Ты говорил, а я молчала
Хоть ранили слова так метко

Ты уходил, я оставалась
В этом безумном мире, в клетке

Ты умолял, я отказала
Хоть так хотелось согласится

Сказал - прости, я попрощалась
А так хотелось помирится

Мы разные с тобой до боли
Когда я плачу, ты смеешся

Ты говоришь себе - посмотрим
А я то знаю - разойдемся

Судьба свела нас беспричинно
Расстанемся как два прохожих

Но ты любил, и я любила
И только в этом мы похожи.

так смешно, я ее выслушиваю ,даю ей советы, сочувствую, а сама - дура. Да хорошо сказать - забудь, прости и уйди. И звучит это вроде бы правильно, но сама то я не могу этим советам следовать. Если бы все можно было бы решить логическим путем, если бы была кака-то формула жизни и любви, тогда я бы смогла все вычеслить было бы так легко все и четко.
Я ей привела в пример себя,, как год назад я так была влюблена, но у меня было уважение к себе и я рассталась с ним только для себя. Как хорошо звучало, когда я говорила о том что сначало было больно, но я героически выдержала и не позвонила, и как все теперь классно. А не фига не классно! И я его до сих пор не забыла, и все еще больно, и если я его случайно втречу, то у меня не будет силы отказать.
зачем ко мне обращатся с советами? я сама ни черта не знаю и не понимаю. А кто понимает? Я не думаю что такие есть. Может есть те, которые врут самим себе или просто окружающим, что они знают куда катются и что им нужно. Но приходит время, когда ты понимаешь, что от тебя ничего не зависит, а любовь - это просто гормоны в крови, и становится жутковато.
А у него скоро день рождения, и я думаю, что просто позвоню ему и скажу приметивные поздравления, в надежде на то, что он попросит меня вернутся. А может будет все наоборот, может он меня и не узнает.
Эх, если бы только была формула........

я не могу понять как я даже допустила мысль о том чтобы переспать с ним. Я вообще совсем уже конченная! Я сообразила одну хорошую вещь, уж если ты на дне, то ты на дне до конца, по всем статьям. Пиздец, крыша едит неспеша, тихо шифером шурша.
А ребенок у него классный, скоро будет два года ему. И он его очень любит. А жена - стерва. Мне его жалко, но себя жальче. Одним словом - дура! Если бы он только перестал со своими намеками, все было бы классно. Так нет, надо всем своим видом показывать как много я могла бы ему дать. И эта противная, душераздерающая фраза: Если бы я только не был женат.......
Все проехали. Отбой!

П.С. может он разведется когда нибудь!?

I've been rejected today. It hurts like a bitch.
Tip for the future: stop fuckin around, cuz u r not the right player for this kind of game.
The little piece of me died today. The one, who was in love with u.
Goodbye.

da ya kogda-ta bila schastliva. seychas kazhetsya chot eto prosto prisnilos'. vse bilo davno i ne dolgo. ya verila chto mogu bit' schastliva. ya verila chto chernaya polosa zakonchilas' i nastupili svetliye dni. ya ulibalas'. ya ulibalas' tebe, tebe i tebe. menya ubivayet to, chto mne nuzhen bil ti , ti ili ti chtobi bit' schastlivoy. sama po sibe ya ne mogu radostno sushestvovat'. eto tak bol'no , kogda osoznayesh' chto tvoye schast'ye uhodit v dveri i ti ne mozhesh' eto kontrolirovat'. potomu chto ti ne mozhesh' kontrolirovat' postupki i misli drugih.
i kazhdiy raz schast'ye prihodit, mne vse trudnee v eto poverit' , potomu chto ya znayu chto skoro pridet razocharovaniye. chem men'she ya smogu lyubit' tem men'she obidi budet v moyey dushe kogda on uydet.
ya ih vseh lyubila. ya ne znayu za chto. ya ne znayu pochemu i zachem. prosto lyubila, mozhet tol'ko dlya sebya. chtobi pochuvstvovat' svoye serdce pod korkoy l'da narosshego na nem.
i kazhdogo ya perezhivayu izo dnya v den'. vse oni prinesli mne kusochek schast'ya, vse oni otkololi kusochek serdca, zabrali kosochek menya nastoyashey. a v zamenu nastoyashim kusochkam ya vkleila iskustvenniye, oni zakrivayut vse moi rani, vse obidi i vse treshini. oni maskiruyut moi nastoyashii chuvstva. zashishayut menya ot prokolov. skoro ya budu vsya sdelannaya iz etih kusochkov, i togda ya sama poteryayus' v nih, poteryayu nastoyashuyu sebya. mozhet eto i k lutshemu.
i ya znayu chto eto eshe ne konec, hotya chuvstvo chto eto on samiy. potom budut eshe. oni vse takiye razniye i v tozhe vremya takiye odinakoviye. ih budet bol'she, i vse povtoritsya, i budet bol'no i ya upadu i budu vstavat' eshe raz i eshe. i zalizivat' rani i idti vpered novaya k novim.
bol' = zhizn'
tak puskay budet bol'no!
otboy

