Привествую всех!!!
Особые приетствиа Децлу, Веринее и Рускому Саше!!!

Наконецто получил свои веши, включая компутер, так што теперь буду появлятся чаще.

Ну што сказать? Лос Ангелес есчё большая дерёвня чем Нью Ёрк...
Холивуд булвард по вечерам а real freak show, даже если сравнивать с нью ёркским виладжем.
Пляжы красивые, а вода ледяная...
Жыву в настоящей пустыне, но в 12 милях от океана (Смешно да :) и в 15 минутах от центра лос Ангелеса..., все вызжено, высушеная коричневая трава клочками покрывает песчаные горы, на которых изредка встречаются зелёные точки отдельных деревьев... Если неполивать, нерастут даже кактусы... Какието нефтяные вышки за углом от дома (работающие, нефть блин добывают... тоже мне место нашли :))...
С тех пор как приехал, ниодново дня температура небыла меньше 100 градусов... Вобщем весело...
Месяц жыл без холодильника, так што пиво в басейне охлаждал... По такой жаре, как вы сами понимаете ничево кроме холодново пива нелезет...
Спросил кокда дождь будет :) Сказали што может быть в январе :) а может и нет... :)
А больше всево скучаю по Итальянской еде. Кто жывёт в нью ёрке или в нью джерси знает сколько тама итальянских ресторанов...
Тута их толком вообще нету... А то што есть - приготовлено такими же итальянцами как и я... Ну не ядовито конечно, но близко... Но когда в приличном итальянском ресторане подают Калифорнийское вино :) то ето предел, даже не для слабоневных :) (Не то што я нелюблю калифорнийские вина, даже наоборот, просто смешно смотрится)... Да и вообще еда тута в среднем намного хуже чем в Нью Джерси или Нью Ёрке..., ну заисключением мексиканской конечно же.
То што тут называют нью ёркская пица, в нью ёрке называлась кусок картона с кетчупом и машинным маслом ...
Вообщем весело...
Друзей или даже знакомых нету... Никово незнаю... Сам по себе дичаю...

Hello All!!!

I am back, on the "left" side of the country, this time...
What a change... And I thought that summers in NY/NJ were hot... How wrong was I :)
As soon as I am done with logistics of the move, I should be more available for everyday stuff...

Sasha, I'll be in touch in a few.

Anyone else from the left coast here?

1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago.
5. Make them apologize for everything.
6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile.
9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.
10. Cry.
11. Get mad at them for everything.
12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
13. Hold grudges.
14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.
15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess."
17. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.
18. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24- 7. Compare and contrast.
19. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.
20. Cry.
21. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
22. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i. e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library. . . for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
23. Fall for your FAC.
24. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
25. Correct their grammar.
26. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister.
27. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
28. Leave out the good parts in stories.
29. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.
30. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
31. Cry.
32. Declare that you are not wacko.
33. Criticize the way they dress.
34. Criticize the music they listen to.
35. Criticize their hair.
36. Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.
37. Try to change them.
38. Try to mold them.
39. Try to get them to dance.
40. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
41. When they screw up, never let them forget it.
42. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.
43. Blame everything on PMS.
44. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
45. Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"
46. Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.
47. Read into everything.
48. Over-analyze everything.
49. Cry.
50. Make it your goal to make THEM cry.

The first rule of the internet is "There is no anonymity". This is an absolute, unbreakable rule that has been true every since the internet started functioning. The only anonymity provided by the internet occurs when humans are lax and discard or fail to keep records.

The moment you connected to this website the webserver logged your unique internet protocol address which is given to every device that's connected to the internet (in fact its impossible to use the internet without an IP address). The website immediately knows which ISP you used to connect to the internet and given the IP address, your ISP can track that address directly to your computer.

If you use a terminal at a library they know which terminal and security cameras can provide a photo, face recognition systems can match that photo to your drivers license.

Every email you send has your IP address attached to it -- by the email servers themselves. There have been a few (unconfirmed of course) reports that every single email and newsgroup posting is being monitored by the echelon tracing system set up by Australia, the UK, and the US. I don't think they can track all the in-country stuff (yet) but they can for sure track all the international stuff.

