The Comprehensive "You know You've Been In China Too Long..." List.
1- A few shots of Bai jiu don't even give you a buzz.
2- You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
3- A June 2001 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice
4- When someone says 'snack', you think: salted cuttlefish.
5- You only drink beer from one litre bottles.
6- You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions
7- you get your haircut on the sidewalk.
8- You leave the 'Garbano' designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve.
9- You enjoy karaoke.
10- You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
11-The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.
12- You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
13- Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.
14- You watch 'xiaqi' (Chinese chess) on TV religiously.
15- You find yourself "getting back to nature" in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
16- You smoke in crowded elevators.
17- All white people look the same to you.
18- You like the smell of the bus.
19- Open spaces make you nervous.
20- You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
21- People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
22- You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
23- Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
24- You find yourself exiting a major highway...on your bike.
25- You find western toilets uncomfortable.
26- You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
27- You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
28- Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your 'Qi'.
29- Your body no longer accepts dairy products.
30- You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
31- You ask people in what animal year they were born.
32- You measure distances in 'Li'.
33- You think you speak Chinese fluently.
34- Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.
35- You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
36- You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.
37- You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes
38- You have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper on the Exchange Square flyover.
39- A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
40- Your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
41- It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
42- Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building.
43- You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
44- The ultimate status symbol is a lawn-mower.
45- You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket
check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
46- You learnt to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung. AND JACKY CHAN
47- You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
48- Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
49- Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don't bat an eyelid.
50- You actually purchased a canto-pop CD
51- You actually played it several times.
52- A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it's all right.
53- You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.
54- You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
55- You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
56- You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
57- You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8".
58- You finally decide to eat at McDonalds to put some solids into your body.
59- You watch an american movie on HBO, with sub-titles, and try to read them.
60- You like to watch CNN or BBC News World on TV.
61- You eat a kebab on the street and call it "Cat on a stick" and keep eating.
62- You see a stray cat on the street and say "Hmmm... Lunch!"
63- You have a washing machine in your apartment.
64- You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
65- You read shanghaiexpat.com and understand what people are talking about.
66- Your work buddy taps you on the shoulder to talk to you, and you say "Bu Yan" (no thank you!) out of habit.
67- You offer to sell your own watch to a $2 Rolex street vendor, to fend him off.
68. You think you should wear nylon sox with your Nikes, stilettos or sandals in the summer, instead of a cotton one.
69. You question the waitress who didn't cut steak piece by piece, and ask for chopsticks.
70. You always leave tray and
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