When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. [George Burns]

I don’t know what to do. My boss won’t let me make personal calls at the office and my wife and daughter won’t let me make them at home.

I was so surprised when I was born that I couldn’t talk for a year and a half.

A baby is a perfect example of minority rule.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog will still be excited to see you.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? Because they already have boyfriends.

On one issue at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women [H L Mencken]