Every usenet newsgroup you post to has your IP address recorded (although most servers will encode the IP address nowadays so that the server admins can find your IP, but not the people who read the newsgroups). Most Western servers, that is.

Most people "fly under the radar" but if someone REALLY wants to know who you are, you can be found out, and found out far easier than you would ever dream of.

The bottomline is anyone, even the complete idiot, would be able to find out everything about you, even the good stuff that your mom doesn’t know about you.

Всё, довёл я чувачка до ручки.

Обвинил меня в своём последнем коментарии и ущел. Говорит што навсегда, а сам наверняка уже создал другой ник и поглядывает што происходит. Неразрешает мне ни коментариев у нево в дневнике оставлять, ни почту ему посылать.
Ну, пошутил я, люблю я ето дело.
Кинул идею дуракам што рыскин тёлка, а они накинулись на нево как волки. А как началось, так уж непотушыть было.
Всем оффициально говорю, што рыскин мужык, натуре мужык.
Да и вообще ево ето дело чем он занимается в своё свободное время, кому ненравится, можете нечитать чаво он пишет.

а рыскину совет, перестать ломаться как баба, тогда и никто в ево поле сомневаться небудет.

Привет Everyone.

Пару дней назад после почти двухмесячново перерыва починили мой старый дневник, ЕddieUSA.
Я перебираюсь туда назад.
Етот закрываю.
Надеюсь што увижы вас там.
До встречи.
Ед

What Is Wrong With This Picture?

Here are the facts:

Saddam is gone and nobody is crying.

Osama and Yassir are Missing-In-Action and who really cares?

Peace is coming to the Near East.

The US controls the second largest supply of world oil.

N. Korea and Iran know they are next.

France and Germany are trying to make nice.

The US has more world respect than it has had in years.

Democrats have no candidate and nothing to say.

The DOW is up over 100 points again today.

I see very little wrong with this picture :)

As pretty much everyone knows, "Living History" a book by Hillary Clinton (or more accurately three authors who actually wrote it) is coming out in a few days...

In case anyone is actually concidering spending $28 on it, I think you might want to reconsider. Just to give you a heads up, here is a top ten stunning revelations from the book:

10. 'As a wife, I wanted to wring Bill's neck.' (after I become President)

9. 'If that nitwit Barbara Striesand ever expects to be allowed to show up any place I happen to be, after pratically ruining my marriage, she's going to have to agree to beaqueth the Malibu mansion to Chelsea'

8. 'My decision to run for a Senate seat provided a healing bridge for me, It was also a good thing because I am a Power Mad Witch.'

7. 'While we were fighting, I slept upstairs, he slept downstairs. And I made him promise -No more Ho's in the White House!'

6. 'All I can do is repeat the truth, Bill and I were victims of a vast right wing conspiracy masterminded by Ricard Mellon Scaife, Ken Starr, and John Cougar Mellancamp.'

5. 'Up until the confession, I believed my husband was being railroaded.' (it such a better story than to pretend that Monica was the first and last time)

4. 'I believe there is more interest in my daughter Chelsea than there ever was in JFK Jr. and know of no reason why she should not run for President n 2016.'

3.'So my husband and I ripped off a bunch of stuff from the White House, so what? I'm running in 2008 and coming back so it really is our house and our furniture anyway.'

2. 'Ill never understand what Bill saw in Monica, Im so much more sexy and better looking.'

1.' When I run for President if you don't vote for me I'm going to start opening FBI files!"

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued ... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.

The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

As you probably guessed already, this is a joke :) Thought it was pretty funny though :)

Чевото последнее время на тесты потянуло...

Как щяс узнал я почти Ленин...

Сейчас взял какойто IQ test.(http://www.emode.com/tests/uiq/)
После 80 вопросов, картинок и всяких идиотских выборов што подходит или неподходит оказалось што у меня IQ 135 (средний 100) и што меньше чем 2.5% процента людей имеют IQ больше 130...

