой нераскрытый потенциал нериализованных желаний... все заканчивалась быстро.. или человек пугался... или я пугалась себя и уходила в тень... Потом как-то встретила в чате человека... общались мало, но показался таким родным! :) Я нечего не говоила, но он намного старше меня и все понял сам! Он поддержал меня, благодаря ему я не впала безисходный депресняк и посеял мне добро и веру... хотя в моей душе куча сорняков, но все равно пока они не могут победить... и мне кажется, что постепенно мое мировоззрение меняется... он также написал мне четыре строчки, которые помогают мне в трудную минуту!

Надежда, ты оглянись вокруг-
Ведь где-то есть твой верный друг!
Твоя защита, рыцарь верный твой!
Увидишь- так хватай, глаза не врут.

И может эти строки не гениальны, но они явились тем бальзамом, которые пролился на мое израненное сердце...

P.S. Да, к слову... свою любовь он нашел в 30 с лишним лет и увидел ее после 2 лет знакомства... и поверьте, я уверена, что этот человек СЧАСТЛИВ!

Название Kurt Cobain Murdered
Автор Ian Halperin
Издание Canadian Disk: Canada's Only [Compact] Review
Дата June
Заметки © Ian Halperin

Two days after the body of Kurt Cobain was found at his Madrona, Washington home, Courtney Love showed up at a vigil for her dead husband at a Seattle park and declared his death a tragic suicide. On a tape, she read excerpts from the note reportedly found beside his body to the 7,000 fans gathered to mourn the death of their hero. Media and police reports were already describing his "self-inflicted" gunshot wounds. Case closed. But, in a joint investigation with Ottawa's alternative radio station CKCU-FM, Canadian Disk has discovered many doubts about the suicide theory by those close to the case, a number harges that Cobain was actually murdered. The mystery begins on April 1, 1994 - a week before Cobain's body was found. On that day, he disappeared from a Los Angeles drug detoxication centre after telling the staff he was going outside for a cigarette.

When Courtney Love was informed of her husband's disappearance, she immediately cancelled his credit cards and hired the well-known Los Angeles private investigator Tom Grant to track down Cobain. Meanwhile, Cobain flew to Seattle and returned briefly to his Madrona home before disappearing again for the last time before his body was found in a room above the garage by an electrician on April 8. Beside the body was a shotgun and what was assumed to be a suicide note. Within hours, the world was told that the angst-ridden voice of a generation had taken a shotgun, placed it to his head and pulled the trigger. Copycat suicides by mournful fans were reported all over the world. Psychologists were trotted out by the media to explain the underlying motives for such an act.

Despite the open-and-shut case portrayed by the media, however, Seattle Police department investigators called to the scene were apparently not so convinced it was a suicide. The investigation was assigned to the Homicide Squad, who were reluctant to close then book on the case. For the next five weeks, an intensive investigation took place by homicide detectives who interviewed everybody remotely connected to Cobain, including friends, family and even his heroin dealer. Only in May did the Department officially close the case and declare the death a suicide. Homicide Squad Sergeant Don Cameron, the investigating detective, told Canadian Disk the department wanted to be extra cautious because of the high profile of the case. "We looked at everything," he said, "and there was no doubt it was suicide". According to a source in the department, there was a fierce debate within the department about the possibility of murder. It's likely the lack of consensus was caused by a number of still unexplained events surrounding the death.

The most puzzling of these concerns Cobain's credit card transactions. After Love cancelled her husband's credit card on April 1, his bank reports a number of attempts to use the card during the following week. Several rejected charges ranging from $86.60 to $5,000 are reported on April 3rd and 4th, during the period when Cobain was missing but still alive. The Medical Examiner report states Cobain died on April 6. However, there are at least two attempted charges on the credit card after this date. Why? Cameron said police still don't know who was trying to use Cobain's credit card for days after he died.

A good part of the investigation is said to have focused on Courtney Love, although Cameron insists she wasn't a suspect. A heroin addict and former stripper known to be highly unstable, Love's relationship with Cobain was extremely stormy and had attracted the attention of police in the past.

On March 18, for example, Love called the police to report that her husband was armed and suicidal after he locked himself in a room with a gun at their home. But when police arrived, Cobain claimed he was hiding from Love and had locked himself in to protect himself. A number of witnesses have also reported heated public quarrels between Cobain and Love in the weeks before his death. The most public break from the official version, however, comes from Tom Grant, the Beverly Hills private investigator Love hired to track the missing Cobain. Grant says after his investigation, he became convinced Cobain's death wasn't a suicide. He says he analysed the note found besides Cobain's body and concluded that it is not a suicide note at all but rather a message to fans that he was withdrawing from the music industry - not from life. Grant says when he enlared the note, he discovered a line at the bottom was written by someone else.

