... a question that comes and goes like a little bearing in those executive "perpetum mobile" toys...

some thoughts:

* - is it forever? will it never end....? - Perhaps

* - is it forever? will it EVER end....? - Yes

* if a person was just another "material", smth to make into smth else - a living breathing lump of clay, a box of pastels, a pack of japanese origami paper - a person would never be any of those. a person would be smth that was fluid and brittle at the same time... hard as stone and malleable like soft spreadable butter... forever changing shape, colour, smell, texture... from one moment to the next until finally there was nothing left... as such a human being is perhaps the greatest piece of art

* following the above - if there was a way for one human being to become an extension of the other one, allowing for the changes to go in such a way that both parties are affected at the same time and perhaps with similar results, the above "Perhaps" becomes more certain... if there is such a way i am yet to find it

* sacrifice and compromise almost rhyme... but neither will make anything certain

*going towards the same mountain, together, using the same agreed path is only half the problem... the second half is not changing your mind half way through... because there will always be another route... one that seems easier, lighter, more convenient... how do you fight the desire to explore?

I was a good kid
I wouldn’t do you no harm
I was a nice kid
with a nice paper-round
Forgive me any pain
I may have brung to ye
With God’s help I know
I’ll always be near to ye

But Jesus hurt me
When He deserted me / but
I have forgiven Jesus
for all the desire
He placed in me
when there’s nothing I can do with this desire

I was a good kid
through hail and snow / I’d go
just to moon ye
I carried my heart in my hand
- do you understand?
- do you understand?

but Jesus hurt me
when He deserted me / but
I have forgivenen Jesus
for all of the love / he placed in me
when there’s no one I can turn to with this love

Monday - humiliation / Tuesday - suffocation
Wednesday - condescension / Thursday - is pathetic
by Friday - Life has killed me
by Friday - Life has killed me

oh pretty one
oh pretty one

why did you give me /so much desire?
when there is nowhere I can go
to offload this desire?
and why did you give me so much love
in a loveless world?
when there is no one I can turn to
to unlock all this love

and why did you stick me in
self-deprecating bones and skin
Jesus - do you hate me?
why did you stick me in
self-deprecating bones and skin
do you hate me?
do you hate me?
do you hate me?
do-you hate me?
do you hate me?

merry x-mas