Интерэсно, интерэсно...
За ето надобы выпить :)
PS. Наверное я есчё больше зазнаюсь :) чем есть щяс

How moral are you?

What is your attitude to morals, sex and honesty?

The fascinating personality test below was written by a Sydney marriage expert who is a qualified psychologist. It began as a dinner party conversation gimmick, but it has been prepared in this form for readers to test themselves.

To do the "test" you must give your honest opinion about morals and honesty of the four characters in our story of Sherwood Forest. Forget any preconceived ideas you may about them - this is a different sort of story from all the others.

"The Sheriff of Nottingham captured Little John and Robin Hood and imprisoned them in his maximum-security dungeon. Maid Marion begged the Sheriff for their release, pleading her love for Robin. The Sheriff agreed to release them only if Maid Marion spent the night with him. To this she agreed.

The next morning the Sheriff released his prisoners. Robin at once demanded that Marion tell him how she persuaded the Sheriff to let them go free. Marion confessed the truth, and was bewildered when Robin abused her, calling her a slut, and saying that he never wanted to see her again. At this Little John defended her, inviting her to leave Sherwood with him and promising life-long devotion. She accepted and they rode away together."

Now in terms of realistic every-day standards of behavior, put Robin, Marion, Little John and the Sheriff in the order in which you consider they showed the most morality and honesty. There is no "right" answer, and the following is the psychologist's estimate of you for each of the 24 arrangements.






Don't scroll down until you have made your list.






DON'T CHEAT








ROBIN, MARION, SHERIFF, LITTLE JOHN:
You find it hard to accept the permissive attitudes of others, or to convince them of the validity of your own standards. You are not disposed to trust people and do not have a very happy life.
(Men) To you "love" involves sex and duty, rather than charity and forgiveness.
(Women) You blame men for much of the unhappiness in your life.

ROBIN, MARION, LITTLE JOHN, SHERIFF:
Your philosophy of life is a sad hotchpotch of the conventions of society, your own convictions and romanticism. You are not unkind, only staid and unimaginative.
(Men) You see a woman as weak but desirable.
(Women) Your resent the arrogance of men.

ROBIN, SHERIFF, MARION, LITTLE JOHN:
(Men) We think you are unhappy, although you probably will not admit it. As a ruthless authoritarian you are as moral as it suits you and no more. You do not apply the same rules to men as you do to women.
(Women) How worthless you seem to think women are.

ROBIN, LITTLE JOHN, MARION, SHERIFF:
You are a moralist with conventional ideas, which some people would call old-fashioned.
(Men) You probably consider yourself a fair-minded man in a world which falls badly below your standards. Your inhibitions and sense of guilt are in the way of your happiness.
(Women) Unlucky in love? Perhaps you hope for too much in a man. Be a realist, not a romantic.

ROBIN, LITTLE JOHN, SHERIFF, MARION:
You are conventional and puritanical.
(Men) You moralize and see women as a great conspiracy against man, with sex as their principal weapon. You are missing a great deal in life.
(Women) Your parents probably played a big part in the formation of such a guilt complex as yours. Your mind is in chains and it's time you did something to free it.

LITTLE JOHN, ROBIN, SHERIFF, MARION:
You are not easy to assess. Basically you are ruled by an inferiority complex and feelings of insecurity. How do you present yourself to the world? An idealist, a moralist, a conformist keeping up with Jones's?
(Men) Your conflicting views on sex and morality may lead to every sort sexual problem. You have always feared women, probably starting with your mother.
(Women) It is a shame you have not accepted the ideal of woman as the equal (and sometimes stronger) partner of man.

LITTLE JOHN, MARION, ROBIN, SHERIFF:
You are fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably contented. You value kindness greatly and try to live by your ideals. You do not conceal from yourself, or from others, you strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material.
(Men) Perhaps you tend to idealize women and credit them with virtues they don't possess.
(Women) Your experiences of men have not all been happy, perhaps because you hope for a little too much?

