Be respectful - the world was here before you came. W.E. Woodward

Прислал немец Ralph Kuehne. (includes F-words, so rated ;) )

TWO IRISHMEN

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.

When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"

Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, and ten we can tell them apart."

"Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the house.

"Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin Pig.

Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell who owns which fookin pig.?"

"Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig.

Ten we'll ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear".

"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again stormed into the house.

"Paddy", he said, "Your fookin pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin pig!!!."

"Now, we got two fookin pigs with no fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which fookin pig?"

"Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll do.
I'll cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we'll av two fookin pigs with no fookin ears and only one fookin tail."

"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by and..........you guessed it, Paddy stormed into the house once more.

"PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR FOOKIN PIG HAS CHEWED THE FOOKIN TAIL OFFA MY FOOKIN PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN PIGS WITH NO FOOKIN EARS AND NO FOOKIN TAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

HOW DE FOOK ARE WE GONNA FOOKIN TELL 'EM APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ah, Fook it" says Paddy, "how's about you have the black one, and I'll have the white one"

Welcome to hoffnungslosigkeit and Norwen
[337x92]

Рассказывали текст. Наслушалась перлов в стиле:
it was a good fall of snowballs (вместо of snow)
sick fog was spreading over London (вместо thick fog)
the ground was like an iron (вместо like iron meaning 'metal')
corn appeared under the ground (no comments)
harvest time - это, оказывается, "тяжкие времена". Ну, в общем, да, работать-то надо...
the farmer raped !!! the corn (вместо reap)

Feel like an ogre, an evil hungry ogre...

Перлы моих студиков с placement test (еще с 1-го сентября):

варианты написания слова lilac - lilic, lilick, lilec
вместо Japanese - (простите) Gapenis
вместо minutes - (простите) minetus (и о чем они только думали???)
вместо murmur of bees flying around выдали murmur of BEARS flying (сразу Винни вспоминается - я тучка, тучка, тучка...)

Damn Fine Women Quotations

Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example — then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ~ and I'm also not blonde.-Dolly Parton-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-

"Дверь закрылась, да и только" - "The door closed, yes and only".

Он перевел дух и сделал ей предложение - He translated the spirit and made her a sentence.

The troops were marching - Трупы маршировали.

-So, are you runnin' for president?
- Так ты чего, бегаешь за президентом?

Уха - Ear soup (меню в одном из центральных киевских ресторанов)

No smoking! - Пиджаки не вешать!

Летучие мыши - flying mouses

Приветствую первых ПЧелок - Flamewalker, andromeda_estel and DGtall
[334x168]

Еще одна классика. Пристал некто Макс Валов.

Manicure - Деньги лечат
I have been there - У меня там фасоль
God only knows - Единственный нос бога
We are the champions - Мы шампиньоны
Do You feel alright? - Ты справа всех знаешь?
I fell in love - Я свалился в любовь
Just in case - Только в портфеле
I will never give up - Меня никогда не тошнит
Oh dear - Ах, олень..
I saw my Honey today - Я пилил мой мед сегодня
I'm going to make you mine - Я иду копать тебе шахту
May God be with you - Майская хорошая пчелка с тобой
Finnish people - Конченные люди
Bad influence - Плохая простуда
Phone seller - Позвони продавцу
Good products - Бог на стороне уток
Let's have a party - Давайте организуем партию
Watch out! - Посмотри снаружи!
I know his story well - Я знаю твой исторический колодец
Press space bar to continue - Космический бар прессы продолжает ..
Ski jumpers fly like an eagle
Мухе прыгунов с трамплина нравится орел
Oh dear, this is a waste of time
О олень, да это талия всех времен!
Can You hear me - Ты можешь меня здесь
Undressed custom model - Голая таможенная модель
I'm just asking - Я всего лишь король жоп
Do You feel alright? - Ты справа всех чувствуешь?
Bye bye baby, baby good bye - Купи купи ребенка, ребенок хорошая покупка
To be or not to be? - Две пчелы или не две пчелы?
I saw my Honey today - Я пилил мой мед сегодня
Let it be! - Дайте жрать пчел!
Don't be afraid! - не будь Фрейдом.


Настроение сейчас - Traum
В колонках играет - Stelsi

Взяла у Flamewalker и оставила только наиболее понравившиеся.

Some Inns and Puns You'd Better Avoid:

The Crazed Cannibal ("serving all kinds of people for over 10 years")
At Least the Mead is Warm ...
Keep Out
Puke and Go
Tequila Wyrm
The Inn Definitely Not Run by Doppelgangers
The Inn of Last Resorts
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
The Paranoid Bartender
The Secret Meeting Place
Microsoft(R) Inn98(R)
Werebeer !!!
The Tavern With a Man Shrouded In Darkness In the Back Corner
Kill the Adventurers Inn
Still Smoking Inn
The Angry Wizards' Soda Fountain
Hotel California :)
The Inn Where You can Get Into Lots of Fights, and Maybe Even Get Started on an Adventure or Two

Настроение сейчас - Nebelung
В колонках играет - Stelsi

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the
right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape
juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as
shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that
happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are
born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism #2: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you
some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only
the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.

And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day
at a time!

