дело не в том что, меня не понимают.
дело в мечте, во времени,в ее цене,в цене успеха...в том кого небыло,и в том кого со мной не будет.
В прошлом,в настоящем,в боли и счастье,а оно есть?
Дело в трудностях и в том,что, я готова отдать. Я готова отдать все...я грусно улыбаюсь-надо придти на край свет чтобы встретиться с собственным отражением и ускользнуть от краха.
Надо влюбиться по глупости,и перед разводом пожелать им счастья. Надо пройти через боль чтобы понять что единственная реальная притензия на сказки это обеспеченость. Надо потеряться чтобы найти себя.
Одиноко? Да. Разрывающи-больно одиноко но,у меня нет времени думать об этом. Слишком много дел,людей,обещаний....

я знаю одно в этой жизни нет гарантии не на что...

святая трешка;How badly do you want it?
Do you believe in yourself?
Are you ready to go though the fire?

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No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

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и яя снова здесь

а вы глупы,наивны,вы верита в то, чего вам так не хватает, а что потом?

потом, я играю, в то что я хочу, делаю, так мне хочеться и ......
я самое великое разочирование многих людей, и самое незабываемое в их жизни
если я захочу-то получу
только не хочу.

жить становится скучно и неинересно но скажу одно;-

цепочка событий которая изменила мне жизнь и перевернула все....это было самое лучшее в моей жизни

завтра отжиматься.

Слушать этот музыкальный файл

фиолетово-черное

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Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold


Im sorry

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Sometimes we rush it sometimes, we don’t. I don’t think it is possible to love someone so much that they are part of your infinitive entity. The verity of love is purity and devotion. It is young love, when we cheat to prove to ourselves what did is wrong? Or is it simply an act of non- self respect? However, the turning point comes when we see that there is nothing left to hold this is when we stop fighting. Is this fair? It is fair that we make mistakes because we are unguided in our world? We are simply too selfish so, we love on a physical level.
Humans are animals, we say we are selfish and it is bad but it is part of out inner entity which dominates our chances of survival. We only care about ourselves and this is where love is a form of contradiction. It is something which is controlled by hormones in our body.
What is love, is it simply a contradiction of our try beings? Is it something which allows us to overcome our own ego and something for some one else? So, what do you do when you want to love protect and care for someone but they wont let you. They are by themselves, all these lies and all that time wasted. What do you do? When do you become your own person? When do you start loving yourself when you realize it is all a waste of time?
It is easy to think that you love someone when you could just want to love someone but you don’t know them enough. They say love is unconditional, I say love is based on emotions and like all emotions it is provoked. It is provoked in my eyes by admiration and responsive behavior. If your focus of affection doesn’t treat you like the way you do eg. Care about you as much and etc. It is difficult to love, it is almost impossible.
Love is an action, words don’t show nor prove the deepness of the penetration of emotions. It has to be carried out, it has to cause an effect so that your loved one feels it, if they won’t let you then you cannot love them. They will have to let you in so, you can share your problems together. Both have to remain in a committed relationship where both partiers can penetrate their souls and nourish emotionally each other and physically satisfy each other.
Without that it is not love but merely an excuse to pretend that this is your pursuit of happiness. What can be worst then to reduce you self to being with someone that doesn’t love you back as much as you deserve? When there is an entrance there is an exit in any situation so, I’m out for my own good. For my own future good, of course, I could really sit and pretend that I’m in love but I don’t want to. I am tired emotionally. I’m tired of the round trip of hurting my own ego over and over again in a continuous circle of life. This is done. There was nothing to start with or nothing to do. Life is unexpected and it may prove me other ways but right now….