The last paragraph of Cobain's note reads, "I'm too much of an erratic, moody person that I don't have the passion any more. So remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, love and empathy, Kurt Cobain." Grant, who worked for seven years as an LA County Sheriff's deputy Читать далее...

Название Never Mind
Автор Bruce Handy
Издание TIME Domestic
Дата April 18, 1994 Volume 143, No. 16
Заметки

Kurt Cobain was the dour, brilliant leader of Nirvana, the multiplatinum grunge band that defined the sound of the 1990's. Last week he killed himself.

TIME Domestic April 18, 1994 Volume 143, No. 16
By Bruce Handy Reported by Lisa McLaughlin/New York, Jeffrey Ressner/Los Angeles and Dave Thompson/Seattle

The last weeks of Kurt Cobain's life were filled with turmoil and anguish - and gossip. Rumors floated through the music industry that the singer-songwriter's band, Nirvana, was breaking up; that Cobain, who had survived a tranquilizer-induced coma just six weeks earlier, had suffered another overdose. The stories seemed to be justified when the group unexpectedly backed out of headlining the Lollapalooza tour this summer.

The truth, it turns out, was that Cobain, who claimed to have overcome an addiction to heroin, was indeed abusing unspecified drugs. A record-industry source told TIME that two weeks ago Cobain's wife Courtney Love, front woman for the group Hole, gathered doctors and friends together in Seattle, the couple's home, to try to scare Cobain into dealing with his problem; Nirvana's managers even threatened to drop Cobain from their roster unless he got cleaned up. The intervention seemed to work, for Cobain checked into a California treatment center. But according to a missing-persons report filed by his mother, he fled early last week. Seattle police periodically checked Cobain's house, finding no traces of the singer.

Last Friday, an electrician visited the house to install a security system. When no one answered the front door, he walked around the house, peering through windows. He thought he saw a mannequin sprawled on the floor, until he noticed a splotch of blood by its ear. When police and the coroner broke down the door, they found Cobain dead on the floor, a shotgun still pointed at his chin and, on a nearby counter, a suicide note penned in red ink, reportedly ending with the words "I love you, I love you", addressed, a source said, to Love and the couple's 19-month-old daughter Frances Bean.

Kurt Cobain, dead at 27. The news came as a shock to millions of rock fans, and MTV pre-empted its usual programming for hours of J.F.K.-like mourning, with a somber Kurt Loder playing the Walter Cronkite role. Given Cobain's talent and influence, however, the reaction was understandable. Nirvana came from the music-industry equivalent of nowhere, with a rough-edged first album recorded for a chiselly $606. The next, Nevermind, released 2? years ago, contained a series of crunching, screaming songs that also had catchy melodies, part punk, part Beatles. Selling almost 10 million copies and knocking Michael Jackson's Dangerous from the top of the charts, the album fibrillated the psyche of a generation. It also launched the commercial vogue for grunge and made Seattle famous for something other than cappuccino, rain and bad professional sports. Before long, equally abrasive Seattle groups like Pearl Jam (a Nirvana rival), Mudhoney and Alice in Chains joined Nirvana high on the charts. The New Liverpool, Rolling Stone called the city in early 1992 (launching searches for the New Seattle).

Cobain was at the center of it all, the John Lennon of the swinging Northwest, a songwriter with a gift for searing lyrics as well as seductive hooks, a performer with a play of facial еxprеssiоns so edgy and complicated that they rivaled Jack Nicholson's.

If the loss of an oddly magnetic, brilliant musician was jolting, though, the manner of his death was not entirely unexpected. Cobain spoke so openly on the subjects of drugs and depression and suicide that writers searching for easy obituary ironies didn't have to look very hard. Cobain himself even began joking about it; a song called I Hate Myself and I Want to Die was recorded but dropped from the last album. "It was totally satirical, making fun of ourselves", Cobain told a reporter earlier this year. "I'm thought of as this pissy, complaining, freaked-out schizophrenic who wants to kill himself all the time. I thought it was a funny title."

Love, an alternative-rock star in her own right, was in Los Angeles at the time of Cobain's death but reportedly flew to Seattle Friday morning. While talking to the pop-music critic Robert Hilburn of the Los Angeles Times early last week, Love broke into tears describing her husband's recently fragile condition. "I just don't ever want to see him on the floor like that again. He was blue", she told Hilburn, recalling Cobain's overdose in Rome last month. "I thought I went through a lot of hard times over the years, but this has been the hardest." A source who had been close to Cobain confirms what now seems obvious: the European incident, labeled an accident at the time, was an unsuccessful suicide attempt. "You don't take 50 pills by accident", notes the source. Читать далее...

