Давно уже неписал в темах, ну так как раньше. Изредка отвечу на одну, другую и всё. Противно както...
Все всех ненавидят, чевото пытаются друг другу обьяснить, ругаются, но бесполезно всё ето...
Смешно даже...Больше в етом неучаствую...
Ну так чево я хотел сказать то,

Скоро празник, 8 марта... Казалось бы хороший празник, ничево особенново, но и тут до евреев добрались :)
Ктоб знал, но оказывается, как я севодня узнал (в жизни бы недогодался, спасибо етому website) 8 марта придумали евреи :) (Тоесть голанские фемининистки-которые конечно же были еврейки)
А сделали они международный женский день 8 марта (кстати кроме как в росии ево нигде непразнуют), потому што ето был последний выходной перед еврейским празником Пурим :) (по лунному колендарю :) ) (в 1914 году) :)
Чуть со смеху немопер, когда такое прочел :)

Да, есть у людей фантазия :)
Или ето просто слишком много свободново времени ??? :)

Какие всётаки разные люди вокруг нас.

Со мной работает кубинец, уже больше двух лет каждый день ему даю указания. По виду тихий, вроде мухи необидит. По Англиски толком неговорит, восновном отдельными словами и жестами ему обьясняю чево делать. По руски пару фраз знает, типа "работа стоит", "мапа", "папа", "товарищи", "девушка, девушка", "я люблю тебя партия", "солнзе еше высоко", мат знает в совершенстве, причем "товарищи" говорит вообше без акцента :) Видно здорово мы над ними при комунизме поработали...
Но так как работу знает, то справляется, да и ничево особо ответственово ему непоручаю....
И вот, больше двух лет так работаем, а севодня на ланче, через переводчика (другово испаноязычново, с Коламбии) узнал как же етот тихий кубрик в Америку попал...
Оказывается етот тихий невинный кубик, 9 лет назад, соблазнив товарища так скажем, дал по голове охраннику резорта, отобрал у нево ружье, пробралися они на територию, и взяв в заложники двух туристок из франции, сели в катер и поплыли. Заложников возле берега скинули, и ето была ошибка ....
С берега по ним другие охраники стрелять начали, и ево друга убили, да исче и катер прострелили...
бензину хватило ну не на то штоб порадоваття свободой, а только на то штобы её понюхать, он кончился минут через 30
Вёсел нет... Воды и еды тоже...
От так и плавал, сначала нормально, а потом терял сознание от жары и жажды и приходил в сознание несколько раз ...
По ево словам, плавал так три дня (хотя точно незнает), пока ево невзяли на буксир Американские туристы плывшие на яхте с бермуд.
Они ево полили водой и отбуксовали на Флорида Киез :)

И вот спустя 9 лет он тут... Женат, работает, детей ростит. Великая страна Америка, што с людми делает свобода. В жизни бы о нем таково неподумал...

Bill Clinton and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Bill saw this and said, "My God, what did you tell them?" The driver replied, "I told them that I'm Bill Clintons' driver and I just killed the pig.

The first ladies of UK, Russia and France were having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective spouse. The first lady of UK says, "It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the room" The lady from Russia says, "It is like an army officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or back.." The French lady says, "It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down..." Then Hilary says, "It's like a rumour... it moves from one mouth to another..."

The Clinton's and the Gores are traveling aboard Air Force One. Bill Clinton looks out the window and says, "You know, I bet I could drop a $10,000 bill out the window and make one person very happy!" Al Gore comments, "Yes, but I could drop ten $1000 bills out the window, and make ten people very happy." Hillary Clinton says, "True, but I could drop one hundred $100 bills out the window, and make one hundred people very happy. Chelsea responds, "Big deal! I could drop all of you out the window, and make the whole country happy!"

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. I'll have the same thing he's having."

Hillary went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. "Does this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he does," the manager told her. "But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?" she asked. "Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whorehouse, and his language is terrible."
"Well, I want him," she said. "Suit yourself," the manager shrugged. When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye, and said, "New house, new madam." Hillary laughed.
Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. "New house, new whores," the parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed at him.
A few minutes later, the president entered the living quarters. The parrot looked up from his feeder and said, "Hi, Bill."