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So, it happened. I have been waiting for this to happen for about 3 months. God’s gift to me allows me to move on. It is your wish and my wish has been granted.
After crying, having hysteria for hours long and thinking, I have nothing to look forward to in my life after you imposed benediction, on my sinned soul. I realised that, yes, you might be what a pulpit is to a lectern in a church. Or what elements are to an atom; without them it cannot be what it is but if it is reactive it can try to get rid of it.
My life has taken on a new stage. I will remember this day forever, but I guess that the only thing I have left are memories. Crazy things. Huh? You cannot touch them yet, they eat away at you and produce regrets, big, salty tears which make it crystal clear that you are not ok. But I am. I am not nothing without you.
I am nothing without who I am, what makes me; me. I thought that I couldn’t go on but, the truth is…en verite dire qiu, tu est ma raison d’etre mais…I am a better person now then before, I met you. All this pain was worth it. All of it. I am sorry that I hurt you, but I have also, hurt myself.
I don’t know what I will do in Moscow, if I will meet you, maybe, I shouldn’t, but it is not the focus point of my trip anymore, but most importantly, thank you.

I love you guys! If i would be in NYC i would so go to the show and sit and wtach this! the most awesome thing after the Sex& the city! So NYC...its a shame all good things come to an end((
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Yesterday was amazing! My friend does drama and they had a school project to stage their own production! It was awesome I even cried at the end. The story was based on a real play and contained two narratives within the theme lines.
So her parents came and bought her flowers, I dressed up cause mean Karen Millen is so for evens like this and then when it was lol over we crushed at her room until like 2 and then Max went and then me and her were jus talking.. eating chocolate, gossiping I AM GOING TO MISS THIS!

But I need to get over that lol

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В колонках играет - Papa dont preach- Madonna

It’s the right thing to do when you think about the changes that bring you around to where you wanna be!

‘’I don’t know what tomorrow is bringing’’

I really wanna go and see Katyja and just sit with her and drink tea and gossip about my ex. Lol the funny thing is; this eccentric and kind woman has brought me up and is just like a second grandma to me.
I wanna see grandma and speak to her about everything which has happened these past couple of years! I love her so much, her charm, kindness, she is extremely pure hearted and sincere woman!
I wanna live at home and learn from my dad and my mum. They are the best people I know and I just wanna do so much staff during summer holidays with them .I want and I need their presence to help me!

I see this assertive, successful, fashionable, noble, mannered, young woman with people ripping their heads off to get her number. With her own business. She is an idea which is frequently remembered, she is the first and the last, she knows what she wants and she has her sh*t together!

And in my dreams I am her..

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This is so stupid BUT I really think my dad needs to shout at me more and realise he is not bringing up a ‘’wage slave’’ but a mannered, ambitious, successful person, of a very strong character and what HE needs to do is not be nice but help me achieve my full potential!

Yesterday was so funny we were all like crushing and watching TV, eating chocolate, ice cream together. Ah! I am gonna miss my friends, we have lived with each other for like 4 years now I’m moving back home and everything’s going to be completely different!

Got to go and do literature because am fucking going to get good marks for my end of year tests! Fuck me and my stupidity! (really is the internet the only place I can swear?)

Je suis saisi par ton diversite and character parce que tu est comme moi. J’aime c’est bien)

you know what? I'm awesome! You are and I don't feel anything)

L'EPS went well, I'm the GAME! but still got swimming to go and A* is mine) oh and erm.. theory but i have already got A* for that!

So I need like 5-6 A....I have got one and on the road to another one...so Art
French
History
Russian
PE
Religious Studies Ok so I did it! Officially !, lol I’m the TOP! Top..


you know what I wanna do? Put on my skinny jeans+ red lipstick+ sun glasses and walk down the street of London or Paris..first is more possible then the second and just walk and see all the freaking stares of guys wanting me oh yeah…….WTF! you will say I know right…but its spring and I want a spring fling! But better summer!
Can I get more predictable? I don’t think so! OMG at least one thing is for sure I’m back to my normal self again! Sweet-eating, joke-cracking, boy-doodling, but lesson-studying KRISSY!

CLARYFYING would be saying that I am not in love, nor have been…but why did I cry and all the sh*t?


