Episode 102: Thinnergy
[ Al won't have sex with Peg ]
Marcy: " Peggy, what would you say if I told you I had the answer to all of your problems?"
Peggy: " I don't know... I bought one of those and it's just not the same."
Episode 210: The Razor's Edge
Al: " They [women] need us [men] just as much as we need them. Why? Because we can do the job and you can't take a battery home to meet your mother."
Episode 210: The Razor's Edge
[ Marcy explains to Peggy about appealing to Steve's intellect to shave his beard, then she pauses ]
Marcy: "Do you have any batteries?"
[ Peggy nods sadly ]
Episode 306: Her Cups Runneth Over
Marcy: " What would men do if they had breasts?"
Al: " We wouldn't need women anymore."
Peg: " If you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore."
Al: " That's what happened to my DieHard."
Episode 309: The Gypsy Cried
[ Gypsy Madam Olga sits on the Bundy couch ]
Madam Olga: " Please sit down. I feel very strong vibrations here."
Al: [to Peg] " Did you leave your toy running under the couch again?"
Peg: " No, it's in the shop. It's being turbocharged."
Episode 603: If Al Had a Hammer
Jefferson: Having sex with your pregnant wife is like putting gas into a car you've already wrecked.
Al: Well thank God mine pulls into self-service!
Episode 609: Kelly Does Hollywood, Part 1
[ Al says about the Channelmaster 2000 - the ultimate TV remote control - that it could override all battery operated appliances in the house ]
Peggy: Even Otis?
Al: Especially Otis!!
Episode 620: Hi I.Q.
[ Al has plugged in dozens of devices into a single outlet ]
Peg: " Don't you have enough things plugged in?"
Al: " The only experience you have is with things that use batteries."
Episode 718: Peggy and the Pirates
[ When Peg is in bed with Seven, she is looking through her nightstand for a book to read. While she is scrimmaging through the drawer, we hear a buzzing noise. ]
Peg, laughing: "How'd that get in there?"
Episode 722: Till Death Do Us Part
[ Peg & Al had sex previuos night ]
Al: " I'm surprised you could make it down those steps this morning."
Peg: " I was pretty tired. I hope that buzzing didn't keep you awake."
Al: " Those darn bees. I think one of them stung you 'cos I heard you scream."
Episode 805: Banking on Marcy
[ Al says that "it" doesn't work anyone ]
Peg: " Well, I guess we can just put it behind us and get on with the rest of our lives."
Al: "But Peg, what will you do?"
Peg: "Oh, I'll be alright. I'll just keep going and going and going..." [ She is referring to Energizer batteries ]
Episode 806: No Chicken, no Check
[ Peg & the kids come home from shopping ]
Bud, to Peg: " I think we got everything you want from the store. "
[ Bud starts to take things out of a bag ]
Bud: " Burbon-flavoured bon-bons... romance novels... Kenny G CD... "
Kelly: " Mmm, you and Dad are gonna have quite a time tonight, huh Mom? "
Bud: " ... batteries... "
Episode 917: Get the Dodge out of Hell
Al: " What is it with you, Peg? You can change D batteries in the dark yet you can't find a 2 ton car in broad daylight."
Episode 921: And Bingo Was Her Game-O
[ Al didn't pick Peggy up with his car ]
Peg: " True to his performance in bed, I think it's safe to say Al has let me down again. Unfortunately in this case, I can't reach into the nightstand and get myself home."
Episode 922: The Undergraduate
[ Peg tries to work the vacuum cleaner ]
Peg: " Al, I don't think this thing is working."
Al: " Ah, Peg. Unlike many of your other devices, this doesn't need batteries."
Episode 926: Radio Free Trumaine
[ After Peggy says to Al that 'when he gets beef, she gets beef', Al goes to sleep and Peggy goes upstairs ]
Bud: "Mom, we are you going?"
Peg: "Upstairs, to get some hamburger helper."
