В колонках играет - Wake Up
Настроение сейчас - I wanna start a riot!!!!

20.04.2007
At last I managed to get to my little world….
Though most of things said here are just my everyday routine life…….
And I’ve lost the source of inspiration, to be accurate the person who used to be a part of that source……
Now I’m lost and can’t write anything….
The only one who is left is my DEAR ADAM…..
Though he has a wife………….
How ironic…to say that the only one who’s left is a 28-year old guy, who also is married…
Maybe I become crazy??????
Though I don’t feel like he is not with me anyway……..
Guess I really got lost…………..
But I don’t see anyone who will fit me……..
Yeah, guess I went insane………….
Though it was inevitable…….how pathetic……
*******
You saw how I was slowly fading
So instead of giving me some support you’ve just decided to let me go…..
I was never able to understand you, especially now….
Guess you was always afraid of responsibility, but why have you been doing it all that time back than???!!!!!!
Even if I’ll never know the answer, I want you to know, that the inevitability you’ve been always teaching me now means nothing to me, cause I know that’s all in your head….
That means FROM NOW ON I WILL MAKE MY OWN FUTURE and you won’t be able to interfere with me ever again!!!!!!!!!!!

В колонках играет - ........
Настроение сейчас - )))))))))))

02.04.2007
Maybe I like to be encouraged cause it makes me feel more confident …
******
I still can’t get why d’you make me feel so happy and alive))))))))))))
Nothing can erase the smile from my face

01.04.2007
I know you have your own life, I wish I could be a part of It….
******
Even If you will still be playing your strange games with me, I won’t say I hate you or that I’m tired of this Sh*t…
I’ll always be here behind your back, I’ll always protect you
The only one is that you should trust me….

I’m with you……
You may turn your back to everyone but for me….
[600x401]

В колонках играет - .....
Настроение сейчас - .........

31.03.2007
If someone will try to tell you life’s great, don’t try to persuade him it’s not,
May be he is just trying to hide what he really thinks…..
******
I’ve almost seen paradise,
It seemed to me I could catch the tail of Luck and live happily, but I was wrong…….
It was an illusion that my mind had made to protect me from everything and everyone……..
But if you will hide all the, time how can you become strong enough to overcome the difficulties that may probably shroud you and break the wall of irreality????

В колонках играет - Three days Grace

27.03.2007
Good Morning Revival)))))))
******
So where did you say was your place???
******
Stop turning around and look that someone will tell you, you are the only one real in here…..
******
Why are you chasing me all the time????!!!
I’m fed up with you Blondy, can’t you see it?
So why do you keep on doing this all over again???!!!
I guess you UNDERSTAND what demons you may awaken with that was of behaviour!!!
******
Val and Vik both have new jackets))))
Both were cute))))))
******
I wish I could tell you everything I think and add that I do care……
“Take a look at my life - all black
Take a look at my clothes – all black
I remember feeling so alive…
The night I looked into your eyes…..”

24.03.2007
I wanted to download some photos with my precious ADAM but the using license has been expired!!!!!!!!! Besides .net today was horrible(((((( I wasn’t able to download Good Morning Revival as well(((((
******
I can’t bare living with these wires around my neck…..
And everyone keep on telling me so many useless things….
As you keep walking to the bottom of your inner reality, trying to throw away all the bad “stuff”
And things of no use, you stop believing that it is gonna end one day…..
*******
I WANNA START A RIOT!!!!
I’m sick and tired of this routine!!!!!!
I need changes!!!!!!
Stop grumbling and looking at me that way!!!!!!
T wanna out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***********
Cadaverous look and empty eyes…
[428x420]

В колонках играет - ...so I crash and burn......
Настроение сейчас - almost smiling

23.03.2007
******
Who comes after you???? If you think that they will agree with your point of view, I guess you went insane…..
Adrenaline……….
*******
Body suffers a disease, but no one knows what it is….
That drives you mad, the closest people become more distant and you don’t feel their support anymore.
Something strange happens to your soul and you don’t feel like living this routine anymore,
You desire changes and start to abhor the things you’ve done before.
You are so willing to make your dream become true or be destroyed instantly and forever, so that nothing could be changed or remembered anymore……..

19.03.2007
Today seemed to be the horrible day of my life.
And in the evening I’ve got a phone call and the voice said
that I’m gonna get a present tomorrow))) kawaina))))
******
If the way you live could be depicted in a programmed movie or something like that
There would be thousands of viruses that would prevent me from watching it till the end and to see all the darkest sides you have……..
*******
[696x173]

В колонках играет - FPS- exept
Настроение сейчас - the light of hope still lives in here...

