urrra!!!!!!!!
u menya nakonec poluchilos' osoznannoe snovidenie!!!!!!!!!!!
nu nachalos' s togo chto ya v ocherednoi raz ehala za rulem Maikovskoi mashinki(truck) na bolshoi skorosti
potom kak voditsya: ya putayu tormoz z gazom i sozdayu bol'shuyu avariyu
prichem kogda ya uzhe v centre etoi avarii, posredi gromadnogo perekrestka, ya sizhu verhom na sportivnom motorcycle, vrode zheltyi bmw...takaya bol'shaya chernaya tetka-policeyskiy nachinaet mne chegoto zazhevyvat', a ya ei: "a chto esli ya seichas voz'mu i prosnus'? davaite smenim syuzhet na chtonit' ...." i ya vizhu temnotu nektr vremya...a potom snova vozvrashayus' tuda zhe.."opa, ne poluchilos'" proneslos v golove....a dalshe malenkoe prodolzhenie o ktr ne hochetsya vspominat' i vse
no ya znala chto eto son!!!!!!!!!!!!
a utrom 1yi raz prosnulas' ot svoei chetkoi i gromkoi frazy: "poshli vse nah! otstan'te vse ot menya!!!"

v devochke nakopilos' mnogo agressii...
kuda ee devat'?
poidu poem bananov

banany
vsem izvestno chto banany polezny dlya zdorov'ya...nu vrode dlya kostei i eshe dlya radosti,,,to bish gormon schast'ya i vse takoe...
a ya ponyala kak na samom dele eto deistvuet
po krainei mere lichno u menya...kogda ya tolko otkusyvayu banan u menya perekosivaet(glavnoe chto ponyatno!) rot i poluchaetsya takya uhmylka
a daleshe proshe---sem izvestno chto takoe obratnaya svyaz', da? ulybayas' ya vspominayu i oshushayu vse polozhitelnye emocii...vot tak vot

popcorn
vchera dumala: chto zhe kupit' iz edy, kak nikak nado byt' horoshei zhenoi i vse takoe...dolgo parilas' a potom kupila celuyu korobku zhirnigo maslyanogo popcorna (:
pridet Mike s raboty, poprosit zhrat', a ya emu---popcorn v mikruhe...lol


pozhar
prosnulas'(eto byl gdeto 5-6oi pod'em za utro) i pervaya mysl' byla: gde moi mosquino??? a potom ya ponyala chto slishkom mnogo zamorachivayus' na materialnyh veshah v poslednee vremya
chto esli v komnate poyavotsya ogon'? chto ya nachnu spasat'? kollekciyu plat'ev? knigi? svoi zapisi? risunki? dokumenty? den'gi?
net
ya skazhu: "na hui!"
i spokoino vyidu iz komnaty
ya znayu kto ya, znachit mne ne nyzhny bumazhki chtoby sebe ili drugim ob etom napominat'
ya znayu chto ya umeyu, znachit mne ne nuzhny den'gi
a vse ostalnoe---sledstvie
tochno
szhech vse na hui,,,pryam kak v boicovskom klube...vot takoe otreshenie ot material'noi hreni....

nashla prikol'nyi link
davno eto bylo
http://www.contact.freenet.kz/slava_art.htm

nachala sednya sobirat' veshi...slozhila svoi knigi chemodan i mesta pochti ne ostalos'
trudno byt' takoi intellektual'noi(:
eshe poluchilas' kucha paketov s veshami...zavtra do konca soberu vse
ne mogu naiti mosquino...chert
navernoe u Maika zabyla
sednya eshe kupila obuvu
chernye bosonozhki i belo-zolotye
eshe slancy takie korichnevye
voobshem nu ego nah dengi kopit'....ne mogu zhe ya bez obuvi byt'
i odezhdy
i eshe mnogogo drugogo
na mne ekonomit' nel'zya...tochno govoryu nel'zya

tak hotela pogovorit s odnim chelovechkom(nazovem ego v celyah konspiracii L McLauddd)no cheto on tak i ne dozvonilsya....a vchera tak priyatno bylo poobshatsya
no eto otdel'naya istoriya....ne dlya vseh...bebebe
shas sizhu v ego kofte...voda s volos kapaet na klavu...v komnate bardak
v golove bardak
no na serdce tak horosho
a znachit vse ostalnoe poh...
ya skazala POH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vot i ostalis' za spinoi detskie igry...ya uzhe ne mogu bol'she tak durachitsya...nuzhno byt' sil'noi...nuzhno nahodit' radost' v malom...i samoe glavnoe---eto uzhe ne vybor, a edinstvennyi sposob vyzhit'...vryad li ktonit' mozhet ponyat eto esli ne proidet cherez eto
no kak fakt mne nuzhno zasunut' moi harakter kuda podal'she inache nichego ne vyidet...

