Slightly numbed now, the feeling doesn't go away... if I'm lucky it won't become sharp for a long time. I feel... desperate, needy, lonely, and very very sleepy.. very strange... not usually sleepy at this hour. Maybe it'll only be at night? When I'm at my most vulnerable... frankly, I'm surprised that I'm still a virgin, knowing the way I get sometimes...yes, that was a VERY private thought.. I'm just too tired to care who may or may not read it...  I still want to be acknowledged... so much... at least a short casual email... it would be something, wouldn't it? Dare to dream, it what my mind keeps saying, so that other idiotic part of me does, and when my mind sreams for it to stop, it's already too late, and I'm already in a happy fantasy where everything is just as I want it to be. But if course, everytime that happens -