18.03.2007
Just as thought……it’s all over ((((((((
******
It’s time to change the program
If everything could be deleted as on your PC
Life would become easier
If there’ll be left even a drop of your bad memories
Don’t even try to get rid of it….
THE INEVITABILITY PISSES ME OFF
******
You know that the truth can’t be divided into bad or good
It just may be full or there’ll be said not everything……..
******
I’m not gonna create a monster. I’ll just leave it how it is
Cause I don’t have right to blow up this F****ing world
And destroy everything ( cause something precious shouldn’t suffer or get “wounded in some way…..” )
But I am too tired of this S**t that is happening around me.
And don’t even try to tell me “THAT’S PATHETIC”
I won’t think how disgusting it is……..
******
I’m walking through a green valley,
The wind is blowing,
It’s peaceful in here…..
You don’t have to remember any duties
Actually you can’t even imagine that
Something bothers you….
....it seems to be so long ago
I mean the last time I felt that can’t run away from that life …
…so troublesome and boring
Now I don’t give a fig if anyone cares what had happened to me……
…………….Though I still can hear the voices.
They’re calling me, asking to do anything, pleading to come back…
The worst feeling is when your head aches and you ‘wake up’…
Hmmm…seems to me emergency came on time (how funny)
Seems there’s no way for me to leave everything like that.,,.
…But if you don’t have anything to wish or live for, than why? Why am I here again????!!!

В колонках играет - Reamonn - weep
Настроение сейчас - evil))))

17.03.2007
Hope things won’t come from bad to worse…
Cause even now I feel at a loss…
The creature creeps into my mind
But I’m not able to resist it anymore
Well, maybe I am ready to play your game….
******
I’m already drowning in the world that YOU created
Trying to find my role in that play,
But when I start to feel “that’s it”
You change the rules immediately
Trying to show me
That you haven’t had enough fun with me yet….

В колонках играет - **********
Настроение сейчас - ((((

16.03.2007
The day started from recollecting what was in my dream, cause sometimes it may be interesting…
It really was))) Even nicer than I expected)) KAWAINA
I’m going to the University only at 16.00 and will be free by 17.30
That seems to be good but my day is absolutely useless, cause I can’t plan anything serious((((
******
“Only one drop of eternity”, you said. But I still don’t get it.
Maybe I am too little to understand???
Or maybe I didn’t know you well enough to see what it means????...
******
“Come to the edge”, the inner voice told me.
Your world is almost destroyed and you can’t find the way out
So why shouldn’t you end it up???!!

[590x573]

В колонках играет - ZET-Белакрылы Анёл
Настроение сейчас - just like when you're drowning in everyday routine......

15.03.2007
Volleyball was great today)))
******
You sit in the corner and quietly cry
You’re afraid to show anyone you may be weak sometimes and you need support
You thought the things will improve but everything goes wrong
The world started to crush but THE ONE didn’t care
The truth was that THE ONE didn’t even know that it can be
“And you keep drowning further and further in the darkness of your own bothers…..”
******
I can’t understand: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO BE????!!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!!!!!!!!!!
******
THAT DAY
I wanted to erase your fever
Wanted to free you from tough thing
From pain that thing had you delivered
I thought you need to me to cling
But you kept “standing over there”
Unwilling just even to live
That time to me was like a nightmare
That time used to be my grief
You said:”that time’s the last”
But have forgotten it too fast
I stopped believing any word
With me it didn’t touch a chord
I saw how you destroyed yourself
I tried so hard into to delve
I’ve had strength to make out something
Help you get into real life’s swing
Just when you said that was enough
I knew that you needed my love
Decision came but too late
Inside of you was only hate
You turned your back to everyone
That was the last thing you have done
Your friends had left you one by one
Even with stuff you had no fun
Your soul could stay here no more
Dark thoughts you could not now ignore
That day you saw sunlight last time
Your life has ended, WHY NOT MINE?!!

В колонках играет - David Draiman- Forsaken
Настроение сейчас - as it is supposed to be))

14.03.2007
I’ve been to Michelle’s University today again (as usual) and realized that Val is better))))
Though I’ve already said that I beg for forgiveness in some way (I dunno how to ask for forgiveness someone who even doesn’t know what blame you have…)
Maybe everything will go as I want it to be)))) some day
If yes, hope that’ll happen as quickly as possible)))))))
*******
The heritage of your family will end when you’ll be dead
You don’t want to understand that they will weep
If you’re gone
I can’t explain the reason of your sudden aggressions and daily depression...
Even when you say everything’s fine I see that emptiness in your eyes
Why can’t you just tell me the cause of your so-called disease???!!!!!