Al Bundy's Christmas story
from It's a Bundyful Life (Part 1) (412)
Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,
no food was a stirring, not even a mouse.
Stockings were hung 'round dad's neck like a tie,
along with a note that said "presents or die".
Children were plotting all night in their beds,
while the wife's constant whining was splitting his head.
But daddy had money this year in the bank,
then they closed up early, now dad's in the tank.
...and all of a sudden Santa appeared,
a sneer on his face, booze in his beard.
Santa I said as he laughed merrily,
you do so much for others do something for me.
Bundy he said, you only sell shoes,
your son is a sneak-thief, your daughters' a flooze.
Ho Ho Santa said, should I mention your wife,
her hairs like an a-bomb, her nails like a knife.
As he climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung,
he mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue.
And I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee:
you're married with children, you'll never be free.
Five Days of Christmas
from It's a Bundyful Life (Part 1) (412)
Bud: 5 bowls a-flushing
Peg: 4 'roids a-throbbing
Kel: 3 nosehairs waving
Bud: 2 children starving
Peg: 1 untouched wife!
Al pays the bills
from Raingirl (419)
Oh man we're broke, cha cha cha
Everybody flat broke, cha cha cha
Living in the gutter, cha cha cha
Early grave, cha cha cha
Alright now, everybody - shoot me!
Psycho Dad original theme song
from Al... with Kelly (501)
Who's that riding into the sun.
Who's the man with the itchy gun.
Who's the man who kills for fun!
Psycho Dad. Psycho Dad. Psycho Dad!
He sleeps with a gun, but he loves his son.
Killed his wife 'cause she weighed a ton... Psycho Dad!
Daddy poem
from The Unnatural (504)
D is for the many pies I baked you.
A is for the apple in my eye.
D is for the dish you ate the pie in.
D is for the apple in my eye.
Y ? Because I love you!
Put them all together, they spell "daddy".
Al's Gardening Song
from Wabbit Season (508)
Ol' McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y.
And on this farm there was no wife, B-U-N-D-Y.
With a no wife here, and no kids there,
And a hooker coming over on Friday night,
Big hooters with a pizza and a beer there,
Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y!
B.B. King's songs
from Look Who's Barking (513)
I was born in the junkyard,
A child of the streets,
My Dad was catching garbage,
And other tastes of treats.
Police chased and caught me,
I was in the pound alone,
The Bundys came and got me,
Didn't even bring a bone!
Yeah, yeah, I ain't talkin' jive.
I'll eat anything,
Even if it's alive.
Don't want no fax machine,
Got no use for a phone,
Don't even want my belly rubbed,
Just give me a blood-stained bone!
Starvin' out here, Mama,
Got no food to call my own.
You better watch your wives and children,
I'm out here prowlin' for a bone.
Woman makes you stupid,
Every man's a hound,
She says love's an ocean,
That she pulled you in to drown.
Woman makes you stupid,
Always playin' with your head,
Next time you'll be smiling,
Is the day you wake up dead.
Woman makes you stupid,
When she show a little tail,
I don't know why we need 'em,
Oh yeah: a coffin needs a nail!
Bud's Rap
from If Al Had a Hammer (603)
He came from the streets where everyone's meet
Guns in the night, but you wonder why she can't love no-one
'Cause he's on the run
Sleeps in the alley, wakes by the sun
Listen to the sirens, thinkin' they're for me
It's a lonely life for Grandmaster B
Yes, a lonely life for Grandmaster B.
I Care by Al Bundy
from The Mytersy of Skull Island (614)
When hooters jiggle around,
and I find nickels on the ground, I care.
When a mustang engine purrs,
and the bathroom is not hers, I care.
When the pitcher's on the mound,
and the wife is underground, I care.
But when I've been playing this for days,
I will kill anyone who stays, I swear!
To which Peggy adds:
...and if you really want a scare,
check out his underwear,
if you dare.