da uzh, pokupka sobstvennoi edy, odezhdy i prochego, zarabatyvanie deneg odnaznachno ochen' bystro delaet mebya vsroslee
teper' mne vot eshe nado budet zabotitsya o muzhchine...i ne tak, po nastroeniyu, a opyat zhe, kazhdyi den'...
i net, menya ne pugaet eto....naooborot,,,vsetaki ya chuvstvuyu sebya ochen zashishennoi,chego ne bylo s teh por kak poteryala brata(dlya teh kto ne znaet-net, on ne umer fizicheski no umer dlya menya vsledstvii obreteniya svoei 2oi poloviny)

mne trudno zhit' kemto drugim, trudno uchitsya ponimat' ego, chuvstvovat' ego i otkryvatsya emu v otvet
eto zahvatyvayushe i pugayushe odnovremenno
no eto edinstvennoe chto mne nuzhno
da, ya mogu vernutsya v atu, gde ya uzhe uchus', gde legko naiti rabotu, gde est' roditeli i druz'ya
gde moya zhizn uzhe slozhilas i mozhno prosto naslazhdatsya eyu
no razve eto nuzhno mne? razve ne iskala ya etogo chelovechka?
razve ne zaglyadyvala v razbye lica chtoby NE uvidet' ego?
i pust' nado bylo tak daleko zaehat' chtob naiti ego...k chertu vse...i chego stoyu ya, esli ya prosto ispugayus' i otkazhus' ot etogo shansa? nichego
poetomu...

ya razbivayus' v malye oslolki, no ne potomu chto umirayu, a dlya togo chtoby zanovo roditsya...

kak zhe tyazhelo prosypatsya, zamerznuvshi, pytayas' k komuto prizhatsya, erzaya po krovati
a potom prodrat' glaza i uvidet' pustuyu komnatu
skazat' neskolko matov na 1om prishedshem v golovu yazyke, pozhalet' sebya i nachat' delat' zaryadku chtob hotya by chemto sebe pomoch

voobshem glavnoe, chto eto poslednyaya nedelya
a potom vse budet pravil'no, kak dolzhno byt'
i bol'she ne budet nikakih "nu, zvoni mne" v voskresen'e i nikakih nedoponimaniy po telefonu
my nakonec smozhem uspevat' chtoto delat' a ne tol'ko radovatsya vstreche...ahhahah
vot
s takimi myslyami u menya nachinaetsya den'
eshe ya prostyla, opyat zhe-holodno odnoi spat'....
voobshem, ponedel'nik, utro

ya vot prosnulas-7 utra, ushla spat' tol'ko v 2...bashka bolit vse telo lomit
pod glazami sinyaki tipa...uzhass....a vecherom eshe s Maikom vstrechatsya....
a vo vsem vinovat borshh....nu eshe i to chto my s Maikom ssorilis'
voobshem ploho mne kak ne bylo davno
sovsem ya staraya stala
ranshe mogla spat chasa 3 i potom vse normalno, i tak celuyu nedelyu non stopom

voobshem mysl' menya posetivshaya: mozhno li otmenit' utro?
sovsem nafig....ne to chto prosypat' ego(ya rano vstayu) a chtob voobshe ne bylo...
a potom ya ponyala: kogda my nauchimsya zapekat' hleb bez korochki, togda nam i budet bezutrenniy den'....navernoe my poka etogo ne zasluzhili
hahahahahahah

sednya lyagu spat srazu kak priedu v baltimore....tobish chasov v 7-8, zavtra budet tyazhelyi den', nuzhno v Washington smotatsya....
takie dela, ah, eshe naschet prav uznat'....v golove bardak takoi
nado zapisyvat' vse

Una donna necessita di 4 animali nella sua vita: Jaguar in garage, tigre a letto, visone sulla pelle, e un asino che paga!

