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Would like to tell you, my love, I do feel so sad
Would like to tell you, my love, there's so much regret
But I can't find the words and I guess you don't care
Maybe if I shut up pain'll be easy to bear.

pt. 1 -- glam's undead.
pt. 2 -- the matrix loves you.

I don't want to be dominant.
I don't want to be "the elder sister"; I never was the younger.
I don't want to be a "mother-figure" to anyone; I never was a daughter.
and I surely don't want to be a fucking role-model!
*yeah, kids, I suck. don't admire me.

sometimes I tend to see hints where there probably aren't any.
luckily I never react when I'm not sure though.
and I do hope she missed you too.

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it's just your own little creepy way to kiss my tears away. to take away my pain by making it slowly fade away. no fuel - no fire; now I know it too. thank you for sharing this experience.

fuck these sick games where one can't even tell if the other still actually plays.

is a fuckin' camwhore oO

вон нахуй из моей головы, ты мне никто и звать тебя никак.

...and then I agree, like yeah, that kinda sucks, and u say yeah and smile, and I get some masochistic pleasure, and everyone's happy again.

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you like to open it up real wide
then you let everyone come inside
there's always something you've got to hide
so you lied and you lied and you lied
make sure you grab everything that you need
you got a hole that you've got to feed
keep trying to fill it all up with your greed
but it bleeds and it bleeds and it bleeds
well go take a little more
we'll scrape you off the floor
we love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
a great big superstar
is what you think you are
we love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
nobody burns quite as bright
well goddamn, maybe you're right
there's always battles left for you to fight
and you might, you might, you just might
but there is something i've got to say
there is a price you're gonna pay
try as hard as you can to stay
you're just fading and fading and fading the fuck away
well go take a little more
we'll scrape you off the floor
we love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
a great big superstar
is what you think you are
we love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
well go take a little more
we'll scrape you off the floor
we love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
a great big superstar
is what you think you are
we love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
better turn the lights down low
the cracks begin to show
we all love you anyhow
but you're not so pretty now
well soon you will be gone
and we will all move on
you never mattered anyhow
and you're not so pretty now

somewhere in the middle of those endless dull summer days of heat and void I was sitting on the bathroom floor in that violet dress, thinking about how much more loads of shit were ahead.
and they were countless indeed.
someone please cancel this stupid looped process. uninstall me. erase me.

some things should come before the others. I can be proud of myself, at least I know what's really important, both at the moment and in life generally.
and yeah, weather sucks. it's not spring, no way.
when are we having Easter, I wonder.

such a waste of energy.
smooth and light and clean and simple - this is how I'd like my life to be.

love is not an argument. I don't even want you to hurt tonight.
I feel the deathly and reviving power of indifference. it's oh so wrong, I guess.

sometimes I wish I was romantic. or just innocent; it would be even better. with unstained mind and soul and with eyes wide open, ready to believe this world. though I realize it's rather stupid.
or maybe I'd like to have some *common* problems, you know, like some fucked up love or smth. idnk, I just sometimes get tired of lacking understanding.

I cried today.
and behaved like a neurotic bitch.
though not really feeling pain inside.
I'm just bored and like some drama now and then, nothing worth talking about in fact.

Настроение сейчас - such a relief

work - home - web.
looks like I'm happy.
now it's crystal clear.
now I know what _love_ is.
now I belong.

it's important to be grateful.