At the Nudie Bar
from Rites of Passage (616)
Where the music stinks, and they water the drinks, the nudie bar.
Where the girlies dance in their underpants, the nudie bar.
Where you see their butt, and their trap stays shut, at the nudie bar.
Where you can't touch a breast, but you can cave in a chest, at the nudie bar.
Where you look at a thigh, and blacken an eye, at the nudie bar.
Where the beer gives you gas, but the Bundys kick ass, at the nudie bar.
New Psycho Dad theme song
from Teacher Pets (621)
A little touched or so we're told.
Killed his wife 'cause she had a cold.
Might as well, she was gettin' old.
Psy-cho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad.
He's quick with a gun, and his job ain't done.
Killed his wife by twenty-one, he's Psy-cho Dad!
Psycho Mom theme song
from Teacher Pets (621)
Who's the gal who needs no man?
Killed him dead with the frying
NO MA'AM
For seven Married... with Children seasons, Al and his friends suffered from their wives' and other women's oppression as opposed to their idea of a perfect world. In early episode 0106, Al expresses his anachronistic vision like that: "It used to be so great to be a man. Women were there to please us. They'd look after the kids and we go out and have a good time. That's the natural order of things."
But when some feminists took away these men's bowling night in episode 0809 (NO MA'AM), Al and his friends founded NO MA'AM, the "National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood". Its purpose is to fight the increasing power of women all over society (and to bowl and drink beer of course). They do things like founding a baseball league (0911), fighting for a TV series (0913/914) or founding a church (1004). Hardcore members of NO MA'AM are Al, Jefferson, Bob Rooney, Griff, Ike and Officer Dan. There were also other members in most of the episodes with NO MA'AM, though. Bud tried to join the club in 1007, but he didn't succeed. NO MA'AM's official beer is "Girlie Girl" (0921, 1004).
[показать] The following episodes are shows about NO MA'AM:
0809 - NO MA'AM - The fight against a talk show
0821 - Legend of Ironhead Haynes - The fight for commandments
0905 - Business Sucks (Part 1) - The fight against feminists
0905 - Business Still Sucks (Part 2)
0911 - A Man for No Seasons - The fight for baseball
0913 - I Want My Psycho Dad (Part 1) - The fight for Psycho Dad
0914 - I Want My Psycho Dad: Second Blood (Part 2)
0921 - And Bingo Was Her Game-O - The fight for a new official beer
1004 - Reverend Al - The fight for a church
1005 - How Bleen Was My Kelly - Testing a new hair restorer
1007 - Flight of the Bumblebee - Watching Wrestlepalooza
1026 - The Joke's on Al - No fight for Griff after a practical joke on him
1101 - The Stepford Peg - NO MA'AM enjoys Peggy's amnesia
1112 - Live Nude Peg - NO MA'AM once more at the nudie bar
Hardcore Members
Al is described on a special page about Al Bundy.
Jefferson, NO MA'AM's minute taker (821, 911, 1004), is described on the page about the Bundys' neighbours.
Griff (picture) is Al's sidekick at the shoe store from episode 904 on. He became a NO MA'AM member in 911. He's divorced (mentioned in ep. 904, 905, 911, 1007) and wife got his last name, so he's just called Griff (1114). The only time he mentions something like a last name was in episode 1025, when he called a sports call-in show [Griff: Hello, this is Griff. Announcer: And what's your last name, brother? Griff: Er... X. Griff X. Announcer: You're a Muslim, as in Malcolm X? Griff: No, as in "screwed over by the ex".]. Griff is a lefthander (indicated in 924), a Pam Grier fan (1012) and drives a Geo Metro (905, 1012). He is played by Harold Sylvester.