Zhenshine nuzhny 4 zhivotnyh v ee zhizni: Jaguar v garazhe, tigr v krovati, norka na tele i osel, ktr za eto platit!!!!

mudro, nepravda li?

В колонках играет - endless, autumn

znachit vse moi naivnye voprosy odnazhdy obretut otvet, pravda? k komu ya obrashayus'? navernoe k sebe,nu, byt' mozhet k Maksimu, chto nedaleko ot togo...

pochemu katyastsya slezy? net, mne ne grustno, po krainei mere - ne bol'no...a eta melodiya shepchet: net, ty ne ubezhish ot sebya...

chi cerca trova
kak mnogo vsego lish v treh slovah
znachit poka ya ne ustanu iskat', ya poimu eto, da?

budu li ya snova odna, vot tak sidet' v svoei komnate i borotsya s emociyami...ili zhe ktoto budet ryadom,,,

chi cerca trova
a znachit ya ne sdamsya

odnogo interesnogo DJ..super prosto
vsem sovetuyu
http://www.realmusic.ru/kerk
ochen' otlichaetsya ot nashih almatinskih chelov

It’s hard to be so far away
It hurts and breaks my heart.
Is it somebody’s foolish play
To make it fall apart?

Why can’t l be where l belong
Which means to be with you?
Why have to fall asleep alone
Instead of hugged by you?

My only enemy is time-
Without you it’s so slow.
How could my life be ever fine
By going with a flow?

How could l ever have a smile
Not knowing who you are?
All memories that l have filed
Now tend to seem bizarre.

And if there is some thing to say
For you to feel my love
I’ll tell you that l day by day
Feel more I’ve said above.


nu kak ono? celyh polchasa tvorila

voobshem menya posle vyhodnyh pribilo na filosofiyu...navernoe otchasti vina vypitogo za znakomstvo s glavnym bossom Maika...shikarnyi dom...i stil' high tech, a ne kak bolshinstvo domov b suburbs...voobshem bylo veselo do teh por poka ya ne nachala vhodit' v syeklyanye steny i padat' s kablukov, po utverzhdeniyam Maika ya eshe pristavala k 14letnemu synu bossa, no eto uzhe tochno vran'e....
hahahah
na samom dele vse ne tak ploho bylo(opyat' zhe, poka menya ne obkormili shokoladnym pechen'em i ya boyalas' poshevelitsya chtoby ne vyrvat'...)
voobshem eta predystoriya byla skazana neponyatno pochemu i zachem(esli po Adleru a ne Freidu) no glavnaya mysl' ktr posetila menya v dushe(iz ktr ya tol'ko chto vybralas')-eto to chto ya kak i mnogie drugie greshu oshibkoi bystro sudit' lyudei...inogda ochen' slozhno ponyat' kogoto, eshe slozhnee-prinyat' ego mysli,.. no my tak chasto ne daem dazhe i shansa...

l vse zhe ne ponyat' mne takogo postupka kak provozhdenie pered zerkalom kuchi vremeni dlya pohoda k vrachu, kogda tvoi rebenok bolen, a potom govori't emu kak rebenok dostal i sprashivat', kogda on stanet normal'nym...opyat' zhe, melzya sravnivat', no navernoe nam vse taki nuzhno ot chego to ottalkivatsya-tot bereg nebol'shoi istiny chto my nesem s nami skvoz' vremya...ehhh...vot opyat' na vysokoe tyanet(tochno alkogol': ) no moi roditeli brosali vse i vsya kogda my boleli...i kogda my(chitaite ya) byli sami vinovaty...a eshe oni plakali vmeste s nami...tochno pomnyu....
takie dela....poetomu ya prosto pytayus' ponyat' i ne sudit' nikogo, hot' eto i ochen' slozhno
moi mysli putayutsya i zvuchat v golove kak kakayato zamyslovataya sonata, v ktr slishkom mnogo tem chtob ponyat' za raz...
mne cherez mnogoe prihoditsya prohodit' somoi i ya gorzhus' etim, pust' eto i trudno i den' za dnem ubivaet kakuyuto chastihku menya...vzroslet'? tak eto nazyvaetsya? navernoe vy pravy

segodnya prosnulas' ot togo, chto mne poslyshalsya lai Gery(eto moya ovcharka v Almate), ya sprygnula s krovati i ne srazu ponyala, gde ya...potom postepenno doshlo, chto i kak...
vchera ya govorila s Maikom po telefonu...govorila pro to chto vozmozhno ne uvizhu Geru bol'she nikogda....i ne tol'ko ee...
on skazal, chto emu grustno ot etogo, sprosiv: "ty somnevaeshsya v svoem reshenii?"
"ni kapli! ya prosto chetko vizhu kak mnogo mne priidetsya otdat"...no moya zhizn' zdes' i nikak po drugomu...prostite mama i papa, no ya uzhe sovsem vyrosla...