LITTLE JOHN, MARION, SHERIFF, ROBIN:
You are the slightly romantic realist. You respect truth, and are broadminded and flexible. Whether you are a man or a woman you are probably a happy person. You like people and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

LITTLE JOHN, SHERIFF, MARION, ROBIN:
You too, believe that morality is another word for common-sense and suitability, and not something which is universally valid or a Читать далее...

AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Included

BMW - Big Money Waster

BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer

CADILLAC - Can't Always Drive In Lanes Like Another Car

CHEVROLET - Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Valves Rap On Long
Extended Trips
- Cracked Heads, Every Valve's Rotten, Oil Leaks
Every Time

DODGE - Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
- Fix it again, Tony!

FORD - First On Recall Day
- Found On Road, Dead

GM - Great Mistake

GMC - Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA - Had One, Never Did Again

HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And
Inexpensive...

JEEP - Just Eats Every Part

MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MERCEDES - Men Express Really Crazy Egos Driving Expensive
Sedans

MG - Money Guzzler

OLDSMOBILE - Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of
Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PLYMOUTH - Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood

PONTIAC - Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE - Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense

SAAB - Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

SUBARU - (backwards) U-R-A-Bus

TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW - Virtually Worthless

Russia will "launch" a mock nuclear attack against the U.S. and Britain during military exercises over the next week.
Moscow's Nezavisimaya Gazeta reports that Russia's strategic bombers and nuclear submarines "will deliver hypothetical nuclear strikes on the U.S. and Britain, while locating and destroying aircraft-carrier groups of the U.S. Navy."
The massive air, sea and land maneuvers are being conducted in the wake of America's stunning victory over Iraq, a longtime client state of Russia.
If the mock strikes were real, they would kill 125 million Americans in the first three days of such an attack, with tens of millions more casualties in the weeks after.
The paper said the exercises are taking place because "Russian military leaders have learned a lesson from the Iraq war, and intend to show the U.S. and its allies their determination to repel any potential threat coming from the West."
The Russian military, in plans drawn up at the request of President Vladimir Putin, argues that the only way Russia can deal with an escalating regional conflict with the U.S. would be to employ nuclear weapons.
Though Russia's military has been considerably downsized since the end of the Cold War and its conventional forces hold little weight against a modern equipped army, Russia has continued to invest heavily in strategic and tactical nuclear weapons.
Sometime during the '90s, Russia attained nuclear superiority over the U.S. While Russia's large strategic nuclear weapons have remained in parity with the those of the U.S., Russia's tactical nuclear arsenal has been estimated to include 20,000 to 40,000 weapons.
At the same time Russia has continued its nuclear buildup, the U.S. has virtually destroyed its arsenal of tactical nuclear warheads. Under orders from the Bush administration, the U.S. also has been moving to further reduce the U.S. strategic arsenal. Currently, the nation's most modern fleet of ICBM, the MX missiles, is being destroyed.
The Russian military exercises show a desire by the Russian military to deal with the huge technological lead U.S. conventional forces have, demonstrated by Operation Iraqi Freedom.
According to Nezavisimaya Gazeta, the Russian exercises "will be linked with destroying the U.S. satellite group in order to neutralize the NAVSTAR global navigation system, the Keyhole optoelectronic intelligence satellites, and the Lacross radio-locating intelligence satellites."
The paper said about these maneuvers: "Under actual conditions of a war this would 'blind' the Pentagon and does not let the U.S. use high-precision weapons against Russian military groups."
So far, the exercises are to include Four Tu-160 and nine Tu-95MS strategic bombers, 12 Tu-22M3 long-range bombers, and four Il-78 flying tankers will be involved in the maneuvers on May 17-18.
The maneuvers are of a "global scale," the paper said.
Major-General Igor Khvorov, commander of the 37th air army of the High Commander-in-Chief, said that the official objective of the exercise is to polish cooperation between long-range aviation, the navy and other branches of the army in the western, eastern, northern and southern regions of the Russian Federation, and over the world's oceans. This emphasizes the global scale of the impending maneuvers.
Submarines of the Northern and Pacific fleets will launch ballistic missiles. Nuclear strategic and multi-purpose submarines, surface warships of different types, coastal missile and anti-aircraft units, and the missile-carrying, pursuit and anti-submarine aviation will be involved in the exercise.
The paper also noted that Russian warships sent to the Arabian Sea to take part in an exercise with the Indian navy will support strategic units. They will find and destroy U.S. Los Angeles-class submarines and deliver missile strikes at enemy warships.