Bob Rooney (picture) is NO MA'AM's treasurer (1004). He's a butcher (mentioned in ep. 923) and shows up for the first time in episode 809. He's married to Louise (912). Just like Al he attended Polk High and played with him in the same football team (910). Bob Rooney's name is spelt the wrong way in 924. The actor who plays him is E.E. Bell who has an own website. E.E. Bell described his part's name like this: "The characters name was Bob Rooney. The theory [of MwC producer Kim Weiskopf] was that in every neighborhood in the midwest of the U.S. there is one guy all the
I just want to divide my happiness))))
[показать] [показать] [показать]
[показать] [показать]eleven seasons with russian translate))
Wisdoms
E before O except before E-I-E-I-O. (A mixture of I before E except after C and the song Old MacDonald had a Farm, E-I-E-I-O as an explanation for the spelling of Sheos)
Feed a cold, starve for pizza. Starve a pizza, eat cold feet. (Instead of Feed a cold, starve a fever.)
He who laughs last laughs West. (Instead of ...best.)
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have seen 'Lost in Space' at all. (Instead of ... than never to have loved at all.)
It turns, therefore I am. (Instead of I think, therefore I am.)
Make new thoughts, but keep the old, one is silver, and the other is old. (Instead of Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver, and the other gold.)
Mom and Dad are my relatives, therefore I am. (Combination of Einstein's theory of relativity and René Descartes' I think, therefore I am)
There, but for the flippers, go I. (Instead of There, but for the grace of God, go I.)
They will never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free. (You can figure out that one yourself.)
Those who can - do, those who can't - do not. (Instead of ... those who can't - criticise. Or: ... those who can't - teach.)
Use a condom, go to jail. (Instead of Use a condom, go to school.)
Statements
As inevitable as death in Texas. (Instead of ... death and taxes.)
Buenos nachos. (Instead of Buenas noches.)
B-U-N-D and sometimes Y. (Combination of the spelling of Bundy and English vowels "A-E-I-O-U and sometimes Y".
Comme ci, comme di. (Instead of Comme ci, comme ça.)
Down yours. (Instead of Up yours.)
Fly like the beagle. (Instead of Fly like an eagle.
I'm going to hold my breast until I turn blue. (Instead of ... breath...)
I'm an Aquarium. (Instead of ... Aquarius.)
I'm on the edge of my feet. (Instead of ... seat.)
I'm on the horns of an enema. (Instead of ... on the horns of a dilemma.)
Is a bear catholic? (Instead of Is the Pope a Catholic? and Does a bear shit in the woods?)
It's as easy as 1, 2, C. (Instead of ... 1, 2, 3.)
It's so hot you could lay an egg on the sidewalk. (Instead of ... fry an egg on the sidewalk.
I wear my heart on a sleaze. (Instead of ... my sleeve.)
Mars to Mom. (Instead of Earth...)
My brain beats faster. (Instead of My heart beats faster.)
Objection stained (instead of ... sustained)
Quoth the Raven 'Demi Moore'. (Instead of Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore'. from Edgar Allan Poe's poem The Raven)
Right, and the check is in my mouth. (Instead of The check is in the mail. and I won't come in your mouth.)
Squid pro quo. (Instead of Quid pro quo.)
That is the squaw that stroke the camel's sack. (Instead of That is the straw that broke the camel's back.)
The defense breasts (instead of ... rests )
The mind wobbles. (Instead of The mind boggles.)
The prostitution rests. (Instead of The prosecution rests.)
The quest for the holy pale. (Instead of ... grail.)
Three out of two. (Instead of Two out of three.
You could've knocked me over with the weather. (Instead of You could've knocked me over with a feather.)
Your words fall off me like water of a duck's quack. (Instead of ... duck's back.
Expressions
ABD (instead of ABC)
Adidas (instead of adios)
Brazil (as a US state)
Buttshell (instead of nutshell)
Chinese waiter torture (instead of ... water...)
Coyote (instead of Kyoto)
Da-ta! (instead of ta-da!)