Название Cobain to Fans: Just Say No; Nirvana's New Father Addresses Drug Use
Автор Robert Hilburn
Издание Los Angeles Times
Дата September 21, 1992
Заметки © The Times Mirror Company

Copyright © 1992 The Times Mirror Company
Los Angeles Times
September 21, 1992, Monday, Home Edition
Section: Calendar; Page: F-1
Byline: Robert Hilburn; Times Pop Music Critic


"I don't want my daughter to grow up and someday be hassled by kids at school... I don't want people telling her that her parents were junkies."

Kurt Cobain, the 25-year-old leader of the acclaimed and hugely successful rock group Nirvana, is sitting in the living room of his Hollywood Hills apartment, holding Frances, his and Courtney Love's 4-week-old baby.

It's Cobain's first formal interview in almost a year, and it takes time to open up.

A shy, sensitive man, he speaks easily about his daughter, but there's one thing he's uncomfortable talking about even though he knows he has to.

Nirvana is the hottest new band to come along in years, and several of the articles on the group have speculated about Cobain's alleged drug use.

He now admits that he's used drugs, including heroin, but never as much as has been rumored or reported in the rock press. He also says in a quiet, but forceful way, that he is now drug-free.

"There's nothing better than having a baby", says Cobain disarmingly. "I've always loved children. I used to work summers at the YMCA and be in charge of like 30 preschool kids."

"I knew that when I had a child, I'd be overwhelmed and it's true... I can't tell you how much my attitude has changed since we've got Frances. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world."

Yet Cobain, whose music speaks eloquently about the anger and alienation of youth, worries that the persistent rumors are threatening to turn him into a stereotype of a wasted rock 'n' roller. He also doesn't want to be a bad role model for the group's teen-age fans.

He knows some people won't believe him when he says drugs are no longer part of his life, but he still feels compelled to speak out.

"I would say I tried to set the record straight", he says, when asked how he'd respond to someone who questions his sincerity. "That's all I can do. We have a lot of young fans and I don't want to have anything to do with inciting drug use. People who promote drug use are (expletive). I chose to do drugs. I don't feel sorry for myself at all, but I have nothing good to say about them. They are a total waste of time."

If you watched the recent MTV Video Awards and didn't know much about Nirvana and all the drug rumors, you would have been puzzled when Cobain looked into the camera after accepting a best new artist award and said, "It's really hard to believe everything you read."

But it was no mystery to the millions of fans who have either bought Nirvana's debut album, "Nevermind", or have fallen under the spell of "Smells Like Teen Spirit", the band's wry hit single. They thought they knew exactly what he was talking about: the heroin rumors.

While his wife--leader of the band Hole--watches a tape of the MTV Awards show in an adjoining room, Cobain, wearing a T-shirt and jeans, talks at length about what he only alluded to during the MTV telecast.

"I've been accused of being a junkie for years... back way before 'Nevermind'", he says, his face tense as he wrestles with the subject. "I know that a lot of it has to do with the vibes that I put off... the things I'd be doing during tours... backstage when writers would come in to see us.

"I've had this terrible stomach problem for years and that has made touring difficult. People would see me sitting in the corner by myself looking sick and gloomy. The reason is that I was trying to fight against the stomach pain, trying to hold my food down. People looked at me and assumed I was some kind of addict."

The continuing stomach problem--which he says doctors have been unable to diagnose--is aggravated by stress and bad eating habits on the road. This is a central reason Nirvana has done so little touring in recent months, he says.

On the issue of drugs, he says he "dabbled" with heroin for several years, defining "dabble" as maybe once or twice a year.

"It didn't bother me at first (when people started talking or writing about possible drug use) because I've always admired Keith Richards and all these other rock stars who were associated with heroin. There had been some type of glamour element to it."

The "dabbling", however, changed dramatically after the "Nevermind" album was released last fall.

Until that album, Nirvana was an underground group--one of many admired bands from the suddenly hot Seattle alternative-rock scene.

Formed in 1986, the trio--also now featuring bassist Chris Novoselic and drummer Dave Grohl--combined punk independence and energy with a melodic pop sense that at times is reminiscent of the Beatles, which was Читать далее...

Oh, come on - mmm...

Now I wanna - smoke marijiuna
Now I wanna - smoke marijiuna
Now I wanna - smoke marijiuna

Fake club soda - extra free
Just got to pour - keep up for me
Fake club soda - extra free
Just got to pour - keep up for me