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story.

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.

When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

Kind Regards,

Britain's chancellor Gordon Brown has decided against adopting the euro in place of the venerable pound sterling, reports the BBC. The British government has not yet made an official announcement, but things are looking bad for the euro. England's imminent rejection of the euro may signal a turning point in the current war more decisive than the fall of Baghdad. Both the Axis of Evil and the Axis of Weasels have been plotting for years to replace the dollar with the euro as the world's new "petro" currency -- that is, the currency used by all countries to buy oil. Chancellor Gordon Brown may have delivered the coup de grace to their unwholesome ambitions.
The Liebermann Theory (for those who have not been following this story on RichardPoe.com, here's the short version): Most Americans believe (as do I) that the United States is fighting today primarily to avenge the 9-11 attack and to neutralize the perpetrators thereof. However, Ron Liebermann of LewRockwell.com suggests an alternate theory. He says we are fighting to protect the dollar from competition by the euro.
On the surface, Liebermann's theory seems to have merit. Saddam Hussein was rejecting dollars and accepting only euros in payment for petroleum, before his overthrow. Muslim activists have been pushing "euros-for-oil" as a key plank of their anti-American program. Euro-enthusiasts from Jordan to Russia have been mumbling quietly about the euro's possible emergence as the world's new petro-currency, prompting the British newspaper The Observer to ask: "So is the euro the missing link between the 'axis of evil' and the 'axis of weasel'?"
According to Liebermann, the U.S. felt so threatened by the euro juggernaut that we siezed on the first available excuse to wage all-out war on those euro-loving Arabs.
The problem with this theory, as was pointed out a few month ago, is that the euro is no juggernaut. It never presented a serious threat to the dollar. On the contrary, the introduction of the euro has pushed Europe into a continent-wide, economic meltdown (See November 4, 2002 blog entry, "Euro-Apocalypse," and the related discussion on the Poe Forum).
America had no need to make war on the euro. All we had to do was sit back and wait for it to self-destruct.
Whose Euro War?
In fact, it is the European Union -- not America -- which stood to gain by starting a Euro War.
Let us suppose that Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda are not the fanatical, highly-motivated, superbly-trained supermen our mass media have made them out to be. Let us suppose, instead, that they are exactly what they appear to be -- a scruffy band of hired assassins who take orders from someone else behind the scenes.
Now let us suppose that the European Union (perhaps in tandem with Russia and China) secretly arranged for Al Qaeda to carry out the 9-11 attacks, in a classic "false flag" operation.
The purpose of these attacks would be to spark an all-out war between the United States and the Muslim world. America would invade the Middle East and get bogged down in a Vietnam-style quagmire. The European Union would denounce the warmongering Americans. The Arabs, in gratitude to their European friends, would stop accepting dollars for oil and embrace the euro as their new "petro" currency.
And maybe -- just maybe -- Europe might escape the otherwise inevitable Euro-Apocalypse.
If indeed the EU was desperate and reckless enough to pursue such a plan, their hopes were dashed when America failed to get bogged down in a quagmire. It seems to me oddly coincidental that England would finally decide to reject the euro now, so soon after our victory in Iraq.

Something even I couldn't have predicted...

Норвежский парламентарий Ян Симонсен номинировал президента США Джорджа Буша и премьер-министра Великобритании Тони Блэра на Нобелевскую премию мира за войну в Ираке. Независимый депутат в норвежском парламенте Симонсен прокомментировал это событие и сказал, что иногда для предотвращения большой трагедии нужна маленькая и эффективная война. Он выразил уверенность, что в других странах парламентарии поддержат его инициативу.

Директор Нобелевского института Гейр Лундестад заявил, что в любом случае предложение Симонсена будет рассмотрено к 2004 г., так как срок подачи заявок на получение премии 2003 г. истек 1 февраля 2003 г.