Настроение сейчас - Lorelei
В колонках играет - Stelsi

Взято с "English for Fun and Everyone"

Celebrities - Before and After

A
Eddie Albert - Edward Albert Heimberger
Woody Allen - Allen Konigsberg
Don Ameche - Dominic Felix Amici
Julie Andrews - Julia Elizabeth Wells
Fred Astaire - Frederick Austerlitz

B
Warren Beatty - Henry Warren Beatty
Robbie Benson - Robert Segal
Ingmar Bergman - Ernst Ingmar Bergman
Jon Bon Jovi - John Francis Bongiovi
Bono - Paul Hewson
Pat Boone - Charles Eugene Boone
David Bowie - David Jones
Charles Bronson - Charles Buchinsky
Yul Brynner - Taidje Kahn, Jr.

C
Nicolas Cage - Nicolas Coppola
Michael Caine - Maurice Micklewhite
Maria Callas - Maria Anna Sophia Cecilia Kalogeropoulos
Ray Charles - Ray Charles Robinson
Chevy Chase - Cornelius Crane Chase
Cher - Cherilyn Sarkisian
Eric Clapton - Eric Clap
Alice Cooper - Vincent Damon Furnier
David Copperfield - David Kotkin
Elvis Costello - Declan Patrick McManus
Bing Crosby - Harry Lillis Crosby
Tom Cruise - Thomas Cruise Mapother IV
Tony Curtis - Bernard Schwartz

D
Rodney Dangerfield - Jacob Cohen
Bo Derek - Mary Cathleen Collins Derek
Danny DeVito - Daniel Michaeli
Marlene Dietrich - Maria von Losch
Kirk Douglas - Issur Danielovitch Demsky
Faye Dunaway - Dorothy Faye Dunaway
Bob Dylan - Robert Zimmerman

F
Douglas Fairbanks - Julius Ullman
Mia Farrow - Maria de Lourdes Villiers Farrow
Jodie Foster - Alicia Christian Foster
Michael J. Fox - Michael Andrew Fox

G
Greta Garbo - Greta Gustafson
Ava Gardner - Lucy Johnson
Judy Garland - Frances Gumm
Crystal Gayle - Brenda Gail Webb Gatzimos
Boy George - George Alan O'Dowd
Whoopi Goldberg - Caryn Johnson
Audrey Hepburn - Audrey Hepburn-Ruston
Billie Holiday - Eleanora Fagan
Engelbert Humperdinck - Arnold Dorsey
Billy Idol - William Broad

J
Elton John - Reginald Kenneth Dwight
Don Johnson - Donald Wayne
Tom Jones - Thomas Jones WoodwardK
Boris Karloff - William Henry Pratt
Diane Keaton - Diane Hall
Michael Keaton - Michael Douglas
Ben Kingsley - Krishna Banji
Nastassia Kinski - Nastassja Naksynznki
Bruce Lee - Lee Jun Fan
Jerry Lewis - Joseph Levitch
Sophia Loren - Sophia Sciccoloni
Bela Lugosi - Bela Ferenc Blasko

M
Andie MacDowell - Rose Anderson MacDowell
Shirley MacLaine - Shirley Beaty
Madonna - Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone
Dean Martin - Dino Crocetti
Walter Matthau - Walter Matuschanskayasky
Paul McCartney - James Paul McCartney
George Michael - Georgious Panayiotou
Marilyn Monroe - Norma Jean Mortenson Baker
Yves Montand - Ivo Livi
Demi Moore - Demi Gynes
Pat Morita - Noriyuki Morita

N
Chuck Norris - Carlos Ray
Kim Novak - Marilyn Paul Novak

O
Peter O'Toole - Seamus O'Toole

P
Gregory Peck - Eldred Gregory Peck
Priscilla Presley - Pricilla Wagner Beaulieu

R
Robert Redford - Charles Robert Redford
Roy Rogers - Leonard Slye
Mickey Rooney - Joe Yule, Jr.

S
Susan Sarandon - Susan Tomaling
Leo Sayer - Gerald Sayer
Jane Seymour - Joyce Frankenberg
Omar Sharif - Michael Shalhouz
Charlie Sheen - Carlos Irwin Estevez
Brooke Shields - Christa Brooke Shields
Sylvester Stallone - Michael Sylvester Stallone
Ringo Starr - Richard Starkey
Читать далее...

Ladies and Gentlemen! Damen und Herren! Madames et Monsieurs!

Приветствую вас на сообществе имени студенческой
перлы "How much watch?" На создание оного меня вдохновили именно постоянные студенческие ляпы,
которые просто грех не записывать. А ведь кроме них, родных, есть еще тьма разных приколов на разнх языках,
так что скидывайте их сюда для потомков.

Пока имеются разделы:

Curiosity Shоp - разного рода интересности, как веселые, так и вполне серйозные

Fun & Pun - юмор, юмор и только юмор

Jeer Joker - иностранные анекдоты

Translator's False Friends - прикольные переводы, машинные и вполне человеческие

So sagte... - цитаты известных на любую тематику

In Nature - перлы из жизни

Scripts & Screenplays - сценарии, а также ссылки на них

Pictorial - и так понятно

Mishmash - он самый; все, что никуда больше не подходит

Итак:

Вы все еще спрашиваете: How much watch? - How many clock? - вот вопрос нового поколения!