Hola senorita gotta go

IF I WOULD BE A GUY I WOULD BE A PLAYER! proved. period.

Personally, I think that it is much easier to be with someone who is just like you. I used to think that being comparable and have a lot of things in common was just a waste of time. It doesn’t matter if both of you spend your weekend dancing to flamenco or doing yoga or flying out to check out the reunion of the Police together. If you are in love then there is a glue that would keep you together glued to each other side by side through out time. Purely incorrect. Why? I hear you asking.
Well, if talking about my personal experience the whole world of ‘’artistic differences’’ opens up. From my own experience; I cannot be with someone more successful then me because well I guess it comes from deeply hidden, splinter of feminism which I have been fighting so many years and also of the constant remainders that in roughly the same amount of years, he was able to achieve much then me! Comparing yourself to your man? I hear you say, perhaps, but more like criticizing myself against him.
It has come to my constant tension that some women are happy sitting at home and looking after children and being the ‘’homemaker’’ while the husbands are the ‘’bread makers’’. However I cannot feel sorry for such existence, as it does not look particularly exciting but after all it is their choice and living in a free-speech mind-set country I suppose, I do have to respect the choice that women in this country have. For instance India is this subject matter is a world away.
When women marry and become daughters-in-law; they are one of the most important forces within the family: baring children and all and if educated, calculating the finances. However after their husband dies they have no value; they are simply thought of just the objects (in a way resembling pornography where a women is projected as just a object of sex and not merely a someone you might love) and so, they are forced out of their own homes where they lived and have to go and find their own place to live in. Most have no education and do not even acknowledge, the law enforcement which validates women rights after the marital status is broken down by the death of spouse and allows them to gain much of their assets. However the assets of these women are taken away because they are suppressed by the enforced traditions and go and live in exile with other widows in a town called Vrindavan (actually a city of widows which have been rejected by their own families and thought of us ‘’bad luck’’; those which became a zero the minute they because them).
In contrast there are wives of millioners which are supposed to be awarded by court half of the assets gained during marriage (by the British lords of laws of course) and are merely thought of as getting enough for the compensation that they have brought to the marriage in which the husband was able to get to where he is today. However a women who is a millioner ;computer tycoon was forced to award her none working husband exactly half of their estimated fortune on the basis ‘’to maintain his previous life style’’ .
Is this really the world and the society that we live in today? Are you still telling me that women and men have the same rights? Or is this just merely covered up by the officials in the west, unlike in the rural countries that treat women like that on the basis of traditions, instead of out of mere severe gamble-toll based their own integrity of being ‘’the man’’?

I hate diversity and all the essences of it
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В колонках играет - Come back to me - Vanessa Hudgens

It’s just so stupid
You know what I’m so stupid I’m playing games with myself and everybody else ..
_________________________________

I hate when people when tell me I’ m beautiful is it like what is this supposed to make me like you or is it an excuse to make up for my other unnoticed qualities!OMFuckingGod I am like so sad! Why do I do this to myself but I guess its’ easy …so what if I have seen his father! Now I’m such an ass I just think he would be a good father in law ******* I’m 16…must remember..
If I want to be at the top I need to make sure that I do the right thing and stop consulting my stupid feelings which haven’t brought me nay place! Focus…focus…on the goal…GCSE’s goooooo

I just found your letter…you know the one about my smile and guess what I still love you. I still go to the forum because, maybe just maybe I hope that you will be there. You know what I don’t deserve you I’m an idiot, you deserve so much more. You are an ocean I’m just a rock, there are many of them and they are all the same perhaps, I just gave a better impression. You are the sun I’m am sand in a desert you burn me but without you I would be what I am. You are the rain and I’m a spring, you are the sea and I am a cliff shaped by you. I am the shadow of your moon. You are god and I am your creation everything I own is because of you. Then why did you let me hurt us both?



You are the fist and you are the last. You are an idea which is frequently remembered. But not for much longer..

Point 1) Guys don’t just talk to you because they are your friends they always want something; girls that are ugly are exception!