why did u have to do this? why did u have to wake all my memories up? why did u have to remind me of all the good things the life could bring me one day? why? why did u just came up to me tonight and asked me for help, asked me to be ur friend again. I can't, i would love to try but i already know how it's goin to end up. And i dont have strength for heartbreakin anymore.
just stop being nice, stop being my friend and stop trying to act like eve4rythin is back to normal, cuz it's just not. At least not for me.
I still hate u with all my heart and it will never change.
YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!
i am lonely and i like it this way.

I'm sorry that i massed up ur life with my presence in it. I'm sorry for disturbing ur life with my kisses. I'm sorry for thinking about u every night. I'm sorry for trying to be good person just for u. I'm sorry for giving u everything u wanted. I'm sorry for making u happy. I'm sorry that u made me happy if only for a month. I'm sorry for always being there for u. I'm sorry for interrupting ur normal life. I'm sorry for being ur friend. i'm sorry for many other things that i felt but never showed. But mostly i'm sorry for loving u.
And u can ask me to dissapear from ur life and u can ask me to stop calling and coming. but u can never ask to forget u, because my love will never die and i will never forget the perfect life i had when we were together. I will never forget that feeling of happyness and joy and satisfaction with every breath i took, when u were with me.
I'm sorry.

They say everything happens for a reason. Then tell me what was the reason for you to leave me?
They say time heal your heart. Then tell me why am i still crying at night because u r not with me.
I believed that you are perfect and maybe you were , but i wasnt perfect enough for you. that's why you just used me and then dumped me like unwanted old toy.
I dont hate you for that. I dont hate you for anything, Im still in love. Im still waiting for the call.
Life is unfair and it proved that to me many times.
I want you back, but u cant get what you had back, because you cant have the past.
Still love you and still waiting. Please come back, please!!!

fuck you, you and you. Go away from my head. You are here , but im lonely, you're joking, but im not laughing. I'm so tired of those who use, i hate those who own, im mad at those who dont share.
So i say fuck it. Today is the same as tomorrow. I loved you yesterday night, but wont next morning. Forgive me for that. Unbelievably exuested, dont want to breathe. Tired of the presense of all of them in my head. Leave me alone. Every morning same face in the mirror different person. Love it when it hurts, hate it when u hurt me. Forget about us, it's gone. Never, remember. It flew away and wont come back. Shut up. Stop saying what i dont want to hear. Kill me and i will say thank you. Eyes r closing, the last minute of consionce and your face......i'm not going to miss you.

When the lights go out what are you left with? When everyone is gone and you are alone in the dark, what are you thinking about?
Is it a happy pink thoughts that somebody somehow will come and resque u? Is it an anger that slides through every pore of your body?
Is it a fear that it will never stop?
"Shut up, close your eyes and listen. I have something to tell you. You are not miserable when you are alone. You are strong and independent when you dont need anybody. You are beautiful when you dont change your looks just to satisfy people. You are the best person ever in this world when you dont think how to fit in."
Well, it's good for someone who has everything to say that. I, personally dont have a jack shit. I hate the world and i hate myself and nothing will change it. So when the lights go out and im alone all i can think about is revenge. For all those things that life did to me. I want to die and im not ashamed of it. But the new day comes and im still alive, still here, still breathing like never before.
I'm on my way there, just hold on for a little bit more and i will come.....
Lights out.

nichego uzhene ostalos', tol'ko vospominaniya. I ya hochu utonut' v nih, v tebe. Ya imela malo chego, no poteryala mnogo. Vse pusto. Ya eshe ne zabila kraski zhizni no s kazhdim dnem stanovitsya vse tyazhelee vostanavlivat' ih v svoyey golove. Ya ne lyubila nikogo iz nih, tol'ko sebya, i poetomu ya vizhila, no mne vse ravno bol'no. Pochemu? Ne znayu. Ne hochu znat'.
Ya lyubila sebya kogda-to, davno, ne pravda. Vse. Otboy. Vse sereet na glazah. Zakroy dver', ya ne hochu bol'she videt' svet.

oh! i dont know. its weird ... I have no clue. I never expected anything to go too far. I didnt feel weird today. We're friends, and if it becomes too much more ... then it could get screwed up. We fooled around, and you feel like it's "weird" I'm not sure cause I'm kinda "talkin" with Erin Doris

Colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.

Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.

You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective.


Your exact opposite:
The Dirty Little Secret

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master

The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.


"You're never truly single as long as you have yourself."

Brosayu kurit', i srochno. Eto vredit zdorov'yu! A yeshe u menya na rabote ochen' simpotniy mal'chik Cheppe, tak vot emu kuryashiye ne nravyatsya, A on takoy cute!!!!!
I'm a bad girl

Dear daddy,
You are a big peice of shit and i hate you. You ruined my life and now you expect me to love you? That's not how it works.I hate you and dont punish me for that. Dont expect from me to be a good daughter and to love you. Even if you changed now and became the best dad ever, i would still have an anger for you. I would still remember your lies, your abuses and your unfairness. You can go suck my dick. I cant wait to get out of this place and forget about you. Never see you again and never feel your anger ARE my biggest goals in life right now. I wish you were dead. Cuz if nothing changes the one who dies will be me and i want to live. Live the free life without you.
When u become older nobody will care, nobody will help you when u fall, cuz you are a selfish muther fucker who doesnt realize what he is all about. You can go to hell and take all your money with you. I dont need a penny from your mad ass. For now i have two words to say: FUCK YOU.
sincerely your dear daughter.

GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there was only today for me. Endless today, the size of life, the end of death. THis today brought tears, heartbreakings and hate. IT also brought some fresh flowers and smiles. But i will forget about that soon. I will only remember you. My first steps, your lieing smile and pain......Yes it wasnt a dream. I was there. It was me under your pressure. It was me, that drunk girl who was crying in the bathroom. It was me, who was left alone in the dark without any air. Cuz your love was an air for me. And now you are gone from my life. Every day i look in the mirror and see someone different. The old me is gone, and i dont know who the person is, on the other side of the mirror. I just wish that everything wouldnt be so difficult and complicated. I just wish i could want what i have. But it will never happen. I'm a trash and it wont change now. It's weird, how angels can fall from the sky, it happens fast and they cant go back. Well, i cant go back either. Im suck in this place between my desires and my real life. You messed up my life. I dont know why but i dont hate you. Everything happens for a reason. I believe there is a reason for my fall. I mean, there has to be one, i have to believe in it, otherwise i will go crazy....Oh wait, i already am.

Од наж ды он ска зал:
Твой по лет
Всего лишь
сон
И ты ле тать не стал
Стал так им,
как он.
И по зем ле
хо дить
Научил ся как
ре бе нок ты
Но все не мог
за быть
Той проз рач ной вы со ты.
И ле теть по бе ло му све ту
Став од ним дви же ни ем вет ра
Ле теть
куда- то вдаль.
И не ду мать,
Как призем лить ся,
А у птиц сво бо де учить ся
Ос та вив
все то, что жаль.
Од наж ды ты
при вык
И поч ти
не стал ле тать
Но толь ко чей- то крик
Вдруг поз вал ле тать.
И под нял ты гла за
В высо ту,
где
голоса плы вут
Там люди в не бе сах
И те бя с собой зо вут.
По ле теть по бе ло му све ту
Став од ним дви же ни ем ве тра
Ле те ть
куда- то вдаль
И не ду мать
как призем лить ся,
А у птиц сво бо де учить ся
Ос та вив
все то, что жаль.
И ле теть по бе ло му све ту
Став одн им дви же ни ем ве тра
Ле те ть
куда- то вдаль
И не ду мать,
как призем лить ся
А у птиц сво бо де учить ся
Ос та вив
Все то, что жаль
Од нажды он
ска зал...

АМЕГА

все, теперь этот дневник веду токо для себя а не для общего просмотра. Хотела завести себе нормальный, но времени даже нет, чтобы поехать выбрать, что-то подходящее. Так что буду довольствоватся пока тем, что есть

fsfsfs

ВСЕ закрываю я эту байду. А то времени и желания нет на это, только мыло захламляется. Но спаcибо вам всем, кто меня читал и был моим другом. Отдельное самое большое спасибо DyingHeart и simply_the_grey.