I rushed into the crowd screaming his name. The image I saw will never leave my nightmares. He was lying on the floor still, bleeding. The ambulance was already there. I stood shocked; I needed time to accept what happened. “Of course he was going to be all right, he was only unconscious, right?” I kept on screaming but they hold me back as I was some kind of animal. An old man replied and told me, “I saw him lying there and I’ve called the ambulance, I’m sorry for what have happened.” He stood there calm and still staring at me, as everyone else was. I ignored his pathetic sympathy, why is he sorry? He didn’t even know my friend, I walked away with an unexplained hate towards that man, may be I needed someone to blame at the time. All kind of thoughts were going through my head. As I recall the idea of death was not even there. I could not believe everything has happened so fast, and why could I not have been there for him?

When they took him away I had to isolate myself from the others. The dark and cloudy weather almost paralysed me with its misery, it started to rain. As a loyal friend I was going to spend the whole night in hospital, to make sure he was okay. But they told me there was no need to. The averted eyes told the sto
ry. They asked me if I wanted to see him. Horrified, I rejected. Trying to hold on, I let it all out and cried. Tears dribbled out of my eyes unexpectedly. Tension and pressure turned into depression and weakness. “Pathetic… embarrassing… wretched” I thought. A sense of anger and blame washed over me.

I never forget the feeling; the pain in the chest like having lungs ripped out of my helpless body. A part of myself died somewhere deep inside. Everything seemed to be different. Controlled by my emotions I spent the evening alone, paralysed in the dark, reflecting the past.

It was midnight when I tried to escape this continuous pain. I went out looking for something, anything to make it go away. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew there was something out there. “A pub or a church?” I was lost in the middle of nowhere. I saw a group of youngsters having a night out. I envied their happiness so much I would do anything to make them feel the pain I went through. And then it hit me, it was exactly what I needed. As I saw one of them walk away, I knew what had to be done. Completely calm without thought I followed him with a sense of destroying something so perfect. I was no longer a crying wimp; I had a power to do something I wanted, almost as for once I was a god of my own life.






Walking drunk and happy as he was on top of the world, he didn’t know he’d become a piece of my artistic entertainment, I recall my judgments. As they say when a man first kills he is shocked to death, however, after all the pain I went through his death was an ironic laugh to me. I grabbed his hair and through his head against the wall exactly four times, when I let go he fell and lied still as he was some kind of soulless toy. I wasn’t finished with him however. Though, by the time I did, the feeling of this mystic megalomania has satisfied me, the pain was gone. I knew it will be back within days, but I have now found the cure for it.

No one suspected the murderer was still amongst the crowd. It was filled mostly with sympathetic people like myself, which were exited to see my art. I saw a girl his age crying her face out somewhere aside. I recall them kissing just an hour before. I walked up to the poor thing saying: “I saw him lying there. I’ve called the ambulance, I’m sorry for what have happened…”