East Dakota (instead of North Dakota or South Dakota)
Electrical (instead of electoral)
Felines (instead of females)
Francis Ford Coppertop (instead of Francis Ford Coppola)
Grey mattress (instead of grey matter)
G-spot (instead of ten-spot)
Hunchback (instead of hunch)
Illegitimate (instead of illiterate)
Illiteral (instead of illiterate)
Indonesia (instead of amnesia)
Inseminations (instead of influence)
Intersections (instead of interjections)
Jolly Goodfellas (instead of goodfellas)
Long Island (instead of Los Angeles)
Los Angeles, the Big Apple (which would be New York City)
Ministers (instead of minerals)
Mistress (instead of master)
Lesbian (instead of Thespian)
Magnesia (instead of amnesia)
Mental pause (instead of menopause)
Metamucil (instead of metaphoric)
Montecristo's revenge (instead of Montezuma's revenge)
North and South Georgia
Norwegia (instead of Norway)
Optometrist (instead of optimist)
Ping and pong (instead of ying and yang)
Poke (instead of Polk)
Probation (instead of vacation)
Proctology (instead of ecology)
Q (in toaster leavin's, instead of G)
Reincastrated (instead of reincarnated)
Rocks (instead of minerals)
Spinach (instead of Spanish)
Stereo system (instead of stereotype)
Street Louis (instead of Saint Louis)
Strip-search me (instead of search me)
Sweat of our bras (instead of ... brows)
Testicle (instead of Testica)
Topeka! (instead of Eureka!)
Unconscious (instead of Confucius)
Urethra! (instead of Eureka!)
Valid dictator (instead of valedictorian)
Vegetarian
For her portrayal of Peg, Ms. Sagal was nominated as best lead actress in a comedy series for both a Golden Globe (1990) and an American Comedy Award (1990 and 1992). Viewers also know her for her critically acclaimed portrayal of Mary Tyler Moore's hard-bitten co-worker in the series "Mary." She also starred in the motion pictures-for television "Trail of Tears" and "She Says She's Innocent."
In feature films, Ms. Sagal has appeared in Vista Films' "Maid to Order," and with Diane Keaton in the Touchstone feature "The Good Mother."
Ms. Sagal was born into a show business family and grew up in Los Angeles and New York. Her father was the noted director Boris Sagal and her younger twin sisters, Liz and Jean Sagal, starred in the television series "Double Trouble."
A versatile performer, Ms. Sagal is a critically acclaimed singer/songwriter who began singing at age five. She worked as a back-up singer for Bob Dylan, Etta James and Olivia Newton-John and performed with Bette Midler as one of the flamboyant "Harlettes," a group she describes as "nasty, flashy and trashy."
Ms. Sagal released her first CD, "Well" on Virgin Records in 1995. The powerfully constructed album, which she co-wrote, derives inspiration from her own passionate experiences. She continues to perform in nightclubs throughout the Los Angeles area.
Ms. Sagal and her husband, Jack White, reside in Los Angeles with their daughter and new baby boy.
O'Neill, a native of Youngstown, Ohio, became intrigued with acting when he was teaching sixth grade and taking theater classes at Youngstown State University in his spare time.
Seven years later, O'Neill decided to pursue acting as a profession, so he moved to New York and got a job as a bus boy. His first break came when he was understudying the lead in the Broadway play "Knockout." True to theatrical legend, the lead left the show, the understudy took over the role and the rest is history.
His other stage credits include appearances off-Broadway and in regional productions of "The Front Page," "A Street Car Named Desire" and "Of Mice and Men."
On film, O'Neill co-starred in the Amblin Entertainment film "Little Giants," along with Rick Moranis; starred with Nick Nolte in "Blue Chips;" and was featured in "Wayne's World" and "Wayne's World II." He has also appeared in "Cruising," "Dogs of War," "Disorganized Crime," "K-9," "Sibling Rivalry" and in the title role in "Dutch." Recently, O'Neill starred in the Tiffany Theater's production of David Mamet's play "Lakeboat."