Bill Clinton and Al Gore were taking a shower at the gym after a strenuous exercise. Bill looked down at Al's dick and was shocked at how big it was. "My GOD, Al, that thing is HUGE! How'd you get it that big?" Bill asked in awe. "Well, every night, I whack it three times against the bedpost," he answered proudly. "Well, I'll have to try that," Bill said. So that night, when Bill got home, Hilary was already in bed, half asleep. Bill took out his dick and thumped three times against the bed-post. Thump. Thump. Thump. Suddenly, Hilary sat bolt upright in bed. "Al, is that you?" she asked.

The Clintons and the Gores were having dinner one evening and the topic of conversation got around to sex and partners. They all agreed they would swap partners for the night. About 2:00 o'clock the next morning, Bill got up on one elbow in bed and said " Al, what do you suppose the women are doing right now?"

Former President Clinton is visiting an elementary school and drops in on the 4th grade class. The class is in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Ex-President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word "tragedy." So, Clinton asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." A little boy raises his hand and after a nod from Clinton says: "My best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over. That would be a tragedy." "No," says Clinton, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the Ex-President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Former President Clinton searches. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, Lil' Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying you & Mrs. Clinton, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Clinton, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," said Lil' Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss."

A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong. The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire." The marine asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for the president so I am going car to car asking for donations." The marine asked, "How much do you have so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day about a month ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge---a blonde , a brunette , and a redhead. To the blonde he said , "I am the president of the united states. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question , and she replied, "One hundred dollars. "He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied, "Mr. President , if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes.... Get my panties as low as my wages...get that thing of yours as hard as the times... Keep it high as the gas prices...keep me warmer than my apartment...and...screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President , it ain't gonna cost you a cent."

A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.

A classified ad which read "Wife Wanted" received hundreds of responses, all from men saying "You can have mine."

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband expects his wife to be perfect... and to understand why he's not.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

A son asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying for it."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.

A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." The friend asked, "And what was he before you married him?" The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.

As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. [I'll alter him!]

Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I was engaged myself once, to a contortionist. But she broke it off.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay full attention to what you have to say, talk in your sleep.

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

In marriage, the bride gets a shower; but for the groom, it's curtains!

It doesn't matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.

It's a give-and-take marriage. He gives and she takes.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Man is incomplete until he is married. After that he is finished.

Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.

Marriage is a great institution; but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is an institution in which the man loses his Bachelor's degree and the woman gets her Master's.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo....

Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gosh, I miss him!

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.

She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Some mornings I wake up grouchy... and some mornings I just let her sleep.

Thanks preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse!

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

The only thing that holds a marriage Читать далее...

25 Interesting Things That You Learn About Computers in The Movies...

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. See #7, above)

11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

16. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.

17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

22. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

25. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. Example: "What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check. It's the murder weapon! Let's look under the bed for the killers shoes. no, just some comics books (Marvel 1954, very rare). Let's check the closet shelves...!"

On E-Bay,

Up for bid is something unique. A very very rare French Battle Flag. My grandmother was a nurse with the Red Cross during WWII. Helping our brave American soldiers after they stormed the beaches of Normandy under heavy German fire. She was then ordered to go inland to see if she could help there.

While driving alone across France she became lost and drove into a large French village to get directions. Once there she discovered three battalions of Elite French Commandos who had been hiding in the village since 1939 practicing their very special kind of battle tactics. “Evasion’on” I think they called it.

She was surprised to see that as soon as she step out of the jeep, the commandos quickly retreated and hid. They were very good at hiding it seemed. She started searching for someone to give directions when the French commander sent a twelve-year-old girl out into the street waving this very French Battle Flag to seek “Terms of Surrender”.

Confused, my poor grandmother said she only wanted directions so she could help some real soldiers. These terms were accepted and the commander immediately surrendered. The French immediately began to complain that under “Rules of Engagement” they were now her prisoners and she would have to defend them.

Too her surprise 3 German soldiers also surrender. Well they weren’t really soldiers but 3 German Boy Scouts out hiking before the war but they had uniforms and one had a pen knife. Seems they had captured the village 5 years earlier and were now glad to rid themselves of the whining French peasants. The Germans were shock to learn the French Commandos lived in the same village. Never once had the Germans seen a French soldier, but each now notice all the ugly French women were missing. Seems they were really good at hiding.