Как пишет Газета.Ru, награждение Буша и Блэра, если оно состоится, станет поворотным моментом после того, как в 2002 г. премией мира был награжден бывший американский президент Джимми Картер.

Глава нобелевского комитета заявил, что такое выдвижение кандидатур Буша и Блэра является преклонением перед их политикой, которая прямо противоположна политике Картера по урегулировании конфликтов дипломатическими методами.

На премию мира 2003 г. номинировано 160 кандидатов, в том числе папа римский, ирландская рок-звезда Боно и кубинский диссидент Освальдо Пая.

For all the ladies who have asked, "What is marketing?", the following analogies will help clear it up...

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
- That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam.

WAKEHAM BAY, Canada---A team of explorers studying glacial formations stumbled upon one of the greatest archaeological discoveries of the new millenium -- a ninth-century Viking warrior encased in a thick wall of ice and showing no visible sign of deomposition! More incredibly still, researchers believe it may be possible to revive him!

"What we are about to attempt has never been tried before, but we firmly believe that with the technology available today, it will be possible to bring this man back to life with his mental faculties fully intact," declares lead scientist Dr. Nigel Hamm.

"The unique manner in which this Viking sailor has been preserved affords us an opportunity to conduct an extraordinary scientific experiment."

The frozen Norseman, who appears to have been about 25 years old when he died, was discovered inside a glacial cavern, 22 feet below the Earth's surface.

"I am still in a daze over this very amazing find," declares Dr. Hamm, head of a London-based geological society stationed in Greenland that specializes in Arctic study. "He's probably been there for the better part of 1,200 years, but looks like he could have died 20 minutes ago."

The bearded warrior is dressed appropriately for the frigid climate, wearing clothes and boots fashioned from thick fur.

He also sports a typical Viking horned cap and leather breast plate. A leather pouch strapped around his waist bulges outward suggesting it is full.

"At first we believed that it contained good-luck trinkets from home or perhaps some caribou jerky for the journey ahead," Dr. Hamm says. "But after consulting experts in Viking lore, we now believe that the man was probably carrying what people of his land believed were magic charms that could keep death at bay."

"Incredibly, they seem to have worked, because this Viking's in top-top shape. "It's uncanny -- it's like he's more in a state of suspended animation than truly dead."

It's believed that the short, stocky Norseman was a member of a Viking expedition who'd been sent from the ship on a hunting mission. "Probably a snow bridge he was walking on gave way and he tumbled through a crevasse into the cavern," the researcher says.

Viking artifacts have been found throughout Northern and Eastern Canada over the years. It is believed the Vikings used the frozen north as a winter base.

The Viking was discovered by the team's one female member, Dr. Daphne Meadows, who was conducting chemical tests in the cave.

"I was wandering through the cave, and I got separated from the other members of the team," recalls Dr. Meadows. "I had the strangest feeling that I was being watched as I was scraping samples off the cavern wall -- and when I looked behind me, there he was."

Dr. Meadows' screams alerted the rest of the team, who rushed to her aid. "We were worried that Dr. Meadows and had been hurt," explains Dr. Hamm. "You can imagine our relief when we saw that not only was she healthy, but she had made an amazing discovery, as well."

Plans are underway for the Viking, still encased in a block of ice, to be transported to London, where the attempt to revive him will be conducted at a cryonics research center in two weeks.

There, doctors say, he will be gradually thawed out over a period of hours and then resuscitated using a high-tech version of the defribrillator employed in hospital emergency rooms to jump-start hearts.

If the experiment suceeds, experts say there's no limit to what we might learn from speaking to a genuine Viking who lived centuries ago.

"We'll have to rewrite the history of the Nordic explorers," says Dr. Hamm.

"What's more, he may be able to tell us what he knows about the ancient Norse magic that helped to preserve him. It could revolutionize medicine as we know it."

Dear Abby:
I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel.

All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?

Signed, Worried About My Reputation

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.............

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

There are three religious truths:

A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters


Other questions;

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . .
they're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?