[280x211]
08.03.2007
It seems to me that I should “ask for forgiveness”))))

Though every one of us may have some weaknesses (I do have sometimes)
But in the end I come back to you)))))))))))
Hope not in vain
May be you really look like a little creature that I’m looking for?? May be….cause everything’s possible (hope so…..)
*******
It’s like I’m twisted sometimes, though each of us has it’s darker (or not very dark) side…)))))
Too bad that you could it see……..
But now you know almost everything about me (but fortunately not everything)))

That scares me… but you’ll always be able to cover me, hope you’re behind my back all the time ready to help…..

Don’t talk to me that way!! You’re not a monster anymore!!!!!!!!

В колонках играет - Godsmack-spaek
Настроение сейчас - indecisive

07.03.2007
I went to the University to see The Shorty and Val.
Michelle was crying while I was helping her may be with some a little bit cruel methods (but it was the only way!!!!!!) to get rid of so-called splinter.
That was even funny in the beginning (hope I’m not a sadist!!!!!!!!!! )
When we went to eat something Michelle and her group mate were joking around about my eyes (just look, she has a blurred set of eyes)
I couldn’t decide who is better Val or The Shorty (dunno why I liked him; for what?? If someone’ll tell me why I’d be very appreciative)
I couldn’t answer back then whom I like more((((((((too bad

[525x525]

В колонках играет - Groundswell
Настроение сейчас - ))))))

06.03.2007
I was trying to get to my doctor but she wasn’t there!!!!!!
And the simple question comes to my mind “Why did I have to wake up so early and go there if it was useless anyway????!!!!!”
My mood is still isn’t right, I thought that after a night of a t least “good” sleep I’d be able to feel better but I was wrong.
And soon I’ll have to the university
Tanya(the monitor of my group) has just called me and said that we’ll have 3 days off)))))))))))))))))) sometimes good come out of nowhere and that’s pleasant to hear and feel)))))))))))))
Michelle also will have 3 days off, just like The Shorty and Val))))
No need to look twice, see how I love you……
Time is running out…
I can’t get it: why am I surrounded by people who know you????!!!
Even in my own University!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And no more sentiments….

В колонках играет - Sentenced
Настроение сейчас - KAWAINA))))))

04.03.2007
I was woken up by a telephone call and I’ve seen such a dream!!!!!!!!
Yeah, guess now Sunday has also become a hard day just like Monday……….
So I have to drink coffee at 10.44 while all Normal people sleep!!!!
Maybe I should give a call to Michelle and to hear all the bad things I don’t wanna hear???)))
Nah, I’d better let that little creature sleep, she has probably been in internet almost the whole night…
Now its time to finish off my coffee and get ready to go to an exhibition, though it’s still too early…OH, I HATE BEEN WAKEN UP IN THE MORNING OF MY DAY OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michelle is afraid of her math teacher Shilkin, she says he’s a monster, even The Shorty couldn’t escape his anger))))
And I’ve got some new anime and The Funeral Album (Sentenced)
KAWAINA))))))
And it seems to me that I adore The Shorty in some way (Hmmm, but I don’t wanna that to be, cause it’s one more troublesome problem, even if that problem is cute(((() I won’t be able to do anything cause it’s always that way! I can’t do anything concerning the person I may like((((((((((((((( And that pisses me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

В колонках играет - Adrenaline
Настроение сейчас - full of hope

03.03.2007
Today at last I had a good dream…
Michelle wanted to commit a crime (suicide);(because of a guy in a train).
I was kidding (hope so) saying that I was jealous about The Shorty and by saying that I’ve had Michelle in stitches.
Nothing special…just a normal day((((

В колонках играет - music for soul
Настроение сейчас - irritated

02.03.2007
Today’s my uncle’s birthday and I’ve already wished him everything Good I could only imagine))
Sometimes dreams are not as bad as you can imagine but they may scare you like no one else (That happens every time when Michelle says something about that ***** Shorty!!! )I HATE WHEN IT HAPPENS!!!!
Hope she’ll stop it soon or I’ll go insane!!!!!!! Though sometimes it makes you think of something else but YOU

В колонках играет - music for soul
Настроение сейчас - lovely mood

01.03.2007
It’s the first day of spring and I’ve fallen ill. I’m not disappointed cause that’s not bad just like its not good. “You cannot be argued to” that’s one of the funny quotes that has been said today by the Shorty and some more phrases but I don’t actually tried to remember them all. Michelle was gnawing the lemon segments which seemed to make hallucinations and after she was trying to sing as my DEAR ADAM and as Joel, a little bit later when the lemon stopped causing that horror))) she said that“ drugs were bad”))))