On a side note, pure white French Battle Flags like this are hard to come by, seems that the bed linden used to make these flags usually had a yellow tint to them for some reason. Grab this item while can.

http://dissidentfrogman.fr.st/price_of_peace.html

I'm going to end this "It's about oil" argument once and for all.

Iraq produces between 3% and 5% of the world's daily oil supply on any given day.

To put that in perspective, of the ten largest oil producing countries on the planet, Iraq ranks 7th. Saudi Arabia ranks 1st producing 500% more oil than Iraq. Number two is Mexico... three is Venezuela.

"Yeah, but... but... Iraq has the second largest oil reserve under it!"

If you have a quarter, I have a dime, and everyone else on earth has a nickel... I have the second largest coin on earth. But it's still a drop in the bucket compared to what's out there.

"Well...um.... but what is there is still worth a lot of money!"

Is it? There's an estimate that says that the oil in the sands of Iraq is worth $3trillion dollars.

Problem 1: getting to the oil. Iraq is producing 4% of the oil because that's all it can get at. If that oil were easily obtained, Iraq would've already tapped it. In order to even think about draining the untapped oil, infrastructure, technology, and machinery would have to be built, invented and installed. That costs money. That takes time.

Problem 2: refineries all ready at full capacity. The oil refineries around the world are already at full capacity. They are already maxed out as to how much oil they can take in and turn into gasoline and fuels. There's just no more room for more oil to go into them.

So if you tapped Iraq and drained all that oil, it'd sit in storage until the refineries can get to it... which costs money... But the refineries wouldn't ever get to it, because oil from other reserves needs to be refined too. Some all that excess oil would sit in storage indefinitely. That costs money. It sure as heck doesn't make money sitting in storage.

One option would be to build more refineries. Building refineries costs money. Plus, the environmental movement in the US is preventing any more refineries from being built. If the refineries are built in foreign countries, it would cost more money to run them and ship the fuels to their destinations. Plus, you'd be splitting taxes and would probably have to negotiate tariff deals.

Problem 3: Too much oil supply reduces prices. If you drained the oil, built more refineries, and released a couple billion barrels of oil out into the marketplace, you dramatically increase supply. Anyone who's taken a basic economics course knows that if supply goes up and demand stays the same, prices drop. That $3trillion quickly become $1trillion.... cutting into profits. So the cost of infrastructure, the cost of technology, the cost of machinery, the cost of refineries, the cost of shipping, the cost of tariffs, and the reducing of oil prices nets about 4% per year over 28 years. You can do better with T-Bills.

ADD to that the cost of cleaning up after a war.

And now the time factor. Time to clean up, time to build roads and infrastructure, time to develop technology, time to build machinery, time to ship and install machinery, time to build refineries, time for negotiating international tariff deals, time for refining, time for transport... all without a significant increase in demand.... By the time all that is done we could be driving H-cell cars by then.

My point is that if you want to get rich on oil, Iraq is not the place to do it. There are a dozen better options. If you're going to use war as a method for obtaining oil, let's go after Venezuela... they're ripe for a takeover right now and produce over 300% more oil than Iraq. Better yet, let's annex Mexico. Even better yet, let's take over Saudi Arabia...we already have military bases there.

If we really wanted more oil, we'd just lift the sanction on Iraq and buy it... at a cheaper cost and in less time than going through the hassle of everything listed above. But then you run into the full capacity and supply and demand issues. If this were really about oil, we would've kept troops in Iraq in 1991. It doesn't make economic sense. It would lose money.... especially in the short-term... meaning stock prices would fall. That's something no investor wants, especially in the short-term. The only oil factor in this equation is that the money Iraq DOES make from legal and illegal oil sales is going into producing weapons, golden palaces, and probably to terrorist groups.... hence the reason Saddam says he doesn't have enough money to feed his people and why they're starving to death in the streets while cheering his name. He spends the money on military and not on children. If a new Iraqi regime were in control of their oil, maybe the money would go towards schools, and food, and medicine, instead of towards anthrax, vx gas, aluminum tubes, and al-shamud missiles. The "War for Oil" line is without basis and just plain wrong. It's a "sound good" line perpetuated by the left and those people that are wishing for an ulterior motive because they just can't believe that Bush isn't lying. But as Читать далее...