В колонках играет - slushayu itunes radio

esli vy tot chelovek, ktr deistvitel'no dumaet obo mne i chuvstvuet menya, to ulybnites' tak zhe kak shaz ulybayus' ya...iskrenne...uverenno...SOLNECHNO!!!
ya schastliva...pogovorila s lyubimym...hochetsya letat' po komnate ot radosti...potomu chto vse tak prekrasno...

net smysla derzhat' eto v sekrete, ya uzhe ni v chem ne somnevayus' i nichego ne boyus'
proshaite detskie igry, ya zavozhu sem'yu!!!!

eshe para mesyacev i my budem kazhdiy den' vmeste...i pust' vse govoryat chto my soshli suma, chto my slepy, pust' itak, my schastlivy...
i my budem sem'ei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

В колонках играет - crazy(obviously)
Настроение сейчас - drive

voobshem ya nashla kuchu muzy...na zvuki.ru
kazaa menya zaputala
no v almate u vas vse ravno peer to peer ne prokatit
mnogie dazhe ne znayut chto eto hahahahah

a samoe glavnoe ya nashla etu pesnyu...slushayu ee shas s saita
Gnarls Barkley "crazy"
http://www.gnarlsbarkley.com/

sovetuyu tem kto ne slyshal...blin pesnya prosto takaya,,,takaya za zhizn' i tak podhodit k tomu chto shaz proishodit v moei zhizni...
a golos u muzhika takoi sexy,,,takoi rodnoi...man
it fukin rulzzzzz

yeah
it feels like l cud have this one song and all the world against me and still not give a fuck...

so fuck u people!!!!!!!!!!

voobshem u menya sperli moi mp3 pleer, na kompe muzy voobshe net...u kogo est vozmozhnost, skinte pliz myzyki, tipa tyazhelenkogo chenit'
ochen blagodarbna zaranee
prisylaite na mylo
luraya2002@yahoo.com

vremya tak bystro letit...
eshe tolko paruchasov nazad my byli vmeste, a seichas zasypat' porozn'...ne dolzhno byt' tak...s kazhdym dnem ya ponimayu, naskolko etot chelovek blizok mne i naskolko bezumny ego postupki radi menya...
stol'ko myslei vgolove krutitsya...no ne dlya etogo dnevnika navernoe...

vchera byl takoi tyazhelyi den, otdala dokumenty na poluchenie SSN, ezdila k vrachu...v itoge prosto nervy zdali...
my govorili s nim po telefonu...on hotel priehat', ya govorila, ne nuzhno,,,on govoril "ya hochu tebya uvidet" , ya placha otvechala "pozhaluista ne nado" itak po krugu, a potom on skazal: ya vse ravno priedu...on priehal vnachale 11ogo i my probyli vmeste do 12...prosto sideli v mashine na parkovke vozle kakogoto store....ya pila svoi pina collada drink i pogloshala pringles...a emu nuzhno bylo pit' energeticheskie napitki, chtoby ne usnut' po doroge....on takoi ustavshiy byl...i vse ravno mchalsya ko mne iz odnogo shtata v drugoi...radi togo chtoby pobyt' so mnoi...kak horosho kogda blizkie tebe lyudi umeyut ne tol'ko chitat' mezhdu strok, ponimat' chto inogda "uhodi" oznachaet "ostan'sya", no i delat' vse radi tebya...
vot tak ya ponyala chto etot chelovek deistvitelno hochet byt' sil'nym dlya menya...vot tak ya ponyala, chto v svoyu ochered' hochu zdelat etogo cheloveka schastlivym...

na etoi nedele nado zanyatsya dokumentami(SSC)
shodit k vrachu
i voobshe o mnogom podumat'...

voobshem, ushla v sebya, budu neskoro