Point 2) I am not in love with you and I hate you for making me feel this way. In summer ei. after the exams I feel forget you, you shit and I guess I will have to find new friends who do not know you or me.

3) I love history and will get an A

4) I remember how I was trying to make my first movie and all I was saying is the same staff over and over again! All my parents did was laugh but it was kinda disturbing the point is; no matter how hard it gets I always will have them. No matter what I am strong, I can do everything I want and I determine my own destiny. Destiny is an illusion or an excuse for people who are scared to admit their won failures and defeats in life.

‘’ I used to think that life was planned for me
Until I realised that it had to be planned by me
See that’s the key…’’ Nelly

5) Anton Chekhov’s ‘’Three sisters’’ prefigured my own situation or an illusion of such.

6) The greatest gift I ever received when someone told me to believe in myself I will not prove them or myself wrong..

Do you know what I have just realised? It will never end will it? It’s fucking love! It doesn’t just hide away when you squash it beneath your heart within your feelings! It comes out again, revolves itself but you just learn to live with it , with the pains, your mistakes, your past, your regrets ..
Some people call it beautiful OR RATHER BLESSED! How can it be? For God’s sake it will never happen, to much bridges have been burned by me, too much waters have washed away, too many memories banished, too many letters written and torn away in little pieces!
I used to think that I am game, I was in control I had guys like then would lead them on and fuck their self-respect up just like someone did along time ago. Now, its not the same any more and the stupid thing is I hurt myself..
Stupid, huh? You cannot turn the time back but you can learn but I guess I will just have to suffer the consequences. It could have all different Kris…every little bit of it!

I mean I know its like weird and staff but seriously I have heard so much crap and shit about people and I really never make my own assumptions I guess just trust the judgment of my friends and then it occurred to me.

You can be stupid, ugly (well, not very good looking), vile, back stubbing or untalented and still succeed! The secret lay with the effort and determination or even, your drive to succeed!

So don’t have to be anything of a kind you just gotta want it really bad; be determined and motivated and the world would be at your feet.


PS Obviously all these things help and the main narrative of the story is only trust your own judgements!
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Ok so the thing is guys are like so weird; at first they say they are like in love with you, then you say that they ‘’Look honey its just sooooooo not working out with you’’ and then they are like ‘’Fuck you bitch, I used to love but you broke my heart’’ and then they are like acting like they are over you and you, naturally are potentially looking for new relationship and then they decide that no they are not over you. So then , they are talking and being nice are giving you the last string of hope which is intentionally makes you rethink your position and then BOOM! Its all out of the question and you back to square one which you where nicely on before but now you have to start all over again and convince your friends that you are yet again, over him!

So, perhaps you will forgive me for asking you what is the point of all these mind-blowing at first and heart breaking at the very least but time and energy consuming relationships? None at all, my dear, none at all.

Comes back to my point or actually a quotation by Mark Foo, a famous pro-surfer which said that ‘’To experience the ultimate thrill you must be prepared to pay the ultimate price’’ funny, huh? Considering he died when a wave washed over him and sucked the last breath out of him like toothpaste out of a tube..

Guess it really depends on how much you love someone...

...фрагмент из книги ,1982 <Когда Жаннин босиком, она чуть пониже большинства женщин, но зато когда она на каблуках, она будет повыше большинства мужчин. Ее сексуальность читается даже на расстоянии: тонкие талия, лодыжки и запястья, округлые бедра и плечи, большие и т. п. и темные пышные волосы, всегда пребывающие в беспорядке. Она эпизодически умна, разбирается в людях, прекрасно разбирается в том, какое действие она на них оказывает....> приятно порой почитать о себе..

The fucking thing is that I have spoken to grandmother and she said that it is normal to develop and explore your relationship and talk about it , like all the time! other ways its like I love and you love me and that's all to it! Interesting she is kinda cool for a 60 year old I guess....damn you're kidding me!! [показать]
Going to moscow!