Ridge Offers New 'Pre-Emptive' Steps to Combat Terrorism

Ridge Offers New 'Pre-Emptive' Steps to Combat Terrorism (2003-02-20) -- At his second news conference in as many days, Homeland Security Czar Tom Ridge today announced another three-step plan for defeating terrorism. The new guidelines follow yesterday's clever slogan "Make a kit. Make a Plan. Be Informed."

The department's new website at Ready.gov will soon contain details on the new "pre-emptive" three-step program: 1) Buy a handgun. 2) Learn to use it. 3) Conceal and carry.

"Terrorism forces us to make a choice," said Mr. Ridge. "Don't be afraid. Be ready. And there's nothing that makes you feel more ready than a flat-black Glock .45 caliber automatic strapped tight to your chest, and a weekly session on the target range."

In contrast to the "make a kit" program which basically deals with the aftermath of an attack, Mr. Ridge said the new plan will stop terrorists cold at the first signs of an attack. He acknowledged that the new plan may hurt sales of duct tape, but it should boost sales of "hardware".

"Last night I watched Harrison Ford in the movie 'Air Force One'," said Mr. Ridge. "I'd like to repeat his words, 'To those who commit the atrocities I say, we will no longer tolerate, we will no longer negotiate, and we will no longer be afraid. It's your turn to be afraid'

President Bill Clinton called Jean Chretien (prime minister of Canada) with a pressing emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Bill, da Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister. "I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainement! I will get on hit right haway." said Jean.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said President Bill.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" asked Clinton.
"No prob'lem," replied the Prime Minister, and with that, Chretien hung up and called the president of Trojan.
"I need a favor. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, an sen'em to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be bleu, blanc 'n rouge in color; hat least 10 hinches long, and 4 hinches in dia' meter."
"That's easily done. Anything else?"
"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem MADE IN CANADA, size: MEDIUM."

Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X next to the number will indicate "in use."


(Sample)

1 2 3X 4 5 6X
Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.


You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!

Easy Section
1. Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.

1 2X 3 4X 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.



2. Urinal 1 is occupied.

1X 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.

Kind of Tricky Section
3. No urinals are occupied.

1 2 3 4 5 6

Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."



4. Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.

1 2X 3 4X 5 6X

Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1. You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.

Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section

5. Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.

1 2X 3X 4 5X 6X

Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!

VERY Tricky Indeed Section

6. Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.

1X 2X 3 4 5X 6X

Enter your choice here: __
The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God's sake, man, use a stall with a door!

Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."
Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED - Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

LONGEST PUBES - Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.

MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH - Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.

ZITS - In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.

WORST DRINK - The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL - This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN - Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. Healso hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

LONGEST TURD - The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.

MOST PROLONGED FART - Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.

Да блин, што за фигня...
Было у меня пять звёздочек, непонятно каково цвета,
и я думал што был, круче Армянсково коньяка. (Ему ведь раз в год по звезде дают, а мне чаще чем раз в месяц)...

А сейчас одну дали, да и есче и цвета "несвежих апельсинов"...

Значит героям советсково союза давали желтые,
Героям социалистическово труда давали желтые с кривым ножом и молотом...

А героям особо проявившим себя в разширении дел науки - болталогии, дают ети, цвета "перезревшей тыквы"?

Why are the liberal (read major) News Organizations always lean towards left. Why do they newer show us the Patriot rally, for example...
Did anyone but people like, outside DC even heard of it.

Sunday, March 16th, there going to another round of them held across the US....

You work very odd hours.

You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.

You are not proud of what you do.

Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

It's difficult to have a family.

You have no job satisfaction.

If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.)

Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with only other "professionals."

Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.

Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain.

You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.

The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life.".

Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!

Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

HORN DOES NOT WORK- WATCH FOR FINGER!

Mopeds are like fat women. Fun to ride but you don't want to be seen with em!

Honk if you have had sex with Clinton.

Hang Up And Drive!

Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-FUCK-YOU

"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING

If your cute,single,and rich, HONK!

WARNING: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.

Sex is like air, it's only bad when you are not getting any.

My wife's other car is a broom.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.

Constipated people don't give a shit.

Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.

If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.

My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

If your not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

I don't have an attitude problem...You have a perception problem.

I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

HONK! If Monica Lewinsky blew you!

Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch. (That's sick)

Happiness is lipstick on my dipstick!

I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.

So many cats.....so few recipes.

My